The Uncanny SpiderMan
by The Uncanny R-Man
Summary: Chapter 28: Peter and Mary Jane are invited to a school reunion. Unfortunately, the Green Goblin and the rest of the recently resurrected villains decide to attack on that very same night. Part of the Uncanny Marvel Universe.
1. Does Whatever a Spider Can

**The Uncanny Spider-Man**

**Chapter 1: Does Whatever a Spider Can**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

_Disclaimer- I don't own anything, all familiar characters belong to Marvel._

_Notes- This is set after 'The Uncanny New Mutants: Symbiosis' so you may need to read that before starting on this._

* * *

**Peter and MJ's apartment-**

Peter Parker was bored. He was suffering from being too good at his job. All of his major nemeses were locked away; he didn't even have one single lesser henchman to fight. School was out too so he couldn't even go to work. He tried to earn some extra cash by taking some photos for the Daily Bugle but there wasn't anything remotely interesting happening. That was he was chilling in his apartment with his beautiful wife.

'Y'know Tiger, you really don't have to spend your free time with me.' MJ said as she snuggled closer to her husband. 'I'm sure there must be some evilness afoot.'

'The perils of being the best at what I do I suppose.' Peter replied as he kissed the top of MJ's head.

'Don't you think Wolverine's gonna be pissed when he hears that you're ripping off his phrases?'

'I pity the fool that thinks his phrases not ripoffable.'

'That isn't even a word sweetie.'

'It is now.'

'I know something that we can do to keep ourselves occupied.' MJ purred seductively.

'You're insatiable, you know that?' Pete replied.

'I don't hear you backing down.' MJ said as she nibbled Peter's ear.

'I suppose that I can muster the energy to pleasure my wife.' Peter mock sighed.

'Good boy.' MJ replied as she straddled him and began to kiss him.

Peter was about to carry MJ into the bedroom when the sound of sirens came from outside their apartment. MJ muttered a curse and stopped kissing her husband.

'I know, evil is afoot.' She sighed. 'Go do your stuff.'

'Thanks MJ.' Peter replied as he rushed to get on his Spidey gear.

'Don't worry about me.' MJ pouted. 'I'll just be here, in the apartment, alone...'

'If you're bored, why don't you go shopping?' Peter asked from the bedroom. 'You always found that therapeutic.'

'I haven't been to Bloomie's for a fair while.' MJ replied. 'Not since it mysteriously blew up.' (1)

'Well I'm ready for the off.' Peter said as he stepped out of the bedroom in his Spidey outfit. 'Enjoy your shopping trip, 'kay?'

'Seeya later, Tiger.' MJ replied as she lifted up Peter's mask and gave him a kiss. 'Buy me something pretty.'

'Actually, I was hoping you'd buy me something pretty.' Pete replied.

'Like sexy lingerie?' MJ asked with a smirk.

'Can't blame a guy for trying.' Peter replied as he shot out a webline. 'Ta-ta!'

And that just left MJ alone in her apartment.

'Now where did Peter put that credit card?'

* * *

**Connery's jewellery shop-**

Spider-Man followed the sounds of the sirens to Connery's jewellery shop in the Bronx. He perched up on a roof and saw a wall blast outwards then the Shocker walked out with a bag full of miscellaneous gems and whatnot. The police tried to shoot at him but he blasted them with a vibro-wave.

'This is too easy.' He chuckled to himself as he blew up a random squad car.

'Famous last words Sparky!' Spidey replied as he swung down and planted a meaty dropkick to the Shocker's face.

'Why is it always you?' The Shocker hissed as he got up off his butt. 'Now look what you've made me do, I've dropped my stash now!'

'Let me get that for you.' Spidey replied as he shot out a webline and snagged the bag. 'Here ya go!' He said as he spun it around and smacked the Shocker upside the head with it.

'Dammit! Stop screwing around!'

'I'll stop screwing around when you stop being a loser in a quilt.' Spidey replied as he webbed the Shocker's gauntlets.

'Get this crap off me!'

'If you say so.' Spidey replied as he tugged on the webline, pulling the Shocker forward.

'I'll kill you for that!' The Shocker hissed.

'You won't be the only one to try.' Spidey replied as he flipped backwards and landed on a hotdog cart.

The Shocker just let out a yell of rage and blasted the hotdog cart, showering the surrounding area with artificial meat products and salty brine.

'Oh yeah, thanks for that.' Spidey muttered as he brushed a hotdog off his suit. 'Do you have any idea difficult it is to get rid of hotdog smell?'

'**RAAAAGH!'** The Shocker yelled as he tried to blast Spidey again. Spidey simply flipped up into the air and landed on top of a lamppost.

'Been taking eloquence form the Hulk I see.'

'Gonna fry yah!'

'Bored now.' Spidey yawned as he shot out a glob of webbing into the Shocker's face.

'Son of a...!' The Shocker hissed as he grabbed his face in an attempt to tear away the webbing.

'Candy gram for Mister Mongo.' Spidey said as he hefted up the now empty hotdog cart.

'What the Hell?' The Shocker said as he finally tore away the webbing form his face, just in time to see Spidey throw the hotdog cart at him. He tried to blast it but his gauntlets had been damaged in the fight. 'Aww crap...'

* * *

**Later-**

After the police had taken away the unconscious Shocker, Spider-Man decided that it was time to go back and check on his wife. He was presently swinging across New York on his way back to his apartment when he heard a scream.

'No rest for the wicked buff.' He muttered as he swung down to go check it out. Spidey initially thought that the scream belonged to a woman but upon landing on a nearby wall he saw that the scream had in fact come from a thief. What was unusual about it was the fact that the thief was being chased by what seemed to be a werewolf. A werewolf wearing ripped jeans, a white vest and a leather jacket.

Spidey watched as the werewolf caught up with the thief and tackled him to the ground. The thief let out yell of pain as the werewolf punched him in the face and snatched back the purse that he had stolen.

'That should teach ye never tae steal from a not so defenceless wee lassie.' The werewolf snarled as it changed back into its human form, the form of Rahne Sinclair, the leader of the Uncanny New Mutants known as Wolfsbane.

'Nice going there, Red.' Spider-Man said as he gave the young mutant a round of applause. 'I hope you don't mind if I take him off your hand.'

'Help yeself.' Wolfsbane replied with a shrug. 'I was kindae glad tae get the exercise actually.'

'I thought you X-Types usually hang around Westchester.' Spidey said as he webbed up the thief. 'Aren't you kinda out of your natural habitat?'

'Who were th' ones that took down that Toxin lass while ye were brawlin' wi' Venom?' She asked with a smug look on her face.

'Damn feminists.' Spidey muttered as he finished webbing the thief to the wall. 'Well, see you around.'

And with that, Spidey swung off to go check up on MJ.

* * *

**Meanwhile-**

Two cops were sitting in their squad car on a stake out. It had been a slow night as they were dozing away after a hearty meal of donuts and coffee. That was until something fell on the roof of their car.

'What the Hell?' One cop said as he got out of the car to investigate. His partner followed suit and gasped in shock at what he saw. Lying on top of the squad car was a dismembered corpse. As well as being eviscerated, the corpse also had two telltale bite marks on its neck.

Cop Number 1 was about to call for back up when he heard a hiss coming from above his head. He looked up and saw blood-red eyes leering down at him. He managed to get off two shots but they didn't do anything to deter the killer. The killer leapt down and slashed the cop's throat with his claws. The cop gave one last gurgle and fell down dead. His partner, paralysed with fear, just stood stock-still. The killer then leapt at the other cop and sunk his teeth into his neck, drinking deep form his blood. After he had finished his meal, the killer dumped the cop's body onto the floor and leapt up into the air again on the search for fresh blood...

_END..._

_Notes-_

_(1)- See 'The Uncanny Couple: Volcanoes and Telepaths' for details._

_Next: The return of Morbius the Living Vampire!_


	2. Night of the Bat Thing

**The Uncanny Spider-Man**

**Chapter 2: Night of the Bat... Thing**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

_**Disclaimer-** I don't own anything, all familiar characters belong to Marvel. The only thing that I own is Anna Chioptera._

* * *

_**Shout Outs-**_

_**Proponent of EVO-** Heh. Glad you liked that little bit. I've wanted to add that 'I pity the fool!' bit in a fic for ages._

_**Jewel59-** I'm actually going on the comics for this._

_**Agent-G-** The last I heard of Morbius was in an issue of Spectacular, I think. Before that I think we has in an issue of Amazing a few years back. It was when he was kidnapped by Hydra and Spidey had to team up with Blade to beat an army of vampires, or something..._

* * *

_**Quote of the day-** 'I am the only gay in the village.'- Daffyd Thomas **(Little Britain)**_

* * *

**Chartbuster Movie Rentals, Manhattan-**

Peter Parker and his wife MJ were in their local video store trying to choose some rentals. Peter wanted a generic action movie a la 'Die Hard' or a screwball comedy a la 'Bruce Almighty' but MJ was set on a girly romantic comedy, something like 'Bridget Jones' Diary'. Peter was trying to convince his wife that his choices would have been better.

'Aww, c'mon MJ, pleeease?' Peter begged. 'I don't wanna watch that movie again, it's lame and demeaning towards men.'

MJ just stood there with her arms crossed over her chest.

'You're not going to sway my choice, Tiger. I'm going to watch 'Bridget Jones' Diary' no matter what.'

Peter just gave MJ his best puppy-dog look, all wobbly lip and big, wide eyes.

'I'm not gonna cave in.' MJ replied as she turned her head. 'I'm not...'

Peter stepped forward, still with the puppy-dog face.

'You know what, Tiger? You can be so immature sometimes.' MJ groaned.

'Does that mean we can get my choice of movies?' Peter asked hopefully.

'No.' MJ replied, bursting Peter's bubble. 'I am fed up of seeing Bruce Willis running around in a dirty vest and Jim Carrey acting like a loony... again.'

'Nuts...' Peter pouted as he slunk back towards the action section. He was passing the adult section when his Spider-sense went off. He moved out of the way just in time to see a Hawaiian shirt-clad bald guy trip over and spill his rental choices all over the floor.

'Well, well, well. Lookie what we got here.' Peter said with a satisfied smirk on his face. 'Come to stock up on your porn I see.'

Wad e Wilson picked himself up off the floor and swore to himself as he saw Peter in front of him.

'Aww dammit!'

Peter looked at one of the titles on the floor and his grin grew even more.

'Lusty Swedish Big Ones, eh? Not exactly Oscar material but a good choice none the less.'

Wade opened his mouth to say something but couldn't think of anything to say, so he pointed out of the window.

'Look, an elephant!'

Peter turned his head to look out the window but didn't see any elephant. Once he turned back to tease Wade again, the Merc-with-a-mouth had gone.

'Dammit!' Peter cursed to himself, angry that he had been fooled by such an easy trick.

* * *

**Later-**

Peter and MJ were on their way home form the rental store. They had both reached a compromise and chose to rent 'Finding Nemo' instead. They had just reached a taxi stop when Peter's Spider-sense went off once more.

Peter pulled MJ out of the way just in time to see Morbius the Living Vampire swoop above their heads. What seemed unusual about Peter's sometime enemy was the fact that he wasn't hunting; he was the one being hunted! This much was evident a someone, or something, leapt of the roof and tackled him to the ground.

Morbius's attacker didn't look human in the least. It had grey skin that hardly stretched over its bones. It had straggly black hair sprouting form its head. Its mouth was full of needle sharp fangs and it had horrific blood-red eyes. There were also two boney wings protruding from its shoulder blades.

'Time to go to work.' Peter said as he shot MJ an apologetic look. 'I suppose that we'll have to watch the movie another time.'

'Don't worry, Tiger.' MJ replied. 'You just go to work, okay?'

Peter gave his wife a jaunty salute and ducked into a nearby alley to change into his 'work clothes'.

After a quick change, your Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man was back in business tracking down Morbius and his attacker.

Spider-Man followed the sounds of hissing and fighting to the top of a church's spire (where else?) Once he got a better look at Morbius's attacker, he was certain that it wasn't human. Apart form the fang-filled mouth and the blood-red eyes; it had the pointed ears and squashed-up nose of a bat. He could also see that it was female, judging from the... ladybumps that it had.

'Okay kiddies, out of the pool.' Spidey said as he perched atop the weather vane. 'Remember the rules, nor bombing, no eating and no heavy petting!'

The female bat... thing turned to look at Spidey and hissed angrily.

'Oh, let me guess, lovers' tiff?' Spidey asked. 'Or women's troubles?'

The bat-creature forgot about the unconscious Morbius and leapt at Spider-Man. Spidey barely had enough time to leap out of the way as the bat-creature's claws slashed a deep gauge into the spire.

'You could have somebody's eye out with those things.' Spidey said.

'That was the general idea.' The bat-creature hissed.

The sudden revelation that the bat-creature could talk knocked Spidey through a hoop and barely gave him enough time to dodge another slash from the creature's deadly claws. Although it was a glancing blow, Spidey still hissed in pain as the creature's claws raked down his back.

'My mother always warned me about girls like you.' Spidey taunted, trying to ignore the pain in his back.

'You interrupted my hunt.' The bat-creature hissed. 'No matter, you smell like a much more satisfying meal anyway!'

'No thanks, I've already eaten.' Spidey replied as he somersaulted out of the way again. 'I never eat when I'm working, gives me terrible gas.'

'Insufferable insect!'

'What is it with you bad guys?' Spidey groaned. 'A spider is an arachnid, not an insect!'

Before Spider-Man could get out another witty remark, the bat-creature leapt at him so quick that he couldn't move out of the way. The ensuing collision sent both of them tumbling from the spire, down towards the ground below.

'As much as I'd love to end up squished on some guy's windshield, I'll have to say adieu!'

Before the bat-creature could tighten her grip, Spider-Man shot out a webline and swung away. The bat-creature hissed in anger as she landed on a dumpster with a clang. She looked up at where her dinner had gone and roared angrily at the sky. The Spider could wait for another night...

* * *

**Back home-**

After taking Morbius into custody, Peter decided to call it a night and return back home. He was halfway through the window of his apartment when his wounds got the better of him and he fell straight into his face. MJ came running upto him and helped him to his feet.

'Oh God, Peter! What happened to your back? It looks like you lost a fight against a cheese grater!'

'I bumped into Morbius's newest gal-pal.' Peter winced as he limped towards the first-aid box and grabbed some disinfectant and bandages. 'She's kinda grabby.'

'What happened to her? Is she still out there?'

'Yeah, she fell on a dumpster when we were fighting.' Peter replied as he put the disinfectant on his wounds.

MJ saw what trouble he was having and walked over to do it for him.

'MJ, that's alright. I can do it myself.' Peter said as he backed away form the redhead. 'Besides, you sting.'

'Oh don't be a baby.' MJ replied as she advanced towards him. 'I'll kiss you better...'

'Sorry, babe.' Peter replied with an apologetic smile. 'I don't think I'd be much good for that tonight, seeing that my back's been turned into burger meat.'

'Spoil my fun.' MJ pouted. 'But you're still gonna let my disinfect those wounds!'

Peter leapt over the couch to avoid his wife but his injuries being the way they were, he lost his footing and banged his head on the coffee table.

'Oh God, peter. I'm so sorry!' MJ gasped as she raised her hand to her mouth in shock.

'S'alright lady.' Peter slurred. 'I'll be here all night, try the veal...'

**TBC...**

* * *

_**Next: Chioptera**_

_Peter meets a new Romanian exchange student at school. Does the girl have anything to do with the bat-creature that's stalking the streets? And what's with her bat obsession? Eew!_


	3. Chioptera

**The Uncanny Spider-Man**

**Chapter 3: Chioptera**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

_**Disclaimer- **I don't own any familiar characters, they all belong to Marvel. I only own Anna._

**

* * *

Shout Outs- **

_**Agent-G- **I don't know whether Peter has actually met Deadpool so I'm just guessing. He has met some of his fellow BLEW members, remember? _

**

* * *

Peter and MJ's apartment- **

Peter woke up with a groan; it was time to get to school. Mary Jane was snoozing blissfully beside him. She always was a heavy sleeper. Peter reluctantly swung his legs over the side of the bed and hissed in pain, his injuries from the fight with the bat creature a few days previous were still tender. He sighed dramatically as he made his way over to the bathroom.

'S'alright for some.' He sniffed. 'Some of us have to work.'

As if she heard his botching, Mary Jane rolled onto her side and mumbled something incoherent.

'Pedro, the piñata's dripping…'

Peter just shook his head at his wife's mumblings and made his way to the bathroom.

**

* * *

Later- **

Peter had finished his shower and was brushing his teeth when he felt somebody put their hands around his eyes.

'Guess who, tiger!'

'Umm… Tigra covered in chocolate sauce?' Pete asked hopefully.

'You wish!' Mary Jane replied as she swatted him on the arm.

Pete yelped and grabbed his arm in pain.

'MJ, careful! I'm still tender!'

'Oh don't be such a baby.' MJ said with a roll of her eyes. 'You might bad guys almost every other day and you don't make a peep, swat you on the arm and you start crying like an X-Man with a thing for telepaths!' **(1)**

'Shouldn't you be getting ready for your job interview?' Peter asked, hastily changing the subject. 'What's with all the secrecy anyway? You're not joining S.H.I.E.L.D. or anything, are you?'

'No, I'm joining Hydra.' MJ replied nonchalantly.

'Please tell me that you're joking.' Peter said, unsure whether to take that as a joke or not. 'You are joking, right?'

MJ just shot her husband a knowing look and stepped into the shower.

* * *

**School- **

Peter was actually on time for school for once and he was on his way to his first and only lesson of the day. He had the rest of the day free so he was planning on taking an early afternoon swing through the city before heading back home.

Peter had almost made it to his class when he heard the sounds of a fight nearby. It sounded as if a group of people were singing the music to the old Batman TV show.

Peter let his Spider-Sense lead him in the direction of the fight and found a bunch of girls bullying a petite Goth girl.

'Okay, that's it girls, break it up!' Peter said. 'Don't make me call the principal! What was all that about?'

'I-it was nothing.' The Goth girl replied with a British accent. 'Some people just don't appreciate the wonders of Chioptera like I do.'

'You mean bats, right?' Peter asked. 'I'm kinds hazy on my animal classification but I think that's what it means.'

The Goth girl visibly cheered up a bit.

'It's nice to see somebody that isn't an ignoramus.'

'Yah, I used to be a geek at school too.' Peter replied. 'Not that you'd be able to tell nowadays.'

'Oh, you still look like a nerd.' The Goth girl replied with a smile. 'You can't out-grow that kind of stuff.'

Peter couldn't help but notice that something was amiss as his Spider-Sense was tingling, he just let it go and smiled at the girl's kind-hearted teasing. 'So, where you heading?'

'Umm, I'm supposed to be going to Mr Parker's chemistry class. I'm new here so I don't really know my way about.'

'You're in luck then.' Peter said. 'I'm Mr Parker.'

'Anna Gordon.' The Goth girl said as she held out her hand.

'Nice to meet you, Anna.' Peter said as she shook the girl's hand. 'I hope you enjoy your stay at the school.'

'Oh, I'm sure that it isn't so bad.' Anna replied as she followed Peter to his class. What Peter didn't notice that Anna's eyes seemed to turn red for a moment before turning back to their usual green.

**

* * *

Later- **

Peter's class has finished and he was about to make his way home when his Spider-Sense went off once more. It seemed to be one of those kinds of days.

Peter narrowly managed to dodge a figure that haphazardly barged past.

'Scuse me, sorry.' The figure said.

Peter's jaw dropped as he saw who the figure was.

'MJ? What're you doing here?'

Mary Jane gave her husband an embarrassed smile.

'Remember that job interview I said I had? It was for a position as a substitute teacher. Surprise?'

'I think we need to talk…' Peter replied as he ushered his wife outside the school.

**

* * *

A nearby café- **

Peter and Mary Jane were sitting opposite each other in a nearby café discussing the latest turn of events.

'It's not that I don't love you.' Peter said. 'But, why choose a job at the same school that I teach at?'

'I wanted to go to a place that I felt more familiar with.' MJ replied. 'The modelling jobs have dried up recently so I decided to get a job to tide me by.'

'But it's not right.' Peter said. 'Haven't you read that bit in the Bible? Thou shalt not… mooch thy husband's… job.'

'Whoa there Homer Simpson.' MJ said as she put her hand on top of Peter's. 'Is there anything wrong in me working in the same place as you? Reed and Susan Richards do it all the time.'

'That's because they're the Fantastic Four!' Peter replied. 'It's completely different.'

'You're just saying that because you don't want me seeing all those cute students that all have a crush on you!' MJ replied with a cheeky grin.

'They don't have a crush on me… Do they?' Peter asked, his curiosity piqued.

'You wish, ya perv!' MJ snickered. 'Now c'mon, give your wife this one, okay? Is it asking that much?'

'No dear.' Peter sighed reluctantly; it was obvious that he wouldn't win this one.

'Besides, if we both have free periods we could always check out the utility closet.' MJ said with a cheeky grin.

An equally cheeky grin spread on Peter's face as he realized what she was saying.

'Man, I love it when you're dirty.' Peter said as he leant forward to plant a kiss on his wife's lips. MJ followed suit and leant forward to meet him. Their lips were mere inches apart when Peter's Spider-sense went nuts.

'MJ, down!' Peter yelled as he dived on top of Mary Jane, knocking them down to the ground just in time as a car smashed through the café window. **(2)**

'MJ, are you alright?' Peter asked as he slowly got up.

'Yeah, I'm fine.' MJ replied as she got up off the ground and dusted herself off. 'You go to work.'

Peter nodded in reply and went to get changed into his Spidey Gear.

* * *

**Outside- **

Peter changed into his Spidey Gear just in time to see Dr Octopus smashing up the surrounding area. It was obvious that he was the one that threw the car through the window.

'Long time no see, Doc.' Spidey said as he landed on a nearby lamppost. 'Why the sudden tantrum, they cancel Tellytubbies again!'

'Accursed Spider!' Ock snarled as he tried to swat Spidey away with one of his tentacles. Fortunately, Spidey was too quick and dodged out of the way.

'Why is it always _accursed _Spider? Why not _cuddly _Spider or _quite-nice-actually _Spider?'

'I am in no mood for your ill attempts at humour, Spider-Man!'

'Why, that time of the month again!' Spidey asked as he webbed up Ock's face. 'You forget to take your happy pills again?'

Ock yelled in fury and ripped the webbing from his face.

'You have upset my plans for the last time!'

'Been there, done that.' Spidey yawned. 'What's the score so far? 55-0? C'mon Ock, give it up, you're a loser!'

Ock yelled in fury once more and sent his tentacles after Spider-Man. Fortunately for Spidey, they never reached their intended target as Ock was knocked to the ground by another familiar face. It was the bat creature that Spidey fought not all that long ago!

'The Spider is mine!' The bat creature hissed. 'Get in my way and I'll tear out your spine!'

'You will pay for this, whoever you are.' Ock hissed. 'I will be the one to kill Spider-Man!'

'So be it.' The bat creature replied as she flashed her fangs in an evil smile. 'You'd better make your piece before I end your paltry life!'

Before Ock could even raise one tentacle in defence, the bat creature leapt at him in astonishing speed and seized his tentacles. She then spun him around and around before letting him go, sending him smashing through a wall. She then leapt in after him, prepared to rip him to shreds. Spidey followed suit, Dr Octopus may be a bad guy but there's no need to be ripped to shreds.

'Okay kids, out of the pool!' He said as he webbed the bat creature to the wall. 'What's the hubbub, bub?'

The bat creature just hissed in reply and struggled to get free.

'Damn you Spider-Man!' Ock yelled as he tore himself out of the webbing.

'You can quit it too, Mr Shouty-Pants!' Spidey replied as he shot a line of webbing at a nearby hotdog cart and sent it in Ock's direction. Ock tried smashed the cart to pieces but was still covered with brine. He howled in pain as it blinded him.

'This isn't over Spider-Man!' He yelled. 'You may have won this time but you can mark my words that I will be back!'

'Man, some guys are such bad losers.' Spidey sighed as Ock made his escape before he could be webbed again. 'Now to see what your problem is, missy.' He said as he made his way over to the bat creature.

Before he could even lay one finger on her, the bat creature tore free of the wedding and knocked Spidey to the floor.

'This is the last time you disturbed my dinner, Spider.' She hissed. 'You will make a suitable repla…'

The bat creature's boasts were cut off as her eyes rolled back into her head and she collapsed onto the wall-crawler.

'Geez, somebody needs to cut back on the vamp burgers.' Spidey groaned as he lifted the bat creature off him.

Then, much to Spidey's amazement, the bat creature began to change back into a human. It wasn't just any normal evildoer however; the bat creature was Anna Gordon, the same student that he met earlier!

**TBC… **

* * *

**_Next: The Origin of Chioptera _**

_Dr Strange guest-stars as Spider-Man finds out the bat creature's origin._

_**

* * *

Notes- **_

_**(1)- **The X-Man with a thing for telepaths that MJ was referring to was, of course, Cyclops._

_**(2)- **Yes, I know that was blatantly ripped of from Spider-Man 2 but I couldn't help putting it in._


	4. The Origin of Chioptera

**The Uncanny Spider-Man**

**Chapter 4: The Origin of Chioptera**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_Spider-Man and all related characters belong to Marvel, I only own Anna Gordon._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**Readerrr Grrrl- **_Please, not the wrath! Here's your update!_

**LordLanceahlot- **_Glad you liked it, enjoy the new chapter._

**Agent-G- **_I guess that it would suit MJ better to teach drama, seeing that she used to be on TV and all. _

* * *

**Greenwich Village-**

In the prestigious area of New York known as Greenwich Village, there was a house belonging to an expert on matters of the occult. This person was Dr Steve Strange aka, the Sorcerer Supreme Dr Strange! Like regular doctors, Strange made house calls but this time he had a guest.

'So, what's the what Doc?' Spider-Man asked from atop his makeshift webbing chair. 'Is this girl a vampire, mutant or a figment of my imagination brought on by too much blue cheese?'

'From what I have been able to ascertain, this young woman is human.' Strange replied. 'But I can sense a large concentration of magical energy emanating forth form her person.'

The person that Spider-Man and Dr Strange were talking about was lain out on a table before them. She was Anna Gordon, a student of Peter Parker, Spider-Man's civilian identity. Spider-Man was here to see the good doctor as young Miss Gordon also had the ability to change into a bat-like creature. It was in this guise that she had fought Spider-Man several nights previous.

'Do you think it's some kind of curse?' Spider-Man asked. 'Or did she do this to herself?'

'The Eye of Agamotto will not grant us the answers that we wish instantly.' Strange replied. 'We must wait.'

'Oh great, I left a pie in the oven too.' Spider-Man sighed. 'It's going to be ruined, I'll never win the bake sale now!'

Strange merely ignored the wall-crawler's comments and continued trying to find out more about the mysterious teenager.

Strange stopped his efforts once he heard Anna groan slightly.

'It's alive, _it's aliiiiive!_' Spider-Man bellowed as he jumped out of his web chair and flung his arms into the air.

'Oh God, where am I?' Anna groaned.

Anna's vision gradually cleared and she could make out two figures standing over her; one had a neatly trimmed beard and had hair with greying temples. He was wearing some kind of blue tunic and a yellow cloak with a high collar. The other figure was dressed head-to-toe in a red and blue costume, complete with a mask over his face.

'Oh no, it happened again!' Anna gasped as she sat up straight.

'You do know what happened to you, right?' Spider-Man asked.

Anna merely nodded ashamedly.

'Yeah, I got a little out of control…'

'I'll say.' Spider-Man snorted. 'You turned into a giant bat-thing and slashed claw marks down my back the size of the Grand Canyon!'

'Oh God, I'm in trouble aren't I?' Anna groaned.

'Of course not young lady.' Strange replied. 'You have not harmed any innocents, we merely wish to help you with your… affliction.'

'That's putting it politely.' Anna snorted. 'The thing inside me is a bloody curse!'

'Most people say that when they find out that they're mutants.' Spider-Man replied. 'It's nothing to be ashamed of, some of my friends are mutants.'

'I'm not a mutant.' Anna corrected him. 'This… thing is a family curse.'

'Would you care to tell us about it?' Strange asked.

'Well it doesn't look like I'm going anywhere in the immediate future.' Anna sighed. 'I'll start from the beginning…'

'Um, sorry to interrupt.' Spider-Man said a she held up his hand. 'But is this gonna be a long story? Cuz I really have to pee…'

* * *

**One quick potty break later-**

Once Spider-Man had done his business, Anna continued with her story.

'My name is Anna Gordon and I'm originally from Manchester, England. My family haven't always lived in Britain however, my great-grandparents moved there during the Second World War from Romania where the family name was originally Gordonia.'

'My family come from a long line of gypsies living in the Romanian mountains not far form Transylvania. The Gordonia women were taught witchcraft from birth while the men were taught how to fight.'

'This is most unusual.' Strange said. 'I have travelled all over the world and met many different races, but I have never met these gypsies that you speak of.'

'My relatives knew how to keep themselves hidden.' Anna replied. 'Hiding was essential if my relatives were to survive living so near to Transylvania.'

'I think I know where this is going.' Spider-Man said. 'Some relatives went a cropper of a certain Count, right?'

'Yes, they did.' Anna replied. 'As well as witchcraft, my family were taught how to combat the many forces of darkness, like vampires for instance. But Dracula somehow learnt of my people and wiped us out. Those that weren't killed had a terrible curse put upon them, they were to turn into a vile, ravenous bat-like creature if they became angry or upset. The remainders of my family were able to dilute to effects of the curse with their own magics but the overall affects were still there. That was why my great-grandparents fled to Britain; they thought that moving away from Dracula's sphere of influence would combat the effects of the curse. No such luck.'

'I guess that was why you were tracking Morbius that time.' Spider-Man nodded. 'You've got a big mad-on against vampires.'

'Wouldn't you if your family was wiped out by them?' Anna asked simply.

'Perhaps you would permit us to help you.' Strange offered. 'I may not be able to cure your affliction but I can teach you to cope with the burst of rage that you experience during the change.'

'I guess it would help…' Anna sighed. 'I guess it'll beat brooding on my own.'

'Well, with all those loose ends all tied up neatly, I'd better be off, I've got a hot wife to pleasure.'

Then without another word, Spider-Man shot out a web line and swung out of the window.

'May I interest you in some herbal tea?' Dr Strange asked. 'The herbs are form the highest peaks of the Himalayas. I find that a tea brewed form those herbs helps me relax somewhat after a hard day conjuring.'

'It'll be a start.' Anna nodded. 'Cream and two sugars for me, thanks.'

* * *

**Peter and MJ's apartment- **

After getting changed into his civvies on the roof, Peter made his way down to his apartment and the waiting arms of his wife therein. Unfortunately, there were no waiting arms to be welcomed in to.

'MJ, you here?' Peter asked. There wasn't any immediate danger; his Spider-Sense would have warned him if there was. 'Sweetie, you okay?'

Peter then noticed the sound of soft sobbing coming from the bathroom. He hurried over there to make sure that his wife was all right.

Upon reaching the bathroom, Peter saw that MJ was sitting on the floor, curled up against the bath.

'MJ, are you okay?' Peter asked concernedly as he knelt down beside his wife. 'What's wrong?'

MJ merely made sniffly noises and placed something in Peter's hand, it was a pregnancy test.

'Does this mean what I think it does?' Peter asked.

'I'm going to be a mommie…' MJ said through tears of joy.

Peter gave a bellow of joy and grabbed his wife in his arms.

'_Wahoo!_ This is great news!' Peter grinned as he spun MJ around. 'I'm going to be a daddy!'

'But what if we lose this one too?' MJ asked worriedly. 'I'm not sure that I'll be able to cope with losing two babies.'

Peter stopped spinning MJ around and became serious.

'I doubt that even we are that unlucky.' He said. 'But we'd better be extra careful, just to be safe.'

MJ nodded and kissed Peter lovingly.

'I'll call May and the others in the morning, okay?' She said. 'But first I'm going to bed, it's been a busy day.'

'Perhaps a massage will help you nod off?' Peter asked.

'I was kinda banking on that.' MJ chuckled as she took Peter by the hand and led him into the bedroom.

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Protector**

_MJ goes to see Aunt May while Peter seeks help in guardian his wife and unborn child. Guest starring: Deadpool, Psylocke and the Beast!_


	5. Protector

**The Uncanny Spider-Man**

**Chapter 5: Protector**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_I don't own anything, all familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**LordLanceahlot- **_You don't know who Beast and Psylocke are? They're two of the X-Men!_

**Agent-G- **_Yeah, you told me about having read that before. As for Deadpool and Psylocke looking after MJ, look out for appearances in Uncanny Deadpool and The Uncanny Four._

**Thanks to- **_Moonjava._

* * *

**Manhattan-**

It was early afternoon in Manhattan as Spider-Man swung across the city's sky. He was heading towards the building that housed the BLEW Detective Agency. After the revelation that Mary Jane was pregnant again, Peter would stop at nothing to ensure that his wife and unborn child were safe. That included hiring a detective to make sure of the fact.

Spider-Man dropped into an alley beside the building and began to get dressed into his civvies. Peter Parker then made his way in to the building.

Much to Peter's surprise, the agency's office was full of cardboard boxes, as if somebody was moving away.

'I hope I haven't come at a bad time.' Peter said.

'Oh no, we're still open for a business.' Betsy Braddock, co-proprietor of the agency replied as she looked up from her computer. 'Can I help you with anything, Mr…?'

'Parker, Peter Parker.' Peter replied.

'Please, take a seat.' Betsy replied, removing a box from the seat opposite her desk. Peter did as he was told and sat down.

'So, what brings you to Deadpool Inc. Mr Parker?' Betsy asked.

'What happened to the BLEW Detective Agency?' Peter asked.

'Well, the L and the E left.' Betsy replied. 'Calling our agency Bee-Double-You or something would just be silly, so we decided on Deadpool Inc.'

'Fair enough.' Peter nodded. 'Is bodyguarding part of your guys' resume?' Peter asked.

'Hey, we'll do anything.' Betsy replied. 'We have several bodyguarding packages available. What exactly is your price range?'

'I'll pay anything.' Peter replied. 'Nothing is too good for my wife and unborn child.'

'Okay, how about the Scarlet Package?' Betsy asked. 'This particular package is part of our Avengers range.'

'You guys employ the Avengers?' Peter asked, not really sure whether Betsy was serious or not.

'Well everybody has to earn money.' Betsy replied. 'Even the World's Mightiest Heroes.'

'And this Scarlet Package, that would be the Scarlet Witch, right?'

'Yes, that's right.' Betsy nodded. 'We also have the Jade and Giant-Size Packages.'

'Let me guess, She-Hulk and Giant-Man, right?' Peter asked. 'Or is that Goliath, I forget some times.'

'He does change his name an awful lot, doesn't he?' Betsy chuckled.

Peter then looked at the brochure that was handed to him.

'Hmm, that's quite a reasonable price.' He nodded. 'Yeah, the Jade Package sounds good enough to me.'

'You can contact us on this number.' Betsy replied as she handed Peter a card.

'The Baxter Building?' Peter asked. 'You guys are certainly moving up in the world.'

'Well we've started to employ intern as well so we need the extra space.' Betsy replied. 'We'll contact you once the paperwork has been completed, okay?'

'No problem.' Peter nodded as he shook Betsy's hand. 'Thanks for this, it's really important to me that my wife and unborn child are safe.'

'Well thanks for coming here.' Betsy replied. 'Your wife and child will be safe with us.'

Peter smiled at the purple-haired Brit and left the agency with a warm kind of feeling in his chest; glad that Mary Jane and their unborn child will be safe. He only had one more stop before going back home, he was off to Westchester.

* * *

**Queens-**

Mary Jane was sitting in Aunt May's living room nursing a cup of tea. She had originally come to visit to tell May the good news. That was if she could get the woman to sit down for a moment.

'May please, at least let me help you with something.'

'No dear, it's been such a long time since I've had visitors, now indulge an old lady and sit down, okay?'

MJ nodded and took a sip of her tea.

'I'm sorry that Peter couldn't be here but he had to see to something.' MJ said.

'Was it something of the web-slinging variety or something personal?' May asked.

'Something personal.' MJ replied. 'Umm, could you lease sit down for a sec? There's something important that I have to tell you.'

'Oh my goodness, there's nothing wrong, is there?' May asked concernedly as she took a seat. 'You two are alright aren't you?'

'Peter and I have never felt better.' MJ replied. 'Everything is fine.'

MJ decided to get straight to the point.

'I'm pregnant!'

May gasped in surprise as she put her hand to her mouth.

'Oh my, that's wonderful!'

MJ smiled happily as May held her in a hug.

'That's why Peter isn't here.' MJ said. 'He's gone to find somebody that'll protect us, so that I don't lose the baby like last time.'

'I'm sure that it won't come to that.' May replied as she took MJ's hand. 'Nobody is ever that unlucky but it's best to be careful.'

**

* * *

Josie's Bar and Grill-**

Josie's Bar and Grill was one of those places that only scumbags and lesser super-villains frequented. The super-villain community was in a state of panic after the recent spate of killings. That was why several supper-villains had gathered in the bar to come up with a plan of action to make sure they weren't the next ones to die.

'I say we find out where this Scourge guys lives and show him not to mess with us!' Tombstone said.

'Yeah, and get slaughtered for our efforts.' Stilt-Man replied.

'What's the matter, you chicken?' Blizzard snorted.

'No, just being realistic, is all.' Stilt-Man replied.

'Well I still think meeting here is a dumb idea.' Killer Shrike added. 'A group of super-villains all gathered here, we're ripe for the plucking.'

'You're all cowards.' The Grey Gargoyle snorted. 'We're safe here, nobody would dare come into this bar.'

'Unless you're Daredevil or the Black Widow.' Whirlwind replied.

'Aww, me an' the Wreckin' Crew could take him any day.' The Wrecker snorted.

'That may be so.' The barman replied. 'But can you all survive this…?'

The assembled villains looked over at the barman as he pulled a machine gun from behind the bat and let rip, peppering the assembled villains with bullet holes.

After the dust had settled, eleven villains were dead.

'Justice has been served!'

Scourge strapped his gun to his back and made his escape.

* * *

**Meanwhile-**

Peter was on his way form his meeting in Westchester. He had gone to see Hank McCoy to talk about the possibilities if his and MJ's child grew to be a mutant. Hank said that the child would be perfectly welcome at the Xavier Institute if and when the child's mutant powers manifested.

His mind was so occupied that he almost missed his Spider-Sense warn him of incoming danger as he swung over Josie's Bar and Grill.

Peter stopped as he heard gunfire and saw somebody run out of the door. So he set off in pursuit of the gunman. He didn't need to look into the bar to see that Scourge had struck.

'Not so fast Shooty McBang-Bang!' Peter said as he shot a webline at the gunman's legs, tripping him up.

'At last, a like-minded saviour.' Scourge said as he looked at the incoming web-slinger.

'That webbing must have cut off the circulation to your brain, I don't kill people!' Peter replied. Peter stopped; something was familiar about the gunman's voice. Upon closer inspection, Peter could see that the gunman was actually a gunwoman!

'What's the matter, don't you recognise me?' Scourge asked. 'How about now…?'

Peter's eyes widened as Scourge removed the latex mask that disguised her true identity. Peter's heart almost stopped as he saw luscious blonde hair fall out of the mask along with beautiful blue eyes.

'No, it can't be you…' Peter whispered, trying to deny what his eyes told him.

'Now hug for your Gwendie?' Gwen Stacy asked, an evil smile playing across her lips.

Peter was too shocked at the sudden reappearance of his first love that he didn't notice his Spider-Sense go off as Gwen reached into a holster and shot him with a tranquilliser dart.

'Sorry about that, Petey.' Gwen said as she kissed the top of Peter's head. 'I've got one more thing to take care of. What do you say you meet me at the George Washington Bridge at midnight? Then you can see just who I mean…'

Peter was powerless to act as Gwen shot out a grappling hook and swung away.

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Reunion**

_All is made clear as the newly resurrected Gwen Stacy tracks down the one responsible for her death and exacts her brutal revenge. Will Spider-Man be able stop her before it's too late?_


	6. Reunion

**The Uncanny Spider-Man**

**Chapter 6: Reunion**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

**

* * *

Shout Outs-**

**Ldypebsaby- **_Gwen was brought back by the new Hellfire Club. Check out _'TheUncanny X.S.E.'_ for details._

**TheLegendaryManHimself- **_Yup, She-Hulk will make her URM debut soon._

**Unknown Legacy- **_I'm glad you liked that twist, I always like to surprise my readers._

**LordLanceahlot- **_No X-Men knowledge, huh? Tut-tut, you'll have to do better than that. _

**Agent-G- **_I'm not going to kill Norman off, just hurt him. A lot. This Gwen Stacy is the real deal. Peter will explain everything to She-Hulk soon._

**Thanks to- **_Moonjava, Spyder616._

* * *

**The Raft, Maximum Security Metahuman Containment Facility-**

Norman Osborn was lying in the cot in his cell just staring up at the wall. Then he felt the strangest sensation that somebody was in the cell with him.

'Who's there? Show yourself!' Norman demanded.

'What's the matter, Normie?' A feminine voice replied. 'Don't you recognize me?'

'Who the Hell are you?' Norman asked 'And how did you get into my cell?'

'Now that would be telling the vice replied. 'Actually, this is kinda like _'This is Your_ _Life'_, isn't it? Although in your case, it would be _'This is Your Death!'_

Norman sat up straight and called for help.

'Guards! _Guards!_ There's somebody in my cell!'

'Don't worry about those guards, Normie.' The voice replied. 'As far as they're concerned, you're just fast asleep in your cell.'

'You won't get away with this, whoever you are.' Norman said.

'Oh I think I shall.' The voice replied. 'You ever heard of the Hellfire Club?'

'Whatever Selene wants, she can shove it.' Norman replied.

'What is it with you villains?' The voice groaned. 'Don't you watch the news? Selene's old news, the Hellfire Club is under new management.'

Norman's face filled in fear as the mystery woman stepped out of the shadows, it was Gwen Stacy, the same woman that he killed all those years ago.

'But y-you're dead…' Norman said, backing away in fear.

'I could say the same for you, Normie.' Gwen replied. 'As a Cajun guy once said, _Bang, you dead…_'

Quick as a flash, Gwen pulled out a gun and shot Norman in the knees, eliciting a scream of pain from him.

'Okay, better make that crippled.' Gwen shrugged. 'We can't have you running away form or meeting, can you?'

'M-meeting…?' Norman asked.

'With an old friend.' Gwen replied. 'You might know him, a certain Web-Slinger?'

Gwen just laughed evilly as she teleported Norman and herself away.

* * *

**The George Washington Bridge, Midnight-**

Peter Parker's mind was going a mile a minute as he thought about the night's events. First we enlisted Deadpool's help in guarding his wife and unborn child, then he clashed with somebody that was killing supervillains who turned out to be a lost love back form the dead. Fate seemed to be laughing in his face once more. As soon as Mary Jane had revealed that she was pregnant, Gwen Stacy comes back and reveals she was the one killing all these villains.

Peter's Spider-Sense went off as he approached his destination. He could already see Gwen standing there waiting for him. There also seemed to be someone there with her, somebody dressed in a prison uniform.

'Nice of you to make it, Petey.' Gwen said as she smiled sweetly. When Gwen smiled like that in the old days, it would make Peter's heart spin but now, it just made him feel queasy. 'You're just in time to join the party. Say hello Normie…'

Gwen held up the unconscious Norman Osborn. Peter's eyes widened in shock at the sight of the battered and bloodied Osborn.

'Pff, look at that.' Gwen snorted. 'The pansy passed out. Give me a sec to bring him around, would you?'

Peter just stood there dumbstruck as Gwen began to slap Norman around.

'C'mon Norman, I thought you were stronger than this.' Gwen said as she slapped him across the face. 'What's the matter? That Goblin Serum not holding up?'

Norman came to with a groan.

'Oh God…' Norman moaned. 'Parker too…'

'I wish I could say this was a pleasure.' Peter replied. 'But… I can't.'

'Just hurry up and kill me already.' Norman said.

'Who said I'm gonna kill you?' Gwen asked. 'That's too quick for you. First I'm going to hurt you like you've never been hurt before. Then I'll let you heal. I'll let the bruises subside and your bones knit back together, as that junk coursing through your veins will no doubt speed up, then I'll kill you.'

'Gwen. This isn't the way…' Peter said.

'Aww c'mon Petey.' Gwen snorted. 'You want this as much as I do. Just imagine how peaceful your life will be if Osborn wasn't here. Aunt May will be safe, Mary Jane will be safe. Heck, even that unborn kid she carried in her belly will be safe.'

Peter's blood began to boil at the thought of Gwen mentioned his unborn child.

'How did you know?'

'The Hellfire Club's got operatives everywhere, babe.' Gwen replied. 'Now, what do you say you join me in kicking this bastards ass?'

'Do it Parker, you know you want to…' Norman hissed.

'Shut up, you.' Gwen growled as she backhanded Norman across the face. 'You don't get a say. Now Peter, will I have to fight you or are you going to join me?'

'You know I can't let you hurt Osborn.' Peter replied. 'He may be a bastard of the highest order but this isn't the way.'

'Oh well, suit yourself.' Gwen shrugged.

Peter's Spider-Sense flared up just in time as Gwen opened fire with her gauntlet darts. Peter managed to avoid the first few but several nailed him in the shoulder and he fell to his knees, his head starting to feel heavy.

'I want you to stay conscious long enough to see this Peter, you deserve to see Norman get his comeuppance.'

Peter was powerless to stop Gwen as she picked Norman up in her arms and brought his back down on her knee, breaking in with one foul strike. Gwen dumped the ruined Norman at her feet and sneered at Peter.

'Be seeing you…' She said as she dived backwards of the bridge.

Peter stayed conscious just long enough to hear police helicopters approaching before succumbing to the tranquilliser darts.

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Revelations**

_She-Hulk guest stars as Peter tells the Jade Giantess and Mary Jane everything._


	7. Revelations

**The Uncanny Spider-Man**

**Chapter 7: Revelations**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own Toxin._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**Mark C- **_Morgan LeFey and the new Hellfire Club brought Gwen Stacy back to life. Gwen hasn't finished with poor Peter._

**Needles- **_Sorry, Sarah doesn't exist in the URM-Verse. _

**TheLegendaryManHimself- **_Iwas hopingthat Scourge being Gwen Stacy would shock my readers. Heh._

**Agent-G- **_I'll touch on the case between Jameson in this chapter. MJ and Jen will have a friendship going on. Perhaps I'll even have MJ pop up at one of Jen's infamous drunken parties at Avengers Mansion. Heh._

**Thanks to- **_Moonjava, LordLanceahlot._

* * *

**Peter and Mary Jane's apartment-**

It was about lunchtime in Peter and Mary Jane Parker's New York apartment. Jennifer Walters, aka She-Hulk, had started her job of protecting Mary Jane and her unborn child. She even went so far as to cook the day's lunch, a quick meal of pasta and garlic bread.

'I know that we're paying you for this, Jen.' Mary Jane said. 'But there's really no need to cook lunch every day.'

'Well we can't have you doing everything in your condition, can we?' Jen replied.

'Jen, I'm pregnant, not an invalid.' Mary Jane said. 'And there's ages to go yet, my bump isn't even starting to show.'

'Well I'm cooking lunch, so there.' Jen replied, sticking her tongue out immaturely.

'Oh yeah, real mature.' MJ snorted. 'The world's collective bad guys must be quaking in their boots.'

Jen just chuckled at that and added a little more pasta into the steadily boiling pot.

'Mmm, that smells nummy.' A newly arrived Peter Parker smiled. 'MJ cracking the whip again?'

'You're lucky that I'm in a good mood, Tiger.' Mary Jane replied. 'Or I would have kicked your butt for that, pregnant or not.'

'Lovely to see you too, sweetie.' Peter said, pecking his wife on the cheek. 'So what's for lunch?'

'Pasta a la She-Hulk.' Jen replied.

'Dies that mean that it's green and smashes junk up.' Peter asked cheekily.

'Hardy-har-har.' Jen replied. 'I don't take that kind of crap form Hawkeye, and I won't take that kind of crap from you.'

Mary Jane looked at her husband with a worried expression, ever since Gwen Stacy had come back, and revealed herself to be the new Scourge of the Underworld; Peter had been in a near constant depression. He hid this well but Mary Jane knew that something was up.

'Peter, there something wrong honey?' MJ asked.

'Just the usual midday attack of the villains.' Peter replied. 'You wouldn't believe how dumb some of these guys are, Rhino even went so far as to hold-up a donut stand. A donut stand, I tell you!'

Mary Jane looked straight through her husband's playfulness and went straight for the matter that was hurting him.

'It's Gwen again, isn't it?' She asked. 'We'll get through this, we always do. Besides, we've got Jen on our side this time.'

Peter sighed reluctantly, there was really no use in hiding anything form his wife.

'It's just that nobody ever stays dead in this business.' Peter said. 'And it's not just the X-Men either.'

'Yeah, take it form somebody that's died before.' Jen said. 'It kinda gets passé after a while.'

'You didn't see what Gwen was like that time on the bridge.' Peter explained. 'She took down Norman Osborn on her own and broke his back!'

'Well why not gather up a gang of your superhero friends and take her down?' Mary Jane asked 'Like that time with the Sinister Six.'

'Or the Carnage Riots.' Jen added.

'What I'm saying is that you've got friends to help you.' Mary Jane said. 'You're not alone.'

Despite his depression, a small smile spread across Peter's face.

'Thanks.' He nodded. 'That really means a lot to me.'

Jen smiled at the cosy sight and stirred her pasta. The reason why she wasn't freaking out that she was working for Spider-Man was because Peter and Mary Jane sat down with her and explained all the details. That caused a few chuckles from the Jade Giantess, as she had been involved with a case against Jonah Jameson, the owner of the Daily Bugle. Then unaware of Spider-Man's true identity, she helped him sue Jameson after all the slanderous things he had printed in the Bugle. Unfortunately for Peter, seeing that he had taken many of the photos to go with the articles, he ended up involved in the case too. Wanting to avoid any money loss on his account, he settled on having himself and Jameson dress up as chickens and hand out written apologies to the public.

'Hey, what do you say I treat you guys to a night out?' Jen asked. 'I know this great place that does a super deal on tequila.'

'Tequila, eh?' Peter asked curiously. 'Sounds fun. I guess I could get Daredevil to cover my shift.'

'No drinks for me I'm afraid.' Mary Jane said. 'I'm with child, remember?'

'Oh well, all the more for me, I guess.' Jen shrugged.

* * *

**The Vault-**

The Vault was a top security containment facility that housed errant supervillains. Even though it had seen many inmates escaped, the US government still insisted on its use. Unknown to them, they were about to experience another break out.

Kristy Johnson, aka the mutant symbiote known as Toxin, was lying back in her cell when she felt something fall onto her lap. Kristy looked up to see who dropped the package on her lap but couldn't see any possible way for somebody to drop a package on her lap, apart from a slightly loose ceiling tile above her head.

Kristy just shrugged and opened the package. Inside was a key, a list of names and a note.

'Use this key. It will unlock your containment collar.' Kristy read out loud. 'Meh, what the Hell, it's worth a try.'

Kristy stuck they key in the lock of the collar that nullified her powers and was surprised to see it fall off with a clunk.

'Cool.' Kristy grinned as the symbiote within her seeped out of her skin and soon covered her completely. 'Now to see who else is on this list. Adrian Toomes- The Vulture, Mac Gargan- Scorpion, Max Dillon- Electro, Otto Octavius- Dr Octopus, Michael Morbius- Morbius the Living Vampire. Hunh, quite a collection. Gotta catch 'em all'

Toxin then let rip with an energy blast, blasting a hole in her cell wall. She stepped through the hole amidst alarms blaring. As soon as she did this, armed guards cane running.

'Ooh, Lookie here, new playmates.' Toxin grinned as she blasted the guards off their feet. 'Aww, I broken them.'

And that's how it went, Toxin blasting her way to the cells of the people on her list. It didn't take her long to release them all. That was when a blonde woman appeared through a white disc.

'Hey, I know you.' Electro said. 'You're that Stacy kid that Osborn offed.'

'Osborn won't be around for a while.' Gwen Stacy, aka Scourge of the Underworld replied, 'He had an… accident.'

'You broke his spine, y'mean.' Scorpion added. 'Well I'm in whatever ya got planned.'

'And what exactly is it you have planned, my dear?' Dr Octopus asked.

'Toxin here is going to lead the new Sinister Six!' Gwen replied. 'I would do it myself but I have other things to do. Y'know, screw around with the X-Men, the usual.'

'I will join but I will be the one to kill Spider-Man.' Dr Octopus said.

'That's the thing.' Gwen replied. 'I don't want you to kill him. Just hurt him, a lot. You may do whatever you wish with him but don't kill him, or you will end up like this guy…'

The collection of villains watched as Gwen picked up the lone conscious guard by the neck and punched a hole through his chest, holding his heart in her hand.

'Hunh. I like this woman already.' Electro snorted. 'I'm in. At least being back on the streets means I can get back at those jerks in Cleveland.' **(1)**

'I'm in.' Scorpion added.

'As am I.' Dr Octopus said.

'Any excuse for some gratuitous property damage.' Toxin nodded.

'Count me in too.' The Vulture said.

'Me too.' Morbius hissed.

'Well then, allow me to present you the newly formed Sinister Six.' Gwen said. 'May Spider-Man wish he never crossed our paths.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Six by Six**

_The Uncanny Sinister Six begin their campaign of terror and Spider-Man must form his own team to take them on. Guest starring: She-Hulk, Black Cat, the Human Torch, Daredevil and Wolverine._

* * *

**Notes-**

**(1)-**_Electro had his butt kicked by Tusk and Iron Madien in_'The Uncanny Kid Razor.'


	8. Six by Six

**Uncanny Spider-Man**

**Chapter 8: Six by Six**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel. I own Toxin. Yes, I am fully aware that there is a character around now that's called Toxin but I came up with my Toxin before then. So there. Nerr._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**Needles- **_You read my mind. Peter and MJ are indeed going to move in with the new team._

**TheLegendaryManHimself- **_It's always cool when characters from other comics team-up with each other. Chaos will inevitably ensue._

**Agent-G- **_Morbius was arrested in the chapter with the bat-girl, I just went back and checked. For Spidey's team I was thinking of calling it something along the lines of _'Uncanny Super Friends.'_ Y'know, like the old cartoon series. Then that way I can bring in Iceman and Firestar too. Or I could call them the Uncanny Defenders or something._

**Thanks to- **_LordLanceahlot, Spyder616._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_'If God had wanted us to be vegetarians, he wouldn't have made animals out of meat.'- _**Me, just now.**

* * *

**Peter And Mary Jane Parker's apartment-**

It was early in the morning as a rather groggy Peter Parker walked out of his bedroom in search of sustenance. The schools were on a break, so technically Peter should be staying in bed with his beautiful, pregnant wife. But that was not the case. Peter wanted to go out on an early patrol before going over to the Daily Bugle and handing in his latest crop of photographs of Spider-Man fighting Hydro-Man in Central Park.

Peter smiled slightly at the sight of Jennifer Walters zonked out on the couch, snoring like a freight train. It was lucky that Mary Jane was a heavy sleeper or the poor women wouldn't be able to get any sleep at all with such a cacophony going on in the room next to theirs.

Peter headed for the fridge and peered inside. It was pretty bare. Nothing there except some eggs, cheese and a red pepper.

'Omelette it is then.' Peter said to himself as he began to get breakfast prepared.

Upon cracking the eggs open and plopping them in the pan, Peter went about making some coffee and juice. Just lately, Mary Jane had been having a craving for orange juice with a dollop of whipped cream on top. It wasn't exactly one of the most exotic cravings that Peter had heard of, but at least it wasn't something weird like a chocolate and Spam taco.

Peter whistled quietly to himself as he grated the cheese into the eggs and mixed it up.

There was a mumbled groan as Jen woke up.

'Mmm, do I smell omelettes?' The Jade Giantess asked as she popped her head over the top of the couch.

'Yup.' Peter replied. 'I am preparing you fine ladies some breakfast. Okay, the cupboards are a little bare but we have to make do with the stuff that we have, y'know.'

Jen pulled up a chair and flopped down.

'Mmm, I can't remember the last time I had a nice omelette.' Jen said with a lick of her lips. 'Wanda used to make the best omelettes I had ever tasted. Pity she's a little too busy for that kind of thing nowadays.'

'You mean she's too busy with Cap, right?' Peter asked as he began to chop up the red pepper. 'Man, who woulda thought those two would end up with each other.'

'And the best thing was that they got together at one of my patented kickass parties.' Jen grinned proudly. 'Man, I so rule.'

'Mmm, do I smell food?' Mary Jane murmured sleepily as she stepped out of the bedroom. 'Let me guess… Spanish omelettes.'

'Got it in one, sweetie.' Peter replied with a smile. 'Here's your OJ with whipped cream so all you need to do now is sit down and let your doting husband do all the work.'

Mary Jane did as she was told and took a seat.

'Geez MJ, you've sure got Peter whipped.' Jen chuckled.

'Sometimes literally.' Peter chuckled.

'_Peter!' _Mary Jane hissed, shooting her husband a glare. 'We really don't get up to anything Jen, honestly.'

'_Right,_ I'm sure you don't.' Jen snickered.

* * *

**Later-**

After a rather uneventful patrol, Peter headed back home. He was going shopping with Mary Jane and Jen. They obviously needed to buy some groceries. The baby was due any moment now and the Parkers couldn't have their child born to a family with bare cupboards.

The trio were walking down the street. Peter was reading off the shopping list while Jen carried the bags. Havin She-Hulk as a bodyguard sometimes doubled as bag-carrier.

'So we've got all the frozen goods, right?' Peter asked. 'Pizza, various meats. What about fresh produce?'

'That's our next stop.' Mary Jane replied. 'Apples and oranges. I need to keep my Vitamin C levels up. Then there's lettuce and stuff for salad.'

Peter nodded and put the list back in his pocket.

'Right, off to the green grocer's stall we go…'

Unfortunately, the trio never got to their destination as Peter's Spider-Sense went wild.

'Jen, get MJ to cover.' Peter said. 'We've got trouble.'

'What kind of trouble?' Jen asked.

'Oh, about eight tentacles' worth.' Peter replied as he saw Doctor Octopus throwing parked cars about with his robotic limbs.

Jen did as she was told and took Mary Jane to the safety of Avengers Mansion while Peter dealt with Doctor Octopus.

* * *

**After a quick change- **

Once Peter had ducked into a nearby alley to change into his 'work clothes' he swung around the corner to see that Ock wasn't alone. He was joined by Electro, Scorpion, the Vulture, Morbius, and the mutant symbiote known as Toxin.

Now, normally the prospect of taking on six supervillains wouldn't be much of an exciting one for Peter, but there were other heroes there too. Black Cat, Wolverine, the Human Torch and Daredevil were there as well.

'Saves me asking them for help, I guess.' Peter said to himself as he swung towards the battle. 'Hey guys, enough room for a little one?'

'About time you showed up, Web-Head.' The Human Torch said. 'Pick a partner and start dancing.'

'I've got first dibs!' Toxin said as she tried to blast Spidey with an energy blast. Fortunately, Spidey easily avoided her.

'Man, they sure don't make hi-tech maximum security prisons like they used to nowadays.' Spidey said as he landed atop a lamppost. 'I'm surprised the things are kept open, what with a mass breakout every other week.'

Toxin hissed in anger and ripped the lamppost from the ground.

'I'm going to crush you like the bug that you are!' She hissed.

'You're not the first one to try.' Spidey sighed as he flipped over Toxin's head. 'Now normally I wouldn't hit a lady, even super-powered symbiotic psychopaths but you are in no way a lady.'

Toxin hissed once more as Spidey swept her legs from under her and shot webbing in her face.

'I may not be a lady but I'm still going to crush you.' Toxin hissed as she ripped the webbing from her face. 'Toxin smash! Rraghh!'

'Taking eloquence lessons from the Hulk, I see.' Spidey said as he flipped out of the way.

'Hey, Spidey.' Wolverine called. 'Are Ock's tentacles made out of adamantium nowadays or just steel? I keep on losing count.'

'Steel.' Spidey replied. 'Why do you ask?'

'No reason.' Wolverine shrugged as he slashed at Ock's mechanical limbs, eliciting a yell from the former scientist.

'Ya look pretty 'armless to me now, Ock.' Wolverine snickered as he stood over the defeated villain.

'Geez Wolvie, talk about bad jokes.' Black Cat winced as she grabbed Scorpion by the tail and swung him around. 'That's bad, even by Torchie's standards.'

'Hey! Still here!' The Human Torch replied as he set the Vulture's wings alight. 'My jokes aren't _that_ bad.'

'That isn't what Grimm told me.' Wolverine said.

'Okay, perhaps my witty repartee does need a little work.' The Human Torch shrugged. 'But at least I've got a sense of humour, unlike certain people not a million miles away.'

'I have it on rather good authority that I have a great sense of humour.' Daredevil replied a she knocked Morbius out with a blow from his billy club. 'Just ask the Black Widow, she'll tell you just how funny I can be.'

While all the other villains were tangling with their respective opponents, Electro was left all on his own with nobody to fight.

'Heh. This is sweet.' Electro chuckled. 'Leave the others do all the work while I just sit back with a brewski. My kinda fight.'

'Now that isn't the right kind of attitude to take, is it?'

Electro spun around to see She-Hulk standing behind him.

'Oh, crap…' Electro groaned.

She-Hulk just grinned evilly and cracked her knuckles.

'It looks like it's up to me to mop up everybody's mess.' She snickered.

'Just do it quick.' Electro winced. 'But please, not the face.'

She-Hulk just grinned with glee as she picked Electro up and threw him through the air, bowling the rest of the villains down.

'You _have_ to tell me that was a ten-pointer.' She-Hulk grinned.

'A little rough on the dismount but otherwise fine.' Spidey replied. 'Eight-point-five at the most.'

'Are you mental?' She-Hulk asked. 'It was a strike! Therefore ten points.'

'Meh, suit yourself.' Spidey shrugged. 'I'm just glad this fight's over. I need to get back home, I have shopping to unpack.'

'Hey, why don't we do this again some time?' The Human Torch asked. 'Y'know make a permanent thing of this. Form a team and junk.'

'What are we going to call ourselves?' Black Cat asked. 'The New Defenders?'

'She-Hulk and her Amazing Friends?' She-Hulk asked.

'Hmm, that's not such a bad idea.' Spidey replied. 'But just with one minor adjustment. How about _Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends?_'

'Dude, that name sucks.' The Human Torch winced. 'It's so clichéd.'

'Well call it whatever ya want.' Wolverine shrugged. 'Just don't expect me to do much, I'm in enough teams as it is.'

'That's only because you're such a merchandising cert.' She-Hulk replied. 'Trust somebody that's been there.'

'That's unless you're too busy with a certain weather witch.' Daredevil said, a small grin appearing on his face.

'Don't try to be funny, Red.' Wolverine sighed. 'It ain't becomin'.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Uncanny SuperFriends**

_Peter and Mary Jane move into their new home, SuperFriends Tower! Guest starring: Iceman and Firestar._


	9. Uncanny SpiderFriends

**The Uncanny Spider-Man**

**Chapter 9: Uncanny Spider-Friends**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Shout Outs- **

**Needles- **_Correct guesses on Spidey, MJ and She-Hulk staying in the Tower. No Black Cat, Daredevil or Black Widow though. Black Cat is living in the Baxter Building with the rest of Deadpool Inc. while DD and the Widow are living together in Hell's Kitchen. _

**Doza- **_I'm glad you liked this fic so far and I hope you'll like what I have planned in future chapters too. _

_**Agent-G- **I'm sorry that you didn't like this. I don't force people to read my stuff. If people don't like my stories, they don't have to read my stuff. And I do try to put lots of description into my work for people that don't know but apparently this isn't enough. I'm sorry but I can only do so much. And as for needlessly stretching my chapters out…Need I remind anybody how much of a farce recent issues of Ultimate Spider-Man was? Bendis needlessly stretched the plot out when he could have done it in half the time if he cut down on half the waffle. Also, I kind alike the old 'Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends' show. Yes, it was cheesy and kinda lame but that was part of the charm._

**Thanks to- **_LordLanceahlot._

* * *

**Manhattan-**

A chauffeur-driven limousine pulled up outside one of Manhattan's many skyscrapers and four figures stepped out. A nondescript man with brown hair, an attractive redheaded woman with a pregnant belly, a sweet little grey-haired woman and a very tall, muscular green-skinned woman. They were Peter, Mary Jane and May Parker and Jennifer Walters: She-Hulk. They had arrived at their new home.

'Oh my…' May's jaw dropped as she looked up at the colossal structure before them. 'Are you sure you can afford this?'

'I pulled a few strings and got you guys an apartment for free.' Jen replied. 'It seemed that Tony Stark owed you a favour.'

'Not that I don't appreciate this or anything…' Mary Jane said. 'But… what was wrong with our old place?'

'It wasn't very well-protected from any one of Peter's Rogues for one.' Jen answered. 'Stark Towers has one of the most sophisticated security systems in the country. Second only to Avengers Mansion, the Baxter Building and the Whitehouse.'

'What about the Xavier Institute?' Peter asked.

Jen opened her mouth to retort but thought better of it.

'Let's move along, shall we?'

* * *

**Inside- **

After a quick elevator right upwards, Peter and the others reached their swanky new apartment. The actual apartment was understandably sparse, seeing that the furniture hadn't arrived yet but the huge windows that ran around the apartment's perimeter gave one hell of a view of Manhattan.

'Are you sure that all these windows are safe?' May wondered as she cautiously peered outside. 'What if that horrid Green Goblin attacks?'

'I doubt he will even get within pumpkin bomb distance.' Jen smirked. 'But if ol' Gobby does, he'll find out that this place is harder to get into than Cyclops' wallet.'

As if to illustrate her point, Jen punched the window. A rather loud '_BOOM!_' reverberated around the room.

'Did you have to do that?' Peter winced as he removed his hands from his ears. 'Ow.'

'Just a handle little invention that Reed Richards came up with.' Jen explained. 'Kind of a cross between regular glass and adamantium. You'd need a Death Star to get through these babies! Add to that, retinal scans, voice recognition, fingerprints, yadda, yadda, yadda…'

'Wow.' Mary Jane breathed. 'Mister Stark sure knows how to be thorough.'

'It's all a little… overwhelming.' May added. 'But if the baby is to be safe… It will make do.'

'That's the spirit!' Jen grinned. 'Now, I'll leave you guys to get acquainted with your new home, okay? I'll give you a shout when the furniture arrives.'

And with that, Jen left the Parkers to get to know their new home.

Mary Jane was the first to speak.

'Wow. This is just… Wow.'

'And how.' Peter nodded. 'But I can't help but feel a little guilty getting a free apartment. I feel like a freeloader or something.'

'There's really no way to feel that way. It's the least I could do…'

Mary Jane gasped in surprise at the new arrival. It was Tony Stark in all his immaculately dressed Armani-suited glory.

'Okay, the least that I could have done was nothing at all…' Tony continued. 'But enough babbling, I am here to welcome you to Stark Towers. Welcome!'

Mary Jane just stood there agape.

'Does your wife usually act like a crazed fangirl?' Tony asked in a hushed whisper.

'You should have seen her when she met Captain America.' **(1)** Peter whispered back. 'She was like a kid in a star-spangled candy store.'

Tony just chuckled at that and turned to May.

'And who is this? I didn't know you had a younger sister, Mary Jane.'

May tried to hide her girlish giggle.

'Oh Peter, I had no idea your friends were so charming.'

'Anything for a pretty lady.' Tony smiled charmingly. 'Now, if there is anything you need, don't hesitate to call.'

'Will do.' Peter nodded. 'Are you sure that there isn't anything we could do in return? I feel kinda crappy just mooching off you.'

'Some decent press coverage wouldn't go amiss.' Tony thought out loud. 'Iron Man could do with some official photos. You know, to send out to the fans.'

'Consider it done.' Peter nodded.

'Well, I'd better get going.' Tony said apologetically. 'Cap's wants to introduce the new Captain Britain to us soon.'

'What happened to the old one?' Mary Jane asked.

'Meggan Braddock dropped a car on her.' **(2)** Tony shrugged.

'I see…' Mary Jane blinked. 'Ask a silly question…'

'I'll see you later, okay?' Tony asked as he politely kissed Mary Jane's hand. 'And you behave yourself, young lady.' Tony told May. 'I don't allow shenanigans in my building.'

Peter and Mary Jane just rolled their eyes at that.

* * *

**Later-**

After the furniture had arrived, been unloaded (Jen was vital for that part) and put away in their appropriate places, Peter and Mary Jane decided to take a look at the view from the roof. May would have gone too, but the excitement of the big move had quite tired her out, so she decided to retire to the bedroom for a nap.

Peter and Mary Jane stepped out of the elevator and gasped at the sight that greeted them. The whole roof was decorated with bunting and balloons. There was even a banner with 'Welcome Parkers' emblazoned on it.

'Enjoy your surprise?' Jen asked as she walked up to the pair. 'This was all Tony's idea by the way.'

'Wow.' Mary Jane nodded. 'Look at all these people… There's Johnny Storm. Matt Murdock. That scary Canadian guy… What's his name? Pine Marten…'

'Wolverine.' Logan corrected as he finished the last of his beer. 'Congrats on yer new home.'

'Geez…' Mary Jane whispered. 'The way you told me, it seemed like the guy could fit in your pocket…'

'MJ…' Peter hissed. 'He can hear you. Shush…'

'Oopsie.' Mary Jane winced. 'Oh look, it's Felicia. I'll go say hi…'

Peter sighed in relief as his wife went to say high to Felicia Hardy, the former cat burglar known as the Black Cat. The fact that Felicia was Peter's ex-girlfriend didn't seem to stop Mary Jane form building a string friendship with her though. Heck, Felicia was one of the baby's godparents so Mary Jane have trusted her.

'That's a nice lady ya got there, Pete.' Logan nodded. 'Yer real lucky.'

'Yeah, I know.' Peter grinned. 'Wait, you're not doing what I think you're doing, are you? Didn't you learn enough from Jean Grey?'

'Pete. I'm over her.' Logan replied. 'Really. I've only got eyes for one woman now.'

'Oh yeah.' Peter nodded. 'Storm. And just where is the fair Ms Monroe?'

'Gone shoppin' with Sage an' Jean.' Logan replied.

'How convenient for you…' Peter said. 'Oh well, enough jibber-jabber, I'd better go schmooze. Ta…'

Logan scratched his head as he watched Peter walk off.

'That is one crazy Spider-Dude…'

Over with Mary Jane and Felicia- 

'And then I said, _these claws aren't for show so you'd better watch your mouth,_ and the rest was history.'

'I really don't know why they even bother letting guys like the Shocker out of prison.' Mary Jane chuckled. 'Everybody knows that he'll go straight back in again.'

'And how.' Felicia nodded. 'Enough about me, how's my little goddaughter doing?' Felicia asked as she knelt in front of Mary Jane's bump and began to babble in baby talk. 'Who's a lovely little foetus? You are. Yes, you're a lovely little foetus. Have you thought of a name yet?'

'Can you believe that Peter wanted to call the baby Anakin?' Mary Jane asked. 'I swear, he's become nigh-obsessed after seeing that darn movie.'

'Look at it this way…' Felicia chuckled. 'He could have wanted to call the baby Yoda.'

'Yeah, I guess I'd better think myself lucky.' Mary Jane nodded. 'So, how's this new boyfriend of yours?'

'Felicia has a new boyfriend?' Peter asked as he walked up behind the pair. 'Oooh. Who is it?'

'Simon Williams.' Felicia revealed.

'The Wonder Man, Simon Williams?' Peter asked.

'No, the Herald of Galactus, Simon Williams.' Mary Jane quipped with a roll of her eyes.

'Wonder Man is one of Galactus's Heralds?' Peter blinked in mock disbelief. 'Man, it's always the ones you least suspect.'

'Tiger, I love you but you really have to stop speaking now.' Mary Jane explained. 'The big move has made you all hyper. Why don't you go and sit down?'

'Yes dear…' Peter replied obediently.

'Man, you really have him whipped.' Felicia grinned.

'Only if he's been naughty.' Mary Jane replied with an evil grin. 'Oh wait, you didn't mean that kind of whipped…'

'And just what kind of whipped did you think I meant?' Felicia asked.

'Oh look, there's Captain America…' Mary Jane said, quickly changing the subject. 'Better go say hi…'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: We're Back!**

_Venom's back but this time he needs Spider-Man's help. What could possibly make one of Spidey's most feared villains ask for his help? The Hellfire Club, that's who._

* * *

**Notes-**

**(1)- **_Mary Jane met Captain America in_ Amazing Spider-Man Vol 2 #50. _Peter and Cap stopped a bunch of Latverian terrorists from killing Dr Doom in the airport._

**(2)- **_Meggan Braddock dropped a car on Kelsey Leigh in_ 'Uncanny Excalibur' _after Kelsey went nuts and tried to kill Baby Betsy._


	10. We're Back!

**The Uncanny Spider-Man**

**Chapter 10: We're Back!**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel and George Lucas._

* * *

**Casa de Parker-**

Peter and Mary Jane were sitting back, chilling in their living room. Recently it had been very busy for the Parkers, what with the big move and all. Aunt May would have joined them, but she was out doing a little spot of grocery shopping.

'Mmm, this is the life.' Mary Jane sighed contently as she snuggled closer to her husband. 'No villains out to crush you. No principals hassling you for being late to class. Aunt May out shopping. Having the place all to ourselves…'

Peter cocked a curious eyebrow at his wife's tone of voice. She was purring seductively. That was never a good sign.

'Umm MJ…' Peter gulped as he slowly edged away from his wife. 'Remember the last time we listened to our lecherous impulses?'

A small smile spread on Mary Jane's face as she looked down at her pregnant belly.

'Yeah, I can see what you mean, Tiger.' Mary Jane chuckled. 'But there's no rule saying that we can't enjoy married life, right?'

'I guess not…' Peter sighed.

Mary Jane frowned slightly at her husband's reluctance to snuggle.

'Don't tell me that you've gone off me already.' Mary Jane sighed as she indicated her breasts. 'Don't tell me you've gone off _these_ babies!'

Peter cleared his throat nervously.

'I-it's not that…' Peter stammered. 'It's just…'

'Peter…' Mary Jane said seriously. 'It's not like I'm asking you to help me practice the Karma Sutra or anything, it's just a little rumble in the hay.'

'Okay.' Peter sighed. 'You've ground me down. Lead me on, lover…'

Peter allowed himself to be led away to the bedroom.

Unseen by the Parkers, a figure was approaching their window at an alarming speed. A rather muscular black-and-white figure swinging towards them on a strand of organic webbing.

Unfortunately for the uninvited visitor, he collided with the unbreakable glass of the window with a mighty '_BOOM!_'

Peter leapt out of the bedroom at the sound.

'Oh God. Anybody but you…' Peter groaned as he saw the figure slowly slide down the windowpane.

'Parker…' Venom wheezed as he struggled to hold on to the window. 'We need your help. We're being hunted.'

'And I should help you because…?' Peter crossed his arms, a sceptical expression on her face.

'You helped us during the Carnage riots.' Venom reminded as he pressed his hands on the glass of the window, a long stream of green droll running down it.

'That was because I didn't have any other choice.' Peter remembered. 'All of New York was going to hell in a hand basket.'

Unaware of the present goings-on, Mary Jane poked her head out of the bedroom.

'Peter, come to bed, honey. My engine can't keep running all day…'

Venom looked at the semi-naked Mary Jane then back at Peter.

'We see that you're rather busy, Parker.' Venom snickered. 'Perhaps we should come back later…'

Peter just slapped himself upside the head and groaned out loud.

'Have I ever told you that I _really_ hate you, Eddie?'

'Oh yeah.' Venom nodded. 'Every spare chance you get.'

'Oh, shut up.'

* * *

**A short time later-**

Venom was sat in a chair in the apartment while Peter and She-Hulk listened to his story.

'Now, just who is after you?' She-Hulk growled, trying on her best bad cop impression.

Venom seemed to regard the Jade Giantess for a moment before he answered her question.

'It's the Hellfire Club. The Hellfire Club is after us.'

'Oy.' Peter groaned. '_Everybody's_ been up against those guys recently. I guess it was only a matter of time before it was my turn.'

'Why would the Hellfire Club want _you_, Brock?' She-Hulk asked.

'Why would we care?' The psychotic symbiote exclaimed. 'All we care is that the Hellfire Club tried to kill us. You have to help us, Parker!'

'Just… Just give me a moment to get changed.' Peter sighed. 'I swear, the world is plotting against me. As soon as I get an ounce of peace, something like this happens. Jen, if Brock even moves a muscle… use your imagination.'

She-Hulk just chuckled evilly as she cracked her knuckles.

Venom waited until Peter had left the room before turning to regard She-Hulk again.

'So She-Hulk, what're you doing tomorrow night?'

'_Eww!_' She-Hulk winced. 'No offence or anything (not that I really care) but I don't really date villains.'

'You had a fling with Juggernaut.' Venom retorted.

'Not listening…' She-Hulk winced.

'You cannot seriously say that Cain Marko is better in bed than us…' Venom continued. 'Come on. It's not as if we're asking for marriage or anything.'

She-Hulk just shivered in disgust.

'Eww. Eww. Eww. You are sick and… eww. Sick.'

'We've never had any complaints before.' Venom winked.

* * *

**Somewhere in the Bronx, later-**

Peter, dressed in his Spider-Man gear, was knelt on a rooftop with She-Hulk and Venom, overlooking the rows of warehouses below them.

'We still don't get what Mary Jane's problem is.' Venom began. 'It's almost as if she's scared of us.'

'That's most probably because she _is_, you dumbass!' Spider-Man growled. 'She **still** has nightmares about that time you snuck into our apartment.'

'Oh.' Venom blinked. 'Do you think we should send her flowers or something?'

'I should think it's a little too late for that, Brock.' She-Hulk sighed. 'Just let MJ be, okay?'

'Yes ma'am.' Venom nodded obediently.

'Geez Jen, what did you do to him?' Spider-Man asked.

She-Hulk shivered in disgust before answering.

'I'm… going on a date.' She-Hulk winced. 'Oh God. I think I'm gonna puke…'

'No way!' Spidey snickered 'You're going on a date with… _him_? Are you mental?'

'Hey!' Venom frowned. 'We're still here, you know!'

'Yeah, that's real nice.' Spidey shrugged, waving Venom away. 'So, when's the wedding?'

'Can we _please_ think of the task at hand?' She-Hulk growled again. 'Hellfire Club screwing around, remember?'

'Yes.' Spidey nodded. 'Prioritise.'

'Do we get to smash some heads?' Venom asked.

'Just wait a sec, Brock.' Spidey replied as he held his chin in thought. 'We're not the Punisher. We can't run in like this is _Death Wish_, or something.'

'Aww.' Venom pouted. 'We wanted to bust some heads.'

'Shut up.' Spidey groused. 'I'm thinking…'

* * *

**Inside the warehouse-**

Unaware of the fact that they had three snoopers… snooping on them, the members of the Hellfire Club that had been assigned to take down Venom went about their business of planning a back-up plan.

'Tell me again why we're not out there shredding the stupid civvies to shreds.' The psychotic symbiote known as Carnage muttered as he paced the room impatiently. 'Shredding the civvies is kind of like my thing, y'know? Without it I'm just…'

'An annoying jerk?' The green-haired assassin known as Viper grumbled, as she made sure her guns were loaded ready for a fight.

'Yes… No!' Carnage blinked. 'Hey! If it wasn't for this damn implant that McCoy somehow managed to put in my head, you'd be joining the civvies in a big pile of burger meat!'

'Quiet, the both of you!' The renegade Shi'Ar known as Deathbird hissed. 'The White King commanded us to stay here. We shall obey his orders. Or do you wish to end up like the last person that disobeyed his orders?'

Carnage and Viper fully well knew what Deathbird was talking about. The last person that disobeyed the White King ended up being fed to Morgan le Fey's pet demons. It was a sight that made even Carnage queasy.

'Where is His Royal Highness anyway?' Viper smirked. 'As loath as I am to admit it, I have to agree with Kasady. Why aren't we out there hunting down Brock again? Isn't it liquidation Scourge's job?'

'Scourge is busy elsewhere.' Deathbird explained. 'Morgan did not explain what however.'

'Your petty squabbling is disturbing me.' A mechanised voice wheezed as a white skeletal figure wearing a ragged cloak walked out from the shadows. 'Preparing for the upcoming battle is paramount.'

'Paramount nothing!' Carnage snorted. 'I _never_ used to prepare whenever I went out on a rampage. If I didn't know better, I'd say that you're chicken.'

As quick as a flash, before Carnage could even hold up one hand to defend himself, the skeletal figure shot out a hand and grabbed the symbiote by the throat.

'You will do as I say!' The White King hissed. 'Morgan Le Fey gave me the role of White King, and I intend to prove myself worthy of the role.'

'Geez, I was only kidding.' Carnage wheezed. 'No need to go mental.'

Deathbird stood up and approached the White King, wanting to remedy the situation as soon as possible.

'General Grievous…' The Shi'Ar woman said calmly. 'Carnage may be an annoying waste of flesh, but he may be right. While we are biding our time here, our enemies may already be massing against us.'

'Hmm, perhaps you are right.' Grievous nodded. 'Yes. We will move at this very moment. If the Black Queen wishes Edward Brock to be eliminated, then Edward Brock **will **be eliminated.'

Carnage's eyes snapped wide open as he sensed an all-too familiar presence.

'It looks like you're gonna get your wish sooner than you thought, General.' Carnage snickered. 'They're _heeeere…_'

Grievous spun around just in time too see a red and blue figure smash through a window above him. She-Hulk and Venom followed soon after as they smashed through the wall, forcing Grievous to shield himself with a skeletal arm.

'Okay, I already know Carnage.' Spidey explained as he perched atop a rafter. 'But you two ladies… not so much.'

Spidey then noticed the droid general below him.

'Wait. This can't be right…' Spidey blinked, putting his hands on his hips in admonishment. 'Has somebody been messing around in other dimensions again?'

'Spider-Man!' Grievous hissed.

'Ooh!' Spidey grinned. 'Have you heard of me? My, my, news sure travels first.'

'Enough talk!' Grievous bellowed. 'Kill Brock and the two interlopers!'

'About time too.' Carnage snickered.

'I'll take the ladies.' Se-Hulk said as she cracked her knuckles. 'Brock, you take…'

'You're mine, Carnage!' Venom bellowed as he charged at his offspring.

'Bring it, Pops!' Carnage sneered as he got ready to fight his 'father.'

'I guess it leaves the scary skeleton droid man to me then.' Spider-Man sighed as he leapt off his perch. 'Man, this is going to be sweet!'

'I am glad that you are meeting your impending death with mirth.' Grievous nodded as he threw his cloak to one side and straightened to his full height. 'I always enjoy it so much more when my prey dies with a smile on their mouth.'

'Y'know, I kinda preferred you in the movie…' Spidey admitted as he shot Grievous in the face with webbing. 'You didn't talk as much.'

Grievous didn't even blink an eye as he snatched two lightsabres from his belt and lit them up, shredding the webbing before it could stick to him.

'Aww, nuts.' Spidey winced as he dodged the twin lightsabres. 'And here I am without my lightsabre too. Hardly fair, don't you think?'

'Being fair is underrated.' Grievous remarked as he slashed at Spidey with his lightsabres.

Elsewhere, She-Hulk was squaring up against Viper and Deathbird.

'Are you ladies going to give up and come along peacefully like nice little Hellfire people or will I have to get serious?'

Viper answered the question with a barrage of bullets in the Jade Giantess' direction.

'You have it your way, hon.' She-Hulk shrugged as she cracked her knuckles. 'Inevitably ladies, She-Hulk will smash!'

She-Hulk grabbed an attacking Deathbird by the wings and tossed her into Viper, knocking them both to the floor.

'Oh c'mon. I thought you X-Villains were supposed to be badasses.' She-Hulk snickered. 'You're not all that.'

'You will _pay_ for this effrontery!' Deathbird hissed as she stood up off the ground. 'I am the rightful heir to the Shi'Ar throne! I am Deathbird!'

'And I'm a Pisces.' She-Hulk retorted as she swatted the alien woman away with barely a blink. 'Whatever.'

Over with Venom and Carnage, the two symbiotes were rolling across the floor, biting and clawing at each other like two drunken college girls having a catfight.

'We will rip out your spine and drink the fluid!'

'I'm gonna tear out your liver and spread it on my toast!'

'We're gonna rip out your ribcage and use it as a toast rack!'

'I'm gonna gouge out your eyes and give them to Scourge for earrings!'

'We have had enough of this!' Venom roared as he booted his spawn off him. 'You have tainted this city with your presence for too long! We are going to end this now!'

'And here I was thinking that you were just playing.' Carnage snickered. 'You couldn't kick my butt even if it was the most butt-kickingest day of your life and you had an electrified butt-kicking machine!'

Unfortunately for Carnage, he didn't get the chance as She-Hulk tossed Deathbird through the air, impaling the symbiote on her wings.

'Hey!' Venom groused. 'He was ours!'

'We can share Viper if you want.' She-Hulk offered.

'Meh.' Venom shrugged. 'She'll have to do.

Back with Spidey, he was still having a little more trouble with the lightsabre-wielding General Grievous.

Spidey had already managed to yank the General's lightsabres away with webbing. Unfortunately, Grievous had plenty more to take their place.

'Man, if Shadowcat knew that I was duking it out with you, she'd plotz!' Spidey laughed as he blocked Grievous' lightsabres with his stolen pair.

'You talk too much, insect!' Grievous snorted as he booted Spider-Man out of the way.

'What is it with villains?' Spidey groused. 'A spider is an arachnid! An _arachnid!_'

Spidey flung one of his lightsabres at Grievous, neatly cutting off one of the General's arms. Grievous simply laughed out loud at that as his extra pair of arms popped out from their hiding places.

'Prepare to die, Spider-Man!' Grievous snarled, now wielding three lightsabres!

'I don't think so, your generalship.' Spidey replied as he vaulted onto a wall. 'You're already beaten. Just look at your precious lackeys.'

Grievous looked about him to see Carnage impaled against the wall by an unconscious Deathbird's wings and Venom poking an defeated Viper with a stick.

'_Curses!_' Grievous hissed. 'You win this round, Spider-Man. But you shall not be so lucky next time!'

Before Spider-Man could even put up one hand to stop them, Grievous and his lackeys disappeared in a flash of light.

'Oh, for crying out loud!' Spidey hissed. 'They disappeared.'

'At least they don't want to kill us now, right?' Venom asked. 'We have to give ourselves that much.'

'Yeah, I guess.' Spidey shrugged. 'At least I've got some bitching presents to give MJ once I get back. _Real_ lightsabres!'

'Ooh, shiny…' She-Hulk grinned.

'We want to touch them…' Venom said as he reached out to touch them.

'Hey!' Spidey hissed as he snatched the lightsabres away. 'They're mine… Oh wait, you meant She-Hulk…'

'Hey!' She-Hulk hissed as she swatted away Venom's busy hands. 'Keep your claws where I can see 'em, bub!'

'You've got a right one there, Jen.' Spidey snickered.

'I hate my life.' She-Hulk sighed.

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

Norman Osborn was grousing in his study. The Goblin Serum that coursed through his veins enabled him to survive quite a lot of damage but ever since Scourge had crippled him **(1)**, he had been confined to a wheelchair.

'Just wait until I get out of this wheelchair…' Norman ranted to himself. 'You'll soon find out that it isn't wise to make Norman Osborn angry. Oh wait, you already found that out once before. A-heh-heh… A-HA-A-HA-HA-HA-HA-HAAAA… What the Hell?'

Norman's evil laughter was cut short as the lights went out.

'Oh, for the love of…' Norman growled as he wheeled over to the door. 'Good for nothing electricians. I'll give them a piece of my mind…'

Norman cursed under his breath once as one of the wheels of his wheelchair got caught on something.

'Polite people usually say _excuse me_ when they want to get past…'

Norman let out a yell of surprise as he fell backwards, tumbling off his wheelchair.

'What do you want now y-you witch?' Norman snarled as he struggled to stand upright. 'Playing more games with me? Why don't you put us all out of our misery and kill me already?'

'Funny you should say that, actually…' The figure replied. 'I came here to do that very same thing…'

Norman's eyes snapped open as he saw a sword glint in the moonlight.

'Justice has been served.' Scourge of the Underworld grinned evilly.

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Springtime for Octavius**

_What's this? Dr Octopus finding romance? Has the world turned upside-down? Tune in next time to find out…_

* * *

**Notes-**

**(1)- **_Scourge crippled Norman in Chapter 6._


	11. Hellfire Finale

**Uncanny Spider-Man**

**Chapter 11: Hellfire Finale**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**Zack Strith- **_The thing with Venom and She-Hulk was supposed to be a joke. You weren't supposed to take it seriously._

**DarkKnight92- **_Once again, the Venom/She-Hulk thing was only supposed to be a joke. As for more adventures from the Spider-Buddies, just you keep your eyes peeled for future chapters._

**Robert Mcclelland- **_I'm glad that you like this story. Hopefully there will be many more reviews from you later._

**Sean Malloy-1- **_Sigh. I uses nobody liked my token silly chapter then. You try something different and nobody likes it…As for Gwen getting de-brainwashed… Just you wait and see._

**Agent-G- **_Yeah, the Grievous ideas was a big mistake. I guess I was just hyped up on a post-Star Wars high. The She-Hulk/Venom date thing was just meant to be a joke, you weren't supposed to take it seriously. I guess you guys prefer Venom as a villain then…_

**Thanks to- **_LordLanceahlot, Todd fan._

* * *

**Author's Notes- **_Due to the lack of positive responses from the last chapter, I have decided to change this chapter. Sorry, no Octavius fluff, I'm afraid. Apologies to any Dr Octopus fangirls out there._

* * *

**New York-**

It had been a quiet day in the city of New York. There had hardly been any crime to foil at all. Just one measly mugging and nothing else. Spider-Man was seriously considering giving up and going home to his wife. The baby was due any time now, and Spidey didn't want to miss it when his wife went in to labour.

Spidey was presently sitting atop a gargoyle eating a hotdog he had just purchased from a vendor down below.

'Mmm-mm…' Spidey licked his lips. 'God knows what they put in these things, but they're sure tasty…'

Spidey was so immersed in his quick snack that he didn't notice a familiar blonde figure lower themselves down behind him.

The feline vigilante known as the Black Cat smiled at catching Spider-Man unawares.

'Hey Spider!'

Spidey yelped in surprised and lost his grip on his hotdog, sending it tumbling to the ground, many floors down below. Spidey's Spider-Sense hadn't warned him of his friend's presence as the Black Cat didn't wish him any harm.

'Felicia! Geez.' Spidey gasped, putting his hand on his heart. 'You made me drop my hotdog. I think I killed a guy!'

'Those things are bad for you, you know.' Black Cat tutted. 'Goodness knows how Mary Jane would feel if her beloved husband became a blimp.'

Spidey fixed his friend with a mock-angry glare.

'Is there any particular reason you're here? Are were you just planning on making me soil myself?'

'As funny as seeing you soil yourself is, I was just wondering whether you'd seen today's newspaper.' Black Cat responded.

'Felicia, you very well know that the Parker household is a no-Bugle area.' Spidey pointed out.

'I just thought that you'd want to see the headline, Spider.' Black Cat said as she held out the latest issue of the Daily Bugle. Spidey's jaw dropped as he read the headline.

'Norman Osborn dead?' Spidey sputtered. 'H-how…?'

'He was supposed to have been beheaded.' Black Cat read. 'The words _Justice Has_ _Been Served_ were reported to have been scrawled across the wall in Osborn's own blood.'

'Scourge…' Spidey growled. 'I knew it was only a matter of time until she showed her face again.'

'D'you think this is another case for the Amazing Spider-Buddies?' Black Cat asked.

'No.' Spidey shook his head. 'This thing between Gwen and me is personal. I'm going to take care of this alone.'

'It could be a trap, you know.' Black Cat pointed out.

'I can't take that chance, Felicia.' Spidey sighed solemnly. 'I have to stop Gwen before she kills anybody else. This has gone too far. Osborne may have been a Class-A bastard, but there was no need to kill him like that. People like him should be locked up and have the key thrown away.'

Black Cat didn't say anything more as Spidey shot out a webline and swung away. Hopefully the Web-Slinger wasn't taking on more than he could chew…

* * *

**Later-**

Spider-Man had scoured the entire city for signs of Gwen, but had come up empty. The Web-Slinger landed on the roof of a building near the docks.

'Well, this is the last place left to look…' Spidey muttered to himself. 'If Gwen isn't here, I don't know where she could be.'

Pain shot through Spidey's head as his Spider-Sense went off. Spidey leapt out of the way just as a barrage of bullets shredded the spot he had been standing on.

Spidey looked around for the attacker.

'What the…?'

'Yoo-hoo! Over here, Spidey!' A voice called.

Spidey narrowed his eyes as he saw a familiar figure standing on the roof of a nearby building.

'This is over, Gwen!' Spidey yelled. 'Stop this madness, now!'

'Aww, c'mon Peter…' Gwen pouted. 'Can't a girl have a little fun?'

Spidey answered that question by swinging across to the building and kicking the gun out of Gwen's hand.

'Oh, pooh…' Gwen sulked. 'You're no fun.'

'This isn't a game, Gwen.' Spidey frowned. 'I'm going to take you in for killing Osborn.'

'An eye for an eye, Petey dear.' Gwen responded. 'He killed me, so I simply repaid the favour.'

'You're insane!' Peter hissed. 'The Gwen that I knew wouldn't harm a fly.'

'The Gwen Stacy that you once knew is dead, Peter.' Gwen sneered. 'The Hellfire Club brought me back so I could get my revenge on those who wronged me. Now that Normie's out of the picture, you're next on my list!'

Spidey's Spider-Sense went off again, warning him of danger. Gwen lashed out with a knife, which Spidey easily avoided.

'Gwen, please…' Spidey begged. 'It doesn't have to end this way.'

'Oh, doesn't it?' Gwen asked. 'You can't seriously tell me that you never thought of killing Osborn yourself after all the stuff he's put you through. Just look at the list of the things that monster has done to you: he killed me, he kidnapped your Aunt May and kept her captive for years, he made Mary Jane lose your baby, and he turned Flash Thompson into a vegetable. Norman Osborn was an animal and he needed to be put down!'

'But killing him wasn't the way.' Spidey countered. 'That isn't how it works.'

'Well it should be!' Gwen snarled angrily. 'I just did what you never had the guts to do! Nobody needs to be afraid of that monster now!'

'You're the one who is a monster, Gwen!' Spidey pointed an accusatory finger. 'And I intend to stop you!'

'I have some friends that might have something to say about that…' Gwen smiled evilly as she spoke into her wrist communicator. 'Okay, let's get this party started, people!'

Spidey's Spider-Sense went crazy as hoards of Hellfire Club soldiers burst out of the surrounding buildings. Also amongst the soldiers were members of the Hellfire Club's Inner Circle: Legion, Omega Red, Black Tom Cassidy, Viper, Lady Deathstrike and Carnage!

'Ooh, I love a party.' Carnage grinned, clapping his hands excitedly. 'Dibs on the Web-Swinger's spleen!'

Spidey's shoulders fell. Black Cat was right. This was a trap. There was no way in hell that he could survive this fight.

Fortunately for Spider-Man, help was about to arrive…

'Hi, is this a private party or can anybody join in?' The Human Torch asked as he arrived with a crowd of allies. Along with him were the rest of the Fantastic Four, She-Hulk and several of the Avengers, Wolverine and several members of the X-Men, Black Cat and Daredevil.

'I know that you said that you wanted to take this on your own, Spider…' Black Cat apologised. 'But I couldn't let you leave that unborn child of yours fatherless. What kind of godmother would I be then?'

'Ooh, so many pretties.' Legion grinned. 'We're gonna have ourselves a _real_ party now!'

'You shoulda stayed dead, kid…' Wolverine growled as he unsheathed his claws.

'And what're _you_ gonna do about it, old man?' Legion snorted.

'Oh, I think you can learn that for yerself…' Logan responded as he leapt in to attack.

With that, everybody followed Wolverine's lead and attacked the Hellfire Club without mercy.

'Oh well, the more, the merrier…' Gwen shrugged. 'Just as long as I get you all to myself.'

'I really don't want to hurt you, Gwen…' Spidey warned as he got ready to fight. 'But I will if I have to.'

'That's the spirit, Peter…' Gwen grinned evilly. 'To think I thought you were beginning to go soft!'

Spidey didn't reply as he swung a punch at his ex-girlfriend. Unfortunately, Gwen was ready for this and caught the punch. She then used Spidey's own momentum against him and tossed him over her shoulder.

'You're getting old, Peter.' Gwen tutted. 'Give up before you break a hip or something.'

'I'll never give up as long as monsters like you are still around!' Spidey hissed as he swept Gwen's legs from under her.

'Good boy.' Gwen smiled. 'That's what I like to see, a man willing to go all the way.'

Gwen pulled out another knife and lunged at Spidey again. Spidey quickly webbed Gwen's hand and pushed her away.

'Hmm, what shall I do after I kill you?' Gwen thought out loud. 'Oh, I know. I'll make sure that your beloved Mary Jane and dear old Aunt May join you. Or perhaps I'll only beat you to a pulp, _then_ kill them in front of you!'

That was the last straw! Nobody threatened Mary Jane or Aunt May and got away with it! Spidey lunged at Gwen with a vicious punch to the face, soon to be followed to a kick to the gut.

'That's it, Peter…' Gwen grinned through the pain. 'Don't let up. Show everybody how much of a badass you really are!'

'Shut your mouth!' Spidey yelled as he punched Gwen again. 'Just shut your damn mouth!'

'Ooh, somebody's got a temper!' Gwen teased in a singsong voice.

Spidey didn't reply as he kept on fighting Gwen. Unknown to the two combatants however, they were moving perilously close to the edge of the building.

Gwen slipped on the edge of the roof and began to fall. Spidey lunged forward and grabbed Gwen by the hand just in time.

'You always were a softie, Peter…' Gwen sneered.

'Give me one reason why I shouldn't let you fall.' Spidey responded threateningly.

'You don't have the guts…' Gwen challenged. 'You never did have the balls to kill anybody…'

Spidey's Spider-Sense went off once more as Gwen pulled out a gun.

'You should have killed me when you had the chance, Peter…' Gwen hissed as she pointed the gun at him. 'Now that lovely little child of yours is going to be without a daddy…'

Gwen slowly pressed her finger against the trigger. Suddenly, a jolt of pain shot through her head.

'Ahhh!' Gwen hissed. 'Hurts…'

'Gwen…?' Peter asked concernedly.

'Gotta shoot Peter…' Gwen hissed through the pain. 'Must do it…'

Gwen yelled in pain as she let the gun drop from her hand.

'No!' Gwen screamed. 'I-I can't…'

'Gwen… What's happening?' Spidey blinked in disbelief as he pulled Gwen to safety.

'I-I-I couldn't do it…' Gwen mumbled to herself. 'I-I couldn't do it…'

Gwen felt something warm and metallic drip down her face.

'Gwen, your nose is bleeding…' Spidey pointed out. 'We need to get you to a hospital!'

'No!' Gwen pushed Spidey away. 'It's too late for me, Peter… Leave me…'

'Gwen, no!' Spidey yelled. 'I won't lose you again! Come back to me, Gwen. Please!'

Spidey's pleas were no use as Gwen had already blacked out.

**

* * *

The Baxter Building, later-**

The rest of the Inner Circle had been taken into custody while Spider-Man took Gwen to the Baxter Building to see whether Reed Richards could revive her. Spidey was presently pacing about nervously.

Spidey looked up as the door to Reed's lab opened up and looked at the stretchy scientist with concern.

'Is she…?'

'I am truly sorry, Spider-Man…' Reed apologised solemnly. 'The brainwashing was just too thorough. I dare not do too much at the risk of damaging Ms Stacy's mind any further.'

Spidey punched the wall in anger.

'_Dammit!_ There must be something you can do, Reed.' Spidey asked desperately. 'You're like, the smartest guy in the world! You have to do _something!_'

Reed placed a comforting hand on Spidey's shoulder.

'Ms Stacy has not been subjected to any old brainwashing. There is some kind of… magic stopping me from returning her to normal.'

'Then call Dr Strange!' Spidey demanded. 'He'll know what to do!'

'I have already notified Stephen Strange…' Reed explained. 'But he is unfortunately indisposed for the moment. I will keep Ms Stacy's body in stasis until he is able to help. All that I suggest is left to do is wait. You should get home to your wife. She will be worried. I will notify you when there are any changes to Ms Stacy's condition.'

Spidey sighed heavily.

'Okay, Reed. You've got it. I may as well enjoy what I already have.'

'Good man.' Reed smiled comfortingly. 'You have my word that you will be the first to know when there is the slightest change in Ms Stacy's condition.'

Spidey positioned himself beside the window in preparation to swing away. Spidey turned back to Reed.

'Reed… Thank you.'

'I only wish that I could be of more help…' Reed shook his head solemnly. 'Keep safe, Spider-Man.

'You too, Reed.' Spidey replied. 'And look after Gwen for me, will you?'

'You have my word.' Reed responded.

And with that, Spider-Man swung away home to enjoy spending time with his wife.

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Another One Of Those Days**

_Mary Jane goes into labour. Unfortunately, Spider-Man is in the middle of a fight with the Vulture and the Scorpion. Will the Web-Slinger be able to get to the hospital before his child is born? Tune in next time to find out…_


	12. Another One Of Those Days

**The Uncanny Spider-Man**

**Chapter 12: Another One Of Those Days**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Case de Parker, Manhattan-**

It was a typically quiet morning for the Parkers in their swanky Manhattan apartment. Mary Jane was snoozing on the couch while Peter was preparing breakfast.

'I love the smell of waffles in the morning…' Peter sang. 'I love the way the maple syrup starts to shine…'

Peter flipped the waffles in one hand, did a back flip and caught them perfectly on a plate. He then shot out a web line to snag some orange juice and poured it into a glass.

'MJ, sweetie! Breakfast is ready!' Peter called.

'Mmm, whazzuh?' Mary Jane mumbled sleepily.

'Here is your breakfast, madame.' Peter smiled as he handed his wife her meal.

'Mmm, waffles.' Mary Jane smiled wearily. 'Nummy.'

'You'd better eat them all.' Peter reminded her. 'You're eating for two now, remember?'

'Yes Peter, I am fully aware of that.' Mary Jane rolled her eyes.

Peter leapt over the back of the couch and sat down with his own breakfast.

'It won't be long now.' Peter smiled. 'Just another week or so and we'll be hearing the patter of tiny little feet.'

'No talk.' Mary Jane grunted with a mouthful of waffles and maple syrup. 'Eating.'

'Yes dear.' Peter chuckled kind-heartedly. 'Oh, you do remember that Felicia's coming around to help while I'm at work, remember?'

'Uh-huh.' Mary Jane mumbled.

Under usual circumstances, inviting one's ex around to look after your pregnant wife wouldn't be a good idea, but Peter and Mary Jane were comfortable enough in their relationship that they knew that Felicia could be trusted. Besides, it wasn't as if the former cat-burglar would try to steal Peter away, she was dating the Avenger Wonder Man.

Peter quickly finished his breakfast and loaded up the dishwasher.

'Well, gotta love ya and leave ya, I'm afraid.' Peter said as he gave Mary Jane a quick peck on the cheek. 'I've got the afternoon off so I should be home anytime after lunch. That's if New York's assorted scumbags and criminals decide to behave themselves…'

'Buy me something pretty.' Mary Jane smiled sweetly.

'Yes dear.' Peter sighed. 'Toodles.'

Mary Jane blew her husband a kiss as he went out the door. Now she only had an hour or so until Felicia arrived. Aunt May had left early to go to her wine drinking lesson so that left quite some time to kill.

'Ooh. _Lifestyles of the Rich and Heroic_ is on!' Mary Jane remembered. 'It's a West Coast Avengers special!'

Mary Jane switched on the TV and sat down to watch her favourite show.

'Hunh. It's a miracle that Tigra can carry off an ensemble like that…' Mary Jane said, somewhat bitterly. 'How does she eat all that junk without it all going to her hips? I have to find out her secret…'

* * *

**Later that day-**

Peter's classes had finished for the day and he was on his way home. He had changed into his Spider-Man gear as web slinging across the city would shave off a considerable amount of time from his journey.

Quite unusually for a day in New York, there had not been any crime whatsoever. That just made peter extra suspicious. When a day was as quiet as this, it usually meant that something extra-bad was brewing. Like a bi-monthly visit from the Skrulls or Magneto trashing the city in his latest hissy fit.

Sure enough, Peter's Spider-Sense warned him of incoming danger.

'I knew it was too good to be sure.' Spidey muttered as he landed on top of a flagpole high atop a building. 'Hmm, let's see which one of my playmates is up for a party…'

An electric blast shot out and scorched the spot right next to Spidey's head.

'Hello, Electro.' Spidey sighed. 'Using that _Get Out Of Jail _card early, I see.'

'I'll fry that cocky grin straight off your face, Wall-Crawler!' Electro sneered as he hovered on a field of static electricity.

'Not if I get there first!' The winged villain known as the Vulture added.

'Oh, hey Tooms.' Spidey smiled sweetly under his mask as he gave the octogenarian villain a little wave. 'But don't you think you'd better get back to the old-age villains' home? I think Matlock's on in five minutes.'

'He is?' The Vulture gasped. 'We have to get out of here… Hey, wait a minute… Matlock isn't shown on Tuesdays! You're making fun!'

'Glad to see the Parkinson's hasn't caught up with you just yet, old bean.' Spidey quipped. 'Now, can we get this fight over and done with? Cuz I've got other places to be.'

'Yeah, like the city morgue!' Electro snapped as he tried to blast Spidey with another bolt of electricity.

Spidey easily dodged the blast.

'Geez. They always gotta have the last laugh.' The Web-Slinger rolled his eyes as he bounced off the wall and kicked Electro in the face. 'I thought _I_ was supposed to crack wise.'

* * *

**Back at home-**

Back at the Parker apartment, Mary Jane was still lounging on the couch while Felicia Hardy doted on her.

'Now, are you absolutely sure that there isn't anything else I can get you?' Felicia asked.

'Hmm, let me see…' Mary Jane said as she surveyed the collection of snacks and nibbles laid out around her. Cheesy Doritos, various dips, Diet Mountain Dew, multipack of King-Size Mars Bars… Yup. I think I'm good. Oh, wait! Could I have my pillow fluffed up a little bit more?'

'You know, there is a limit to my kindness…' Felicia sighed as she reached behind Mary Jane's back and fluffed up her pillow.

'There's no need to worry, Felicia…' Mary Jane smiled sweetly. 'You won't have much longer to carry out my every wish and whim. The baby's due anytime soon.'

'It had darn well better be born soon…' Felicia sulked. 'I had another hot date today. Simon was gonna sponsor me to become and Avenger.'

'Get out!' Mary Jane spat out a glob of half-eaten Doritos in surprise.

'That's real classy, MJ.' Felicia rolled her eyes as she picked off the congealed corn products from her front.

'Sorry.' Mary Jane winced. 'But really, you're gonna be an Avenger? This isn't some ploy just to get into your leather catsuit, is it?'

'This is Simon Williams we're talking about…' Felicia pointed out. 'Not Tony Stark.'

Mary Jane laughed out loud at that, but soon regretted it.

'Ooh… I shouldn't have had the garlic mayo…' Mary Jane winced as she put her hand on her belly. 'Ow-ow-ow!'

Felicia stood stock-still as he heard Mary Jane's hiss of pain.

'Mary Jane, I don't think that's bad mayo repeating on you…'

Mary Jane just gritted he teeth in pain and dug her fingernails into the arm of the couch.

'Yeah, I think I kinda got that…' Mary Jane hissed. 'Call Peter…'

'But he'll be home soon anyway…' Felicia pointed out.

'**_Call him!' _**Mary Jane demanded, this time more forcefully.

'You got it!' Felicia winced as she dove for the phone. 'I just hope he isn't in the middle of a fight with Dr Octopus or something…'

* * *

**Back with Spidey-**

Spidey had just leapt out the way of the Vulture's wings when his cell phone went off.

'Hold that butt-whupping…' Spidey asked as he held out his hand and rifled about for his cell.

The Vulture and Electro just looked at each other in disbelief. Who dared to interrupt their killing Spider-Man?

'N'yello? Oh hey 'Licia, what's up…?'

Spidey's eyes widened in fear under his mask.

'MJ's gone into labour? I'll be right there!'

Spidey put his cell phone away and looked back at the two villains.

'I know this totally goes against superhero etiquette, but I really have to go. I don't suppose we could postpone this fight for a more convenient time?'

Electro let off another electric blast.

'Thought not.' Spidey groaned.

* * *

**Back with Mary Jane and Felicia-**

Once she had finished her phone call with Peter, Felicia rushed Mary Jane to the hospital. That's where they were now, waiting for everybody's Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man to arrive and help his wife through labour.

'Where is he…?' Mary Jane hissed through her pain. 'Peter should be here by now!'

'Knowing the typical Parker luck, he's most probably in the middle of a fight with some villain.' Felicia suggested. 'But I'm sure he'll be here as soon as he kicks their butts.'

'He damn well better be…' Mary Jane growled. 'Cuz if he isn't, I'm going to have his ass on toast!'

'Lovely mental image there, MJ.' Felicia chuckled weakly.

Fortunately for Peter's backside, the man in question son ran into the hospital room.

'Oh, thank God I made it!' Peter panted as he ran up to Mary Jane's bed. 'You wouldn't believe the day I just had. I would have come sooner, but Electro and the Vulture insisted on trying to kick my butt.'

'But at least you're here, isn't that right Mary Jane?' Felicia asked.

'Peter, give me your hand…' Mary Jane asked sweetly.

Peter's Spider-Sense started to tingle, but he just dismissed it as backlash from his fight with the Vulture and Electro.

Peter gave Mary Jane his hand, only for her to dig her nails into the skin.

'Ahhh! MJ!' Peter hissed. 'What're you doing?'

'It serves your right for being late, Tiger!' Mary Jane hissed.

'I'm sure it's just her hormones going crazy.' Felicia reassured him.

'You're not the one with a gaping wound in your hand.' Peter winced.

* * *

**Several hours later-**

Fortunately for the wellbeing of Peter's hand, it was a blessedly short labour. Mary Jane had calmed down and was holding her newborn daughter in her arms. Peter was sitting next to her smiling adoringly at his new daughter. Felicia and Aunt May were standing nearby pleased as punch for the en parents.

'Well Peter, what are you going to call her?' Felicia inquired.

'Well, after careful deliberation, we decided on calling her May after another young woman very close to my heart.' Peter smiled as he kissed his daughter on the forehead.

'Not that I want to burst your bubble, but I don't think the apartment will be able to hold everybody.' Aunt May said.

'It's funny you should say that actually, May…' Felicia grinned. 'But I was able to pull a few strings and get you guys a new place to live. You will have to share to with some other people but it's still pretty roomy.'

'Well, don't keep us in suspense, Felicia…' Mary Jane said. 'Where is this wonderful new home?'

Felicia's grin just grew even wider.

'You're gonna be living in Avengers Mansion!'

Peter and Mary Jane just looked at each other dumbstruck. Mary Jane was the first to talk.

'Wow. Avengers Mansion, huh? Just how did you manage to get us a place there?'

'The wonders of dating a charter member.' Felicia grinned.

'Wow.' Mary Jane blinked again, hardly believing her ears. 'Avengers Mansion. I just hope that Captain America's well-versed in babysitting.'

'If there's somebody you can trust to baby-sit your daughter, then it must be the Sentinel of Liberty.' Pete nodded.

Mary Jane let out a little squeak of excitement.

'I'm going to actually get to meet the Avengers! Yay!'

'The Scarlet Witch in particular.' Peter waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

'Just because I've given birth, it doesn't mean that I can't kick your butt, Mr Parker.' Mary Jane narrowed her eyes at her husband. 'We'll have no more of that, understand?'

Peter bowed his head obediently.

'Yes ma'am…'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next- Moving On... Again**

_The Parkers move into Avengers Mansion. How will Spidey adjust to living with the World's Mightiest Heroes? Tune in next time to find out..._


	13. Moving On Again

**The Uncanny Spider-Man**

**Chapter 13: Moving On... Again**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! Bah! I deride your truth handling abilities! You non truth handler, you!_

* * *

**The Parker Apartment, Manhattan-**

It was morning in the Manhattan apartment of Peter and Mary Jane Parker. It was an extra-special day for the Parkers as they were moving into Avengers Mansion. She-Hulk, who up until recently had been the Parker's own personal bodyguard, had sponsored Peter for Avengers membership. After a brief discussion, the Parkers had decided to accept the offer. They would be much safer living in Avengers Mansion now. They needed extra protection from Peter's enemies now that they had a baby.

Mary Jane was presently sleeping peacefully in bed. Peter had gone to make some last-minute preparations for the big move.

'Mmmm, Orlando...' Mary Jane mumbled in her sleep. 'Ooooh. You have such a big cutlass... Yes, I would love to travel the high seas with you... Why, I'd love for you to bring Johnny with you...' **(1)**

Unseen by Mary Jane, a web line shot out and set off the alarm clock on the bedside counter. Mary Jane shot up with a yell as the alarm blared.

_'WAAAAHH!'_

Positioned up above her head, on the ceiling, Peter Parker just burst out laughing.

_'BWA-HA-HAAAA!_ You should have seen your face, MJ! It was priceless!'

Mary Jane just glared up at her husband.

'That wasn't fair, Peter.' Mary Jane sulked. 'I was in the middle of a nice dream.'

'Oh, I bet you were.' Peter smirked. 'Orlando and Johnny, huh? Trez kinky.'

'Just get down here so I can kick your butt!' Mary Jane demanded.

'I'm alright up here, thank you.' Peter smiled back innocently. 'Besides, the limo'll be here soon. You don't wanna miss that. do you?'

Mary Jane just crossed her hands over her chest and muttered various curses under her breath.

'You do realise that this means war...'

* * *

**Avengers Mansion, later-**

A swanky limonene pulled up outside Avengers Mansion. it was followed by a removal van. The chauffeur stepped out and opened the door so the passengers could get out.

Mary Jane looked up at the home of the Earth's Mightiest Heroes. Her gaze was like that of a teenage girl meeting her favourite band. Mary Jane Parker was having a fangirl moment.

'Oh. My. _God!_ I can't believe we are actually standing outside Avengers Mansion!'

'Just wait until you see the inside.' Peter smiled as he put his arm around his wife.

Mary Jane hugged Baby May closely.

'Did you hear that, sweetie?' Mary Jane cooed to their daughter. 'We're going to meet the Avengers! The Avengers!'

Baby May just yawned sleepily.

'You could at least pretend to be excited.' Mary Jane sniffed.

'I for one would quite like to meet Captain America.' Aunt May piped up. 'It's not every day that you meet a living legend.'

'And that has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that you had a crush on him back in the day, right?' Peter teased.

'Oh, shush.' Aunt May swatted Peter on the arm. 'Don't be so cheeky, you.'

Peter just chuckled kind-heartedly as he knocked on the door to the Mansion. After a short wait, Jarvis, the Avengers' loyal butler, opened the door.

'Hey there, Jarv.' Peter shook the butler's hand with a friendly smile. 'I believe we're expected.'

'Ah, yes.' Jarvis nodded. 'Masters Stark and Rogers are waiting in the sitting room. If you will follow me?'

Peter beckoned Mary Jane and Aunt May to follow.

Mary Jane looked around at the various pictures on the walls. There were pictures of various incarnations of the Avengers as well as pictures of individual members. One picture in particular caught her attention. It was a picture of the very first team: Thor, Ant-Man, the Wasp, Iron Man in his clunky gold armour, and the Incredible Hulk.

'Hunh. I still can't get over the fact that the Hulk used to be an Avenger.' Mary Jane chuckled. 'And get a load of Iron Man's old armour. It looks like he's wearing a car or something.'

'The guy's changed his armour more times than I've had clones.' Peter quipped.

'You're one to talk, Peter.' Aunt May pointed out. 'Or should I remind you of the many times you have changed your costume?'

'_Uniform_, not costume.' Peter responded. 'We call it a uniform.'

'Whatever you call it, you still look super sexy in it, Tiger.' Mary Jane giggled. 'There's just one thing that I have to ask...'

Peter looked at his wife warily. He was partly dreading the question.

'Do you even _wear_ underwear under that thing?' Mary Jane asked. 'Because, I've never actually _seen_ a visible panty line.'

'No comment.' Peter answered quickly.

'Omigosh!' Mary Jane laughed out loud. 'Spider-Man goes commando! I can't believe it! Just wait until I tell everybody!'

'Just think yourself lucky that I'm not Wolverine.' Peter pointed out. 'The thought of _him_ going commando...'

'Oh, great.' Mary Jane stuck her tongue out in disgust. 'Thanks for giving me that mental image. I'll be having nightmares for a month now.'

* * *

**The sitting room-**

The Parkers were now gathered in the sitting room with Iron Man and Captain America.

'Well, it is certainly a pleasure to have you here, Peter.' Tony said as he shook everybody's hands. 'It's about time you joined up officially, huh?'

'I had to think of my family first.' Peter replied. 'I figured that we would be far safer if we moved in with you guys. Jen is already our bodyguard, so we figured moving in here would be even better.'

'I will be more than happy to show you all around the mansion.' Cap piped up. 'I'll ask the others to take up your cases as well, if you want.'

'Heh. We've got the Avengers working for us, Peter.' Mary Jane whispered. 'I wonder if Cap could iron our clothes?'

'I guess there's no harm in asking.' Peter shrugged. 'But you have to ask him. There's no way that I'm going to ask the Sentinel of Liberty to do our chores.'

Cap turned to Aunt May and kissed her hand.

'And Aunt May, Peter has told me so much about you.'

Aunt May put her hand to her mouth to stifle a girlish giggle. She was in heaven. She had never dreamt that she would ever meet Captain America in person.

'Oh my... I never thought that I'd meet a living legend such as you, Captain.' Aunt May tried to restrain a girlish giggle. 'I can barely believe it now.'

'It's my pleasure, believe me.' Cap smiled. 'I never get tired of meeting my admirers.'

'Just try to keep yourself from leaping at his feet and squealing like a schoolgirl, okay?' Peter teased.

'Oh Peter Parker, you shush.' Aunt May tutted.

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

Somewhere in the Caribbean, a gentleman was reading a newspaper. The headline read 'Billionaire Philanthropist Dead'. It was announcing the death of Norman Osborn **(2).**

'Well, well, well...' The mysterious man tutted. 'It looks like dear old Norman has gotten himself killed again. he was always careless like that.'

The mysterious figure beckoned to his butler.

'Jeeves, prepare my equipment. I think it is time that I made a come-back...'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Back From The Dead**

_Who is the mysterious newspaper reader? What does he want with Spider-Man? Those questions will have to wait for another time, as Spidey has other troubles to take care of. It looks like somebody has brought several of his Rogues back from the dead. Kraven the Hunter, the Green Goblin, and the Doppelganger are back. But who brought them back? I think you will find the answer quite... mysterious._

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_This little bit is based on X-Factor #3. Siryn was having a dirty dream, and was woken up by Jamie Madrox._

**(2)- **_Norman Osborn was killed by Gwen Stacy._


	14. Back From the Dead

**The Uncanny Spider-Man**

**Chapter 14: Back From the Dead**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Avengers Mansion-**

Peter Parker was presently dressed in his Spider-Man gear. he was having an impromptu training session with some of his fellow Avengers. He was joined by Black Cat, Squirrel Girl, and Wonder Man. Mary Jane was watching from the control room with Iron Man.

The training session was simple enough. All they had to do was cross from one side of the room to the other. Of course, there were a few obstacles thrown in to try and make the session more challenging. Giant robots, electro-nets, the usual stuff. Like I said, it was just a simple training session. Nothing too difficult.

Peter leapt through an electrified hoop and webbed a giant robot's optic sensors. Wonder Man then followed up with a super-strong punch to the robot's chest, smashing a hole in it.

Peter then dove under another robot's feet and webbed it to the floor. the robot struggled to free itself, but only ended up falling forwards. Black Cat saw that as her moment to move and leapt onto the subdued robot's head. She then slashed at it with the razor-sharp claws attached to her gloves.

Peter was about to swing over to the far side of the room where the button for the shut-down mechanism was. He leapt down on the ground to prepare for another jump, but was met by an angry squeak and a sharp pain in his ankle. There was a small grey squirrel attached to his ankle by its teeth.

'Tippy-Toe!' Squirrel Girl squeaked. 'Are you okay?'

'What about me?' Peter frowned under his mask. 'That thing just bit me!'

'Tippy-Toe is not a... _thing._' Squirrel Girl slammed her hand on the shut-down button. She quickly scooped up her rodent friend and cradled her in her arms. 'Tippy-Toe is my closest friend.'

'Well, I sure hope that your closest friend isn't infected with anything.' Peter sniffed as he rubbed his ankle.

'How can you say such a thing?' Squirrel Girl glowered. 'Tippy-Toe is clean. A lot cleaner than some people I know.'

'Well, if I end up growing a giant fluffy tail and start to crave nuts, you'll hear form my lawyer.' Peter groused.

'And I thought you would be nice, Spider-Man...' Squirrel Girl turned her back and walked away. 'You're nothing but a big meanie.'

Peter's mouth hung open.

'But...'

Peter turned to Black Cat and Wonder Man. His fellow Avengers weren't even bothering to hide their laughter.

'Does this bite look infected?' Peter groaned as he removed his boot to inspect his wound. 'C'mon, be truthful.'

'I hope you're prepared for winter, buddy.' Wonder Man smirked. 'Better start hoarding your nuts.'

Peter looked towards the control room for some reassurance from his wife.

'MJ, the Avengers are teasing me!' Peter whined. 'Tell them to stop!'

'Keep me out of this, Peter.' Mary Jane held her hands up in defence. 'Although, I am kinda particular to the fuzzy tail. It'll give me something to snuggle up to.'

'What? And my studly bod isn't snugly enough already?' Peter tutted. 'You, Mary Jane Watson, are snuggle-mad!'

'Okay, just a little too much information there, thank you.' Black Cat stuck her tongue out with a wince. 'Although I'd have to agree with the snuggly bit.'

'Et tu, Felicia?' Peter mock sulked as he limped away. 'I don't need this junk. I'm going out...'

* * *

**Later-**

Peter was now swinging across the Manhattan skyline. He really shouldn't have worried so much about that tiny little squirrel bite on his ankle. Sure, it still stung a little and was slightly swollen, but he'd had worse.

Peter was so hung up with his squirrel-related injuries, that he almost didn't notice his Spider-Sense alerting him to danger.

'Well, at least I have an opportunity to work off some pent-up anger.' Peter muttered to himself as he swung down towards the sound of a woman screaming.

Unfortunately, Peter had arrived to late to avert a mugging. Somebody had already beaten him to it. A certain muscular and symbiote-wearing somebody.

'As if my day couldn't get any worse...' Peter sighed as he perched on the side of the alley. 'What brings you to Manhattan, Brock? I thought that you'd crawled under your rock indefinitely.'

'We are here for the same reason you are, Parker.' The sometimes-villain known as Venom retorted. 'This scumbag was trying to steal this woman's purse. We are fighting the good fight now, remember?'

'Yeah, don't remind me.' Peter rubbed the bridge of his nose with an exasperated sigh.

'And besides...' Venom continued. 'We wanted to say goodbye before we leave. We're getting fed up of New York. Too many bad memories. We were thinking of going somewhere like... Oh we don't know... Cleveland?'

Peter wasn't listening. He was too concerned with the squirrel bite he had received earlier.

'What's the matter, Parker?' Venom smirked. 'Baby keeping you awake?'

Peter momentarily forgot that he was talking to one of his most deadly enemies.

'To tell you the truth, I was bitten by a squirrel earlier... Wait. Why am I even _telling_ you this? How do you even _know_ that I have a kid?'

'News gets around.' Venom shrugged. 'Besides, we frequent a bar that She-Hulk has been known to visit. And you know how much she likes to talk...'

'Well, that's just peachy.' Peter sighed. 'Just... make sure the guy gets taken in by the authorities, okay? I have to get back home.'

'We were going to eat his brains.' Venom grinned, holding up the unconscious thug upside down by one leg.

'_Please_ tell me that was a joke...' Peter groaned. 'I _really_ don't need to add one of our infamous brawls to my agenda today.'

'Of course we were joking, Parker.' Venom grinned innocently. 'Why, did you think that we would even dare to eat him? Muggers give us gas.'

Peter just shook his head and swung away. Perhaps the miscellaneous evil-doers that frequented Manhattan would have the common decency to stay in for the rest of the day. Yeah, fat chance.

* * *

**Later still-**

Peter had almost arrived home at the Avengers Mansion when his Spider-Sense started to go nuts.

Peter barely reacted in enough time to dodge a pumpkin bomb that somebody threw at him.

'What the...?'

Peter looked upwards to see an all-too familiar figure flying above his head atop a bat-shaped glider. It was a figure that Peter hoped that he would never have to see again.

'Dammit, Norman!' Peter hissed as he set off in pursuit of the Green Goblin. 'Why don't you _stay_ dead?'

'Who said that I was Norman Osborn, Petey-O?' The Green Goblin smirked under his mask.

Peter's eyes widened in shock. He knew that voice! It was Harry Osborn. But... Harry was supposed to be dead. He died from an overdose of the Goblin Formula! Didn't he?

Peter was so caught up in the sudden return of his formerly dead best friend, that he didn't notice the hunting spear flying through the air until it was too late. The spear cut straight through Peter's webline, making him plummet down towards the ground.

Peter reached out and tried desperately to shoot out another webline. Peter's web-shooters just gurgled in protest. He was out of web-fluid!

Fortunately, Peter was soon saved from being splattered across the sidewalk. Unfortunately, he was saved by a robotic tentacle that was presently wrapped around his neck.

'Hey, nice to see you, Otto...' Peter croaked as he struggled to get free. 'But couldn't our enmity wait for now? I'm kind of in a pickle.'

'What makes you think that I want to save you, Spider-Man?' Dr Octopus sneered as he dangled Peter over the edge of the roof he was presently perched upon. 'Has it struck your tiny little arachnid mind that I may be _working _with these people?'

'To tell you the truth, I was kind of hoping that you weren't.' Peter commented. 'So, what is this? You reforming the Sinister Six?'

'Oh no, it's nothing as paltry as that...' A voice seemed to speak from thin air. 'They are all working for me...'

Peter struggled to look around him as mist began to swirl around.

'Oh God.' Peter groaned as he realised who tended to appear in swirl of smoke and mist. 'Not this. Not now...'

'What? Aren't you glad to see and old enemy?' The mystery figure chuckled. 'Aren't you glad to see that I'm not dead?'

Peter could barely believe his eyes. First, Harry Osborn comes back from the dead, as the Green Goblin no less. Then Kraven the Hunter cuts his webline. Kraven looked pretty well for a guy that blew his brains out with a hunting rifle as well. And now, Mysterio was screwing with his head.

'Okay Berkhart, what is it this time?' **(1)** Peter sighed in exasperation. 'Can you at least make it quick? I really have to be someplace else...'

'Oh, I'm afraid that Daniel Berkhart can't be with us right now.' Mysterio chuckled evilly. 'I'm afraid that he had to take a trip... down a rather long flight of stairs.'

Peter's eyes widened in surprise under his mask.

'No. Not...'

'Oh yes...' Mysterio nodded. 'Quentin Beck is alive and well. Which is more than I can say about you, Spider-Man.'

Mysterio then sprayed some knockout gas in Peter's face, subduing him enough to carry away.

Mysterio rubbed his hands in glee.

'Now it's time for the real fun to begin...'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Mysterio Returns!**

_Will Spidey be able to escape from Mysterio's clutches? Has Ol' Goldfish-Head _really_ resurrected Harry and Kraven? Wasn't Mysterio dead anyway? To find out the answers to these questions, tune in next time. Same Spidey-Time! Same Spidey-Channel! Excelsior!_

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_Daniel Berkhart took over the role of Mysterio after Quentin Beck '_died_' in Daredevil #7._


	15. Mysterio Returns!

**The Uncanny Spider-Man**

**Chapter 15: Mysterio Returns!**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**R-Man's Random Fact- **_Mary Jane is a big basketball fan._

* * *

**Somewhere in New York-**

Spider-Man regained consciousness with a groan.

'Aww, man. What happened?' The web-slinger groaned as he rubbed his temple.

Peter looked around at his surroundings, or the lack thereof. There was nothing around him but darkness.

'Well, you've got yourself into one dilly of a pickle, Peter old chap.' Peter muttered to himself as he tried to find a way out. 'Typical Parker luck, I guess. As soon as something good happens, like Baby May being born, something really crappy follows soon after. Why don't my bad guys just stay dead? I thought the whole coming-back-from-the-dead thing was only for the X-Men.'

'Still tend to babble a lot, eh Petey-O?' An all too familiar voice chuckled evilly from the darkness. 'You always did that when you were nervous. God knows why MJ and Gwen liked you so much.'

'What are you doing here, Harry?' Peter asked. 'Why are you working for Mysterio? I thought we fixed everything before you...'

'Before I died?' Harry Osborn finished for him. 'Meh, perhaps so. But being evil is just so much fun.'

Peter put his hands over his ears and shook his head.

'This isn't happening...' Peter shook his head. 'This is just a side-effect from Mysterio's gas. You're not real...'

'Is that so?' Harry smirked as he pulled out a pumpkin bomb from his carry pouch. 'If I'm not real, then this pumpkin bomb shouldn't blow you to bits...'

Peter's Spider-Sense warned him just in time and he easily avoided the explosive device that had just been thrown at him.

'Aww, spoil my fun.' Harry sulked. 'You were always like that, Peter. My father respected you more than he did his own son! Then there was your unbelievable luck with the women! What was up with that? I was the rich, good-looking one! I should have got all the women! Not some gangly nerd in brightly-coloured long johns!'

Peter still wasn't listening.

'This is some sweet get-up you've got here, Beck...' Peter called out. 'But a little unoriginal, don't you think? Try to make Spidey go insane. Please! It never worked before, and it sure as hell isn't going to work now!'

'Oh, don't be such a spoilsport, Spider-Man.' Mysterio's voice chuckled from the darkness. 'I thought you liked a good jape or practical joke?'

'Only when they're funny, jackass!' Peter retorted. 'Now, let me out of here and I'll only beat you up a little bit!'

'I am afraid that I cannot allow you to do that, Spider-Man.' A heavily-accented Russian voice announced from the darkness. 'It is because of you that I died, and I want my revenge!'

'Hey, don't forget me!' Harry added. 'If it hadn't been for you, I would still be normal, and not this psycho nut job that I am now!'

'If anybody has beef with Peter, then it should be me...'

Peter shook his head in disbelief. he didn't want to believe that this was real. If this was one of Mysterio's illusions, he would pay with his blood! And Peter was very sure that it was a fake.

'What, don't you have a hug for your old dead uncle?' Uncle Ben smirked as he held out his arms wide for a hug. 'It's the least you could do after getting me killed. 'If you weren't so arrogant, you could have stopped that burglar and I'd still be alive!'

'Oh, no. _Hell no_. This is low even for you, Beck...' Peter shook with anger, clenching his gloved fists. 'I'll make you regret that you ever messed with me!'

'Oh, I don't think so, Wall-Crawler.' Mysterio remarked. 'You'll have to find me first!'

Peter spun around as spotlights highlighted two more figures. Alongside Harry, uncle Ben, and Kraven were Captain Stacy and Gwen.

'To think I once thought of you as a prospective son-in-law.' Captain Stacy tutted. 'I must have been insane to let a person like you near my little Gwendy.'

'And look where it got me...' Gwen shook her head in shame. 'I'm dead, just like everybody you've crossed paths with. But most of all I pity that poor little unborn baby of yours that you lost.'

That was the final straw! Losing his unborn daughter was one of the most painful moments in Peter's life. Mysterio was in for a world of hurt after binging that up!

Peter lashed out with a fierce yell, smashing his hand through 'Gwen'. Fortunately, this wasn't the real Gwen Stacy, she was still in SHIELD custody after her stint as Scourge of the Underworld. This Gwen was nothing but a robot copy.

Captain Stacy and the others tried to attack, but ended up getting smashed for their troubles.

'_MYSTERIO!_' Peter bellowed with rage. 'I'm coming for you!'

Peter leapt up through the wrecked robots and swung up towards a control room in which Mysterio stood.

Mysterio shielded his face as Peter smashed through the control room window.

'You've got some nerve...' Peter snarled angrily as he webbed Mysterio to the spot. 'Where do you get off messing with my head like that? Do you get some kind of sick thrill out of screwing with other people's heads?'

'One must make entertainment whenever possible.' Mysterio pointed out. 'It's not my fault that you don't share my sense of humour, Peter.'

Peter lashed out with a vicious punch, nailing Mysterio right in his goldfish bowl, smashing a great big hole in it.

'Give me one reason why I shouldn't beat you to a bloody pulp.' Peter demanded.

'Because I do believe that we have company...' Mysterio pointed upwards to where several beams of light shone through the windows accompanied by the tell-tale sound of an Quinjet landing outside. 'It's the Avengers, Peter. I hope that you don't want them to witness you breaking the most important rule of being a superhero, do you?'

Peter snarled angrily under his mask. he was sorely tempted to crush Mysterio's neck right there and then, but he just settled for smashing Mysterio's head through the wall.

* * *

**Avengers Mansion-**

Peter was back in Avengers Mansion now. He was dressed in his civvies.

'I don't understand how Mysterio was able to know all of that stuff about you, Peter.' Mary Jane exclaimed.

'Cap found out that he bought it off some rogue SHIELD agents.' Peter explained. 'Why they didn't sell the info to somebody like HYDRA or whatever, I'll never know.'

'We can think ourselves lucky that it was only Mysterio.' Mary Jane put a comforting hand on her husband's shoulder.

'Yeah, I guess...' Peter sighed heavily. 'It's just... he knew everything, MJ. About Gwen, about... the baby.'

'But Mysterio is safe in jail now, right?' Mary Jane replied. 'We won't be seeing him any time soon. And it's not like we can get Wanda to make him forget all the stuff he found out about you.'

'Yeah.' Peter nodded. 'Because that we be wrong. We're not the Justice League.'

'Who?' Mary Jane asked.

'Never mind.' Peter smiled innocently.

Peter walked over to the crib where Baby May was sleeping peacefully.

Mary Jane peeked over her husband's shoulder and smiled happily.

'Doesn't she looks so peaceful? Not a care in the world.'

'I wish life was that easy...' Peter sighed solemnly as he gently stroked his daughter's forehead. 'Sometimes I wonder whether I'll be a good father to our daughter.'

'Don't you be like that, Peter Benjamin Parker.' Mary Jane poked her maudlin husband in the ribs. 'I know that you will be a great father for May! Now, why don't you turn that frown upside down? Life isn't all doom and gloom, you know. What do you say we head on downstairs? I hear that Tony and Carol are trying to get a game of Monopoly started.'

'Ah...' Peter smiled slightly. 'Nothing makes a guy feel better than a game of capitalist superiority.'

'Just promise me that you won't do the dance.' Mary Jane winced.

Peter just stuck his tongue out in response.

'I promise nothing.'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Mr Parker Goes to London**

_After busting up a gang of international gun-runners, Spidey follows their trail on to London. Just what is the Kingpin doing in England? Guest-starring: Excalibur!_


	16. Mr Parker Goes To London: Part 1

**The Uncanny Spider-Man**

**Chapter 16: Mr Parker Goes To London- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**New Jersey Docks-**

It was a quiet night in New Jersey. Most of the people that lived in the suburb of New York were happily tucked in their beds. But it was a different story on the city's docks. Several men were unloading an unmarked freighter. They were unloading great big crates with forklifts and cranes.

Amongst the miscellaneous workers were Fancy Dan, Montana, and Ox, collectively known as the Enforcers. Fancy Dan was a little short guy who was a master of martial arts. Montana was dressed in a neat dark suit with a bolo tie and cowboy hat. His weapon of choice was a bullwhip attached to his belt. Ox was what you would expect from a man with the name of a big dumb animal. Ox was a muscle-bound brute that preferred to use his fists instead of his head. The trio were making sure that nothing went wrong with the shipment.

'Well, everything seems to be going to plan.' Fancy Dan smirked triumphantly as he looked at his watch. 'And not one sign of that dumb Wall-Crawle...'

Montana clamped his hand over his buddy's mouth.

'Dan, shut up!' The whip-toting Texan hissed. 'You wanna curse us or somethin'? You know that as soon as you say that, we're gonna end up gettin' caught!'

'Oh, don't be such a jackass, Montana.' Fancy Dan rolled his eyes. 'You guys wait here and keep an eye on things. I'm going for a smoke.'

Montana muttered to himself as the well-dressed Enforcer walked off to have a cigarette.

Fancy Dan reached into his pocket and took out an ornately-patterned cigarette case. Then he rustled about for a box of matches. He took a cigarette and put it in his mouth.

'Where'd I put those matches?' Dan muttered to himself, patting his jacket and pants.

'Give you a light, buddy?' A voice offered.

Fancy Dan looked up to try and see who was talking to him. His eyes widened in surprise and fear as he saw a red-and-blue figure peering down at him. Fancy Dan was quivering so much that the cigarette fell out of his mouth.

'Y-y-you...'

'I'm glad to see that you remember me, Dan-o.' Spider-Man chuckled as he grabbed the Enforcer with a webline and pulled him up to his own eye-level. 'Now, why don't you do me a favour and tell me what you've got in those creates that's so important? What's Fisk up to nowadays? When I heard that he had been let out for good behaviour, I knew that he'd be up to some kind of nefarious scheme.'

'I'm not telling you anything, Wall-Crawler!' Fancy Dan sneered.

Spidey pulled the Enforcer close.

'How about we try that again? Or will I have to get nasty?'

'Y-you wouldn't d-dare...' Fancy Dan stammered. 'Y-you're a hero. Y-you don't do stuff like that.'

Spidey pulled Fancy Dan even closer. Their faces were practically touching.

'Wanna bet?'

* * *

**A short while later-**

Montana and Ox were still overseeing the unloading of the unmarked ship. Thankfully, everything had gone off without a hitch. Or so it seemed.

'Hey, where'd Fancy Dan get to?' Ox frowned as he looked around for the well-dressed Enforcer.

'Like I care.' Montana shrugged. 'The dude most probably fell in the water an' drowned himself.'

Ox's eyes widened in surprise.

'Ya don't think...?'

'Don't be such a baby.' Montana rolled his eyes as he swatted the muscular Enforcer on the arm. 'If Dan did end up in the drink, at least we get a bigger share of the cash.'

'Whatever happened to honour amongst thieves?' An all-too familiar voice quipped.

'Ahh! It's Spider-Man!' Ox yelled. 'I don't wanna go back into jail! I won't go back into the dark place! I won't let you!'

Ox charged at the crate that Spider-Man was crouched upon. Thankfully, Spidey was too fast and safely jumped out of the way, while Ox crashed through the crate and fell over the edge of the pier into the water.

'Man, just when I think that I only end up fighting lame guys.' Spidey tutted. 'Oh wait. That isn't right. You guys are the lamest of the lame! Heck, even the Shocker has more street-cred than you!'

'Oh yeah, you keep on jokin', Wall-Crawler.' Montana sneered as he reached for his bullwhip. 'You won't be laughin' so much when I'm finished with ya!'

'Bored now.' Spidey sighed as he wrapped a webline around the whip-toting Texan's legs. Montana yelped in surprise as he was yanked off his feet.

'You ain't heard the last of the Enforcers!' Montana yelled as he struggled to get free. 'We'll get even! You'll pay! Oh, don't you think that ya'll won't pay!'

'Do us all a favour and use your inside voice, okay?' Spidey requested as he webbed up Montana's mouth. 'There, all better. Now to see what all the fuss was about.'

Spidey hopped over to one of the crates that Ox had smashed open when he charged through it. Amongst all of the shattered wood was a load of hi-tech looking weaponry.

'My, my. You boys have been very, very naughty.' Spidey tutted as he inspected the crate's contents. 'I didn't know that Fisk was back in the weapons dealing business.'

Spidey picked up a chunk of wood that had the ship's point of origin stamped upon it.

'London, eh? It looks like Fisk has got himself a hidey-hole in fair old Blighty. I'd better call ol' Shell-head. I need the services of a Quinjet.'

* * *

**The next day-**

Spidey was now onboard one of the Avengers' many Quinjets.

'I can't tell you how grateful I am for this, Shell-Head.' Spidey thanked his friend and teammate. 'I woulda paid for a ticket to London myself, but you know how it is. Raising a kid isn't exactly cheap.'

'I don't have any kids, Spidey.' Iron Man pointed out.

'Oh, I'm _sure_ you don't.' Spidey smirked cheekily underneath his mask. 'With all those hot women you've had a one night stand with? There has to be some unexpected kiddies involved.'

Iron Man frowned underneath his armoured helmet.

'My social life isn't what's important right now. Are you sure you don't want any help with this? Wilson Fisk isn't exactly a pushover.'

'Oh, please.' Spidey snorted. 'I've been fighting Fatty-Fat-Fat almost since day one. He's one of my Rogues. As much as Daredevil would say otherwise, Chunky has always been one of mine.'

'Well, if you need any help, just give us a call.' Iron Man explained. 'You're one of the Avengers now, and we look after our own.'

'Thanks a load, Shell-Head.' Spidey patted the armoured Avenger on the shoulder. 'I really appreciate that. Although, I kinda doubt that I'll need your help. Just how difficult could it be to take down Fisk?'

* * *

**London-**

It was early in the morning in England's capital city. Whereas most normal people were tucked up safe in bed, evil-doing were afoot in the Docklands. Workers were loading up crates onto an unmarked ship.

'C'mon, get a bloody move on, you blokes!' The foreman ordered. 'We're already behind schedule, an' you all know how much the boss hates it when we're late!'

'And I think you're about to get a little later.' A voice quipped from the darkness.

'What the bloody 'ell?' The foreman exclaimed in surprise. 'We got visitors! Gun 'em!'

Several workers pulled out guns from their jackets and opened fire. Then one-by-one, their guns began to explode in a burst of flame.

'Ahh! Sod it!'

'Bollocks!'

'What the bloody 'ell's going on 'ere?'

'That would be us.' The blonde empath known as Meggan explained as she stepped out of the shadows with the rest of her teammates around her. 'For those of you that don't know us, we're Excalibur. And we're about to take you down.'

'Piss off, Blondie.' The foreman sneered. 'We don't need no heroes here! Just run along an' get back to the cookin', like a proper woman.'

'Well, that wasn't very nice.' The muscular mutant known as Strong Guy shook his head. 'And here I was thinking that we were living in enlightened times.'

'I say we show this idiot the error of his ways.' The former Morlock known as Marrow smirked, passing a bone dagger from hand-to-hand.

'I think I've got dibs.' Madrox the Multiple Man pointed out. 'After all, Amora took out these guy's guns.'

'By all means Jamie, go ahead.' Meggan nodded.

'Wait...' Marrow held up her hand for silence. 'I don't think were alone...'

Marrow threw her bone dagger over her shoulder. That was followed by a yell of pain, and the sound of something crashing into a pile of stacked pallets.

'Ow! Dammit! I mean... ow! Who throws a bone now, really?'

Meggan looked at the red-and-blue figure sprawled on the stack of pallets. Her eyes widened in surprise when she realised who it was.

'Spider-Man! What're you doing here?'

'Bleeding, by the looks of it...' Spidey answered, as he got off the stack of pallets with a grunt. 'Bad guys getting away, by the way...'

'I've got him!' Madrox exclaimed as he picked up a crowbar that one of the workers had dropped. This was then thrown as the receding form of the foreman, hitting him on the back of the head.

'Aww, yeah! ten points!' Madrox crowed, punching the air.

Amora, meanwhile was fussing over Spider-Man.

'Here, let me take care of that for you...' The former Asgardian Enchantress offered. 'I can heal that for you...'

'No, it's okay...' Spidey pulled his arm away. 'It's okay. It's only a flesh wound.'

'Not that we're unhappy to see you here Spider-Man, but... why exactly are you here?' Meggan asked. 'You're not exactly native to Britain.'

'I busted up a gun-running ring over in New Jersey.' Spidey explained. 'i followed them all the way here to London. Wilson Fisk is out of jail and catching up on lost time.'

'I knew this whole thing smelt rotten.' Meggan frowned. 'There's been a rise in organised crime recently. Now we know who's behind it all.'

'So, what do we do now?' Strong Guy asked. 'We gonna team up, or what?'

'Sounds good to me.' Spidey shrugged. 'Just as long as I don't get any bones thrown at me again.'

'Geez.' Marrow rolled her eyes. 'Make one mistake and you end up paying for it the rest of your life.'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Mr Parker Goes To London- Part 2**

_Spidey and Excalibur go on the hunt for the Kingpin of Crime._


	17. Mr Parker Goes To London: Part 2

**The Uncanny Spider-Man**

**Chapter 17: Mr Parker Goes To London: Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**London-**

Spider-Man was sitting onboard the Midnight Runner, Excalibur's hi-tech jet. The little misunderstanding at the docks earlier was sorted out, and the Wall-Crawler was more than happy to tag along with the British super team. They had a mutual enemy in the Kingpin, and they would get the whole mess fixed quicker if they worked together.

Spidey spun around in his seat as he looked at all of the hi-tech doo-dads and thingamy-bobs.

'Jeepers. This thing makes the Quinjet look like a hunk of crap.' Spidey gazed in wonder. 'I bet it even...'

Spidey reached out to pull open a little drawer.

'Oh, _yes!_ Cup-holders! You guys are the best ever!'

'Somebody _really_ needs to get out more.' Madrox leant over the seat and whispered to Strong Guy.

'So, we got a plan or what?' Marrow piped up. 'This Kingpin guy is supposed to be some kind of badass, right?'

Meggan turned around to regard the former Morlock with a slight frown.

'Weren't you paying attention in the mission briefing?' Meggan asked. 'I explained everything.'

Marrow scratched the back of her head in confusion.

'We have mission briefings now?'

Meggan rubbed the bridge of her nose with a heavy sigh.

'Am I the only one that actually makes any effort to research the villains that we fight?'

'Pretty much.' Strong Guy nodded. 'Usually we just blunder in to a fight and kick some butt. It's served us well in the past.'

Meggan shook her head and turned her attention back to flying the Midnight Runner.

Amora leant over the co-pilot's seat to regard Spidey.

'I really wish that you'll let me see to your wound.' The former Asgardian offered. 'Your movements may be hampered after Sarah accidentally stabbed you.'

'I'm cool, really.' Spidey reassured her. 'I heal quickly. Okay, not as quickly as Wolverine, but not all of us have fancy-schmancy mutant healing factors, bub.'

'Hey, Amora...' Madrox leant over the seat with a cheeky grin. 'You sure that you should be doing that? Don'cha think that Forge'll get jealous if he finds out that you're hitting on other guys?'

'I am _not_ hitting on Spider-Man.' Amora shot Madrox a dirty glare. 'I am merely offering my assistance.'

'_Suuuure_ you are...' Madrox continued to smirk.

Amora sat back down without another word. Perhaps she'd put a nasty enchantment on him later. Maybe something that made parts fall off...

* * *

**Later-**

Wilson Fisk was sitting in his penthouse office atop one of London's tallest buildings, one that looked over the whole city. You could even see Tower Bridge from the penthouse. The whole room was surrounded by a wall of bullet-proof glass that made sure that nobody could force their way in.

Fisk frowned to himself as a lackey handed him a list of profits.

'Oh no, this will not do at all.' Fisk shook his head. 'This will not do at all. Profits are down thanks to that accursed Spider-Man and the rest of his heroic ilk!'

The lackey flinched away in fear, anticipating imminent admonishment from the colossal crimelord.

'It looks like I'll have to employ some extra help in this matter...'

The lackey looked up at Fisk, his face suddenly pale.

'You don't mean... Not... _him!_'

'Oh, yes.' Fisk smiled evilly. '**_HIM!_**'

* * *

**The Slaughtered Lamb-**

The Slaughtered Lamb was one of London's most notorious public houses. It was well known as a hideaway for the city's less savoury inhabitants.

One such inhabitant was Johnny Swindle. Johnny had a rap sheet a mile long. He had dropped out of school at a young age and had been in and out of prison since then. Johnny mostly dealt with stolen goods and the sale of information.

Johnny staggered out of his local pub, a little worse for wear after drinking a few too many beers. Johnny propped himself up against a wall and rustled haphazardly in his pocket for a cigarette. All he found was an empty packet.

'Bollocks.' Johnny hissed drunkenly as he dug his hands back into his pockets to find some spare change for the cigarette machine. No such luck. 'Great bloody night this is turnin' out to be...'

'Well, you know what people say, things can only get better.'

Johnny jumped at the sudden voice and lost his footing on the pavement, falling into the gutter.

The sound of gloved hands applauding came form the shadows.

'Oh yeah. _Real_ classy, buddy.' The mystery voice taunted. 'The Royal Ballet won't be missing you.'

'Piss off!' Johnny spat out in response. 'You come any closer, and I'll kick yer bloody bollocks in!'

'Wow. You Brits sure do have a wonderful way with words.' Spider-Man quipped as he moved into the light, hanging upside down from the nearest lamppost. 'Shakespeare, eat your heart out!'

'What the bloody 'ell?' Johnny shook his head, as if he were seeing a mirage. 'What's Spider-Man doin' 'ere? He's a bloody Yank superhero!'

'Oh, I'm just going out on my first world tour.' Spidey quipped. 'And I heard you're good at tours.'

Johnny went to get his knife from his jacket, but ended up having his hand pinned to the wall by a well-aimed bone dagger.

'You call _that _a knife?' Marrow smirked as she walked out of the shadows with the rest of Excalibur behind her. The former Morlock reached behind her back and pulled out an even bigger bone knife.

'_This_ is a knife!'

Johnny whimpered in fear as Marrow held the bone knife to his throat.

'Now, are you gonna tell us where the Kingpin is holed up, or will I have to start cutting?'

'You... you wouldn't...' Johnny stammered nervously. 'You wouldn't kill me... You blokes are heroes. You don't kill. It ain't allowed.'

'I'm sure we can afford to be lenient in this case...' Meggan added as she knelt down beside Johnny and gazed at him with a terrifying piercing stare.

That was all it took. Johnny blabbed all of the information that Excalibur needed.

One everybody had the information they needed, Spidey strung Johnny up with some webbing attached to a lamppost.

'You're gonna let me go soon, ain't ya...?' Johnny whimpered as he hung upside down, gently swaying in the night breeze. 'Right...?'

Spidey and the others didn't reply as they slunk back into the shadows.

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

A white gloved hand picked up a ringing cell phone and spoke into it.

'Oh, hey... I haven't heard from you for ages. Oh no, I'm not particularly busy. Just hanging out in jolly old England...'

There was the sound of a sickening crack as a body fell to the floor.

'What was that? Oh, nothing much. Just having a little fun. I take it you've got a little pest control problem. Yeah, of course. That's why you're talking to me. Usual fee? Great. See you soon.'

The cell phone was switched off and put back into a pocket.

A random scumbag struggled up from the ground. He didn't last very long, as he was put back down by a playing card embedded in his throat.

A white target glinted in the darkness.

'Bullseye!'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Mr Parker Goes To London- Part 3**

_Spidey and Excalibur take on the Kingpin and his hired help._


	18. MJ's Interlude

**The Uncanny Spider-Man**

**Chapter 18: MJ's Interlude**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_'I am gonna ask you questions. And every time you don't give me answers, I'm gonna cut something off. And I promise you, they will be things you will miss.'-_**The Bride (Kill Bill)**

* * *

**Avengers Mansion-**

Mary Jane Watson-Parker was knelt beside a baby changing mat that was laid out on the floor beside her bed. She was changing Little May.

'There, all done.' MJ smiled triumphantly as she held up her newly-changed daughter. 'Don't you feel just snuggly warm and soft?'

'Thbbpt.' Little May exclaimed, blowing a spit bubble.

'Now, that is just disgusting.' Mary Jane tutted as she grabbed a tissue and wiped her daughter's mouth. 'How about we go say hello to Uncle Cap and everybody else, huh?'

'Glurffleblub.' Little May gurgled in glee as Mary Jane picked her up.

'That's what I thought.' Mary Jane smiled as she carried her baby daughter out of the bedroom and headed downstairs, where the rest of the Avengers would be waiting.

Mary Jane's husband, Peter, was off doing his superhero thing in London. That then gave Mary Jane a little time to hang out with her gal pals and do some sorely needed shopping. She and Felicia had been planning a big shopping trip for quite some time now, but having a baby nearly put a damper on any such plans. Mary Jane was sure that Aunt May would be more than happy to look after Little May.

Mary Jane smiled in greeting as she walked into the kitchen and saw Captain America talking to Aunt May and Jarvis, the Avengers' butler.

'Good morning, Mary Jane.' The Sentinel of Liberty nodded in greeting. 'You look well today.'

'Thanks, Cap.' Mary Jane smiled in response. 'You look handsome and studly, as always.'

'Edwin and I are almost ready to start serving breakfast, dear.' Aunt May told the redhead. 'I hope you like waffles.'

'You know I do, May.' Mary Jane grinned. 'Your waffles are the greatest! Your waffles bring all the Avengers to the yard. And you're like, these waffles are better than yours!'

'Flurbleglub.' Little May giggled as she tried to make a grab for Captain America's shield.

'Now, May...' Mary Jane admonished her young daughter. 'That shield isn't a toy. You don't know where it's been.'

'Upside the Red Skull's head, more often than not.' Cap pointed out with a slight chuckle.

'See what I mean?' Mary Jane asked her daughter. 'You don't want the icky taste of Nazi in your mouth, do you?'

Little May scrunched up her face in disgust.

'Thbbpt.'

* * *

**Later-**

Mary Jane was now out shopping with Felicia Hardy, aka the former cat burglar known as Black Cat. Aunt May was looking after Little May back in Avengers Mansion. Mary Jane couldn't have brought Little May along with her, carrying a baby would have hampered her ability to shop.

'Do you think we should go buy some new shoes?' Mary Jane thought out loud. 'Or do I have enough shoes already?'

'You can never have too many shoes, MJ.' Felicia advised her friend with a smirk. 'I say we go splurge!'

'Then splurge I shall.' Mary Jane matched her shopping companion's grin and headed straight for the nearest shoe store.

Unfortunately, the two women never got to buy themselves many more pretty things, as a nearby explosion knocked them to the floor. Felicia was the first one to her feet.

'MJ! Are you okay? MJ, talk to me!'

'Did anybody get the number of that truck?' Mary Jane mumbled as she fixed her hair. 'What the hell _was_ that anyway?'

Felicia looked in the direction of a guy dressed in a brown-and-yellow quilted suit.

'The Shocker happened.' The former cat burglar pointed out.

'Oh, he is going down...' Mary Jane growled as she got to her feet and picked up a string bag of oranges that she had dropped.

'MJ, be careful...' Felicia warned her.

'Don't worry...' Mary Jane reassured her friend with a quick grin. 'This won't take very long.'

Mary Jane spun the bag of oranges around her head as if it was a bola.

'Hey Shocker, heads up!'

The vibro-gauntlet-wearing villain spun around to look at the woman who had just shouted at him, and ended up getting knocked out with a bag of oranges to the face for his troubles.

'Yow! That was hardcore, MJ.' Felicia winced. 'Bit of a waste, though.'

'Yeah, I guess.' Mary Jane shrugged. 'I suppose I'll have to get more oranges, huh?'

* * *

**Back at Avengers Mansion-**

Mary Jane was now back at Avengers Mansion. She had unpacked all of the goodies that she had purchased and put them away in the closet. She was sitting on the couch, bouncing Little May on her knee.

'Oh, you should've been there!' Felicia laughed as she recounted Mary Jane's fabulous defeat of the Shocker. 'MJ was all _I'll bash you good_ and the Shocker was all, _oh noes!_'

'I didn't understand a single word you said there, Felicia.' Captain America shook his head.

'Having trouble keeping up with the young 'uns and their slammin' slang, eh Cap?' She-Hulk teased the Star-Spangled Avenger.

'Don't you have a Man-Wolf to go hit on?' Wanda asked the Jade Giantess.

'Et tu, Scarlet Witch?' She-Hulk sniffed as she got up off her seat and sauntered away. 'Buh-bye May. Buh-bye. Buh-bye!' She-Hulk cooed down at Little May as she walked past the baby.

'Glubba-flubba-ub.' Little May waved her pudgy little hands in the air.

'Aww, isn't she the cutest thing?' Wanda smiled at the little baby. 'I wish I had a baby.'

Captain America spat out his coffee in surprise. He then clutched his throat as he started to choke on the coffee.

'Steve, are you all right?' Wanda asked concernedly, patting her lover on the back.

'I don't think Cap's ready to have kids just yet, Wanda.' Felicia pointed out. 'He most probably wants to wait until after you guys get married.'

That made Cap spit his coffee out in surprise and srarted to cough again.

'Y'know, Cap...' Wonder Man snickered. 'I doubt Jarvis'll appreciate you spitting coffee all over his nice clean coffee table.'

'I'd like babies, too.' Felicia smirked as she gave her female friends a cheeky wink.

Wonder Man jumped up in surprise and fell over the back of his chair.

'Now, that was just cruel.' Mary Jane didn't even bother to hide her laughter. 'Cruel, but damn funny.'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Mr Parker Goes To London- Part 3**

_We return to London, where Spider-Man teams up with Excalibur to take on the Kingpin and Bullseye._


	19. Mr Parker Goes To London: Part 3

**The Uncanny Spider-Man**

**Chapter 19: Mr Parker Goes To London- Part 3**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_'I'm the best there is, the best there was, and the best there will ever be!'_

* * *

**London-**

Spider-Man and the representatives from Britain's very own superhero team known as Excalibur materialised on the roof of one of London's many skyscrapers.

'Oog... Now I remember why I don't like teleportation.' Spidey groaned and held his stomach as he tried to steady himself.

'I never knew you Americans could complain so much.' The blonde empathic metamorph known as Meggan sighed. 'Anyway, on to business...' The pointy-eared blonde turned to her teammates.

'Amora, could you cloak us with a spell, or something? There are bound to be security cameras and stuff all around this place. We don't want Fisk to spoil our surprise, do we?'

'Way ahead of you, Meggan.' The Asgardian enchantress nodded with a smile. She waved her hands and chanted in an odd language, pink sprakles covering the heroes. 'From now on, we will all be undetectable by technological means. The only way that Wilson Fisk will be able to see us is when he sees us with his own eyes. By that time it will be too late.'

'Excuse me for asking a stupid question...' Madrox piped up, holding up her hands. 'But how exactly will we get inside to find Fisk?'

Everybody winced as they heard the sound of a door being torn away from its moorings. Strong Guy was holding the roof access door in his hands.

'How else?' The super-strong mutant grinned proudly. 'We're gonna use the door.'

'I thought this was supposed to be a sneak attack.' The former Morlock known as Marrow stated. 'Fisk might not be able to see us, but he can still _hear_ us!'

Strong Guy hid the broken door behind his back, as if such an move would make everybody forget that he had just ruined their plans for a sneak attack.

'Umm... whoops?'

* * *

**Inside-**

Fortunately enough, Strong Guy having just torn a door off its hinges hadn't alerted any guards to Spidey and Excalibur's presence. The sextet of heroes carefully made their way through the building to where they hoped that Wilson Fisk had hidden himself.

'Not that I wanna jinx this or anything...' Spidey whispered to the group. 'But I have a bad feeling about this. It's too quiet.'

'What's the matter, Spidey?' Madrox smirked. 'You scared?'

'No.' Spidey shot back. 'I was just trying to think of my wife and child. They'd be pissed if I ended up getting taken out like a rookie.'

'You're _married?'_ Jamie blinked in surprise. 'I always thought you were gay!'

'The same thing could be said about us, Jamie.' Strong Guy pointed out. 'Didn't we always used to hang out back in the good old days of X-Factor?'

'You're not helping, Guido.' Madrox groaned.

'Why do we always have to fight on holiday?' Strong Guy teased in a mock camp voice.

'Will you guys keep it down already?' Meggan hissed at her bickering teammates. 'If Guido yanking the door off its hinges didn't blow our cover, your bloody bickering would have!'

'Sorry, ma'am.' Jamie mumbled, bowing his head.

'Won't happen again, ma'am.' Guido mumbled also.

'You guys all fill me with so much confidence.' Marrow grumbled. 'I can already tell that I'm going to enjoy this mission as much as I enjoyed the Christmas edition of Eastenders.'

'Will you _please_ be quiet?' Meggan tried to hush the former Morlock. 'Besides, everybody knows that the Christmas editions of Eastenders reached their peak when Dirty Den gave Angie those divorce papers.'

'I have no idea what you people are talking about.' Spidey frowned. 'Is this some British thing that we foolish Americans wouldn't understand?'

'Join the club, Spidey.' Madrox agreed. 'I've never liked Eastenders. I'm more of a Coronation Street man, myself.'

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

Wilson Fisk, aka the rotund Kingpin of Crime, strolled around his penthouse office without a care in the world. Fisk opened up his drinks cabinet and took out a bottle of expensive-looking Scotch.

_BAMF!_

The bald-headed villain smirked as he saw the reflection of Spider-Man and his friends teleporting behind him in the glass of his drinks cabinet.

'I knew it was only a matter of time before you found me, Spider-Man.' The criminal mastermind nodded in greeting as he poured himself a drink. 'May I interest you in some refreshments, or are we to get straight down to business?'

'I never drink when I'm on duty.' Spidey retorted, crossing his arms. 'Even if I did, I doubt that I'd drink with somebody like you.'

'Pity.' Fisk sniffed as he took a sip of his Scotch. 'It's quite a good vintage. Not easy to come by.'

'Okay, that's enough pleasantry...' Meggan pointed an accusatory finger at the Kingpin of crime. 'We're here to take you down!'

'I am afraid that I will have to disagree with you there...' Fisk shot back. 'You see, I have become quite fond of London, and I doubt that all of you will be able to make me leave.'

'Bring it, Captain Chunky!' Madrox challenged. 'We can take anything that you give us!'

'I was hoping you'd say that...' Fisk smiled as he pressed a button on the underside of his desk. Spidey and the representatives from Excalibur all turned to see a painting hanging on one of the walls, along with a portion of said wall, turn around to reveal an all too familiar black-and-white-clad figure.

'Long time no see, Spidey.' Bullseye saluted the Web-Slinger. 'I wish that I could say that it was a pleasure to see you again, but we'd both know that I was lying, wouldn't we?'

'Dude! Bullseye!' Strong Guy piped up. 'Say_ 'I want a bloody costume!' _Go on, it would be sweet!'

Bullseye blinked for a moment, before composing himself and getting down to the business at hand.

'This is where I kill you now.'

'No, I don't think so.' Amora shook her head. 'All of the paperclips and playing cards in the world cannot save you from the might of the Enchantress!'

Bullseye was about to grab a pencil up off the desk and throw it at the blonde sorceress, when magical energy shot out from his intended victim's hands. The psychotic assassin yelped in surprise as he felt himself shrink and start to grow fur all over his body.

'Oh, now that wasn't any fun at all!' Spidey tutted at the sight of Bunny Bullseye. 'What happened to the fight scene? I wanted a fight scene!'

'We still have Fisk to take care of.' Meggan reminded him. 'He's all yours.'

'It'll have to do, I suppose.' Spidey sniffed. 'Geez. People would think that this is _Uncanny Excalibur_, not _Uncanny Spider-Man..._'

* * *

**Later-**

The Kingpin had been webbed up and handed over to the authorities after a big fight. The enchantment that Amora had put on Bullseye would wear off in a few hours, so he was handed over to the police as well. Spider-Man was saying goodbye to Excalibur.

'Well, it's been fun teaming up with you guys.' The Wall-Crawler stated. Kinda surreal, but fun.'

'Story of our lives, I guess.' Meggan chuckled. 'You should have been here when my nutter of a brother-in-law turned the Tower of London into a bouncy castle.'

'Man, that was as much fun as and old-school Crossroads marathon.' Marrow rolled her eyes.

'Hey! Stop making fun of my favourite shows!' Meggan responded. 'There's nothing wrong with old-school Crossroads!'

'It's lame beyond the telling of it!' Marrow pointed out. 'How can you possibly enjoy crap like that?'

'I like Crossroads for its kitsch value.' Meggan sniffed defensively.

Amora chose to swiftly change the subject.

'May we offer you a lift home?' She offered. 'It would be no bother at all.'

'I'm in no hurry to leave just yet, thanks.' Spidey responded, shaking his head. 'I doubt that the missus would appreciate it if I came to London without picking up something tacky for her. Now, where can I get me one of those silly Union Jack hats like Joey had in that episode of Friends?'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Spidey gets a Job**

_Tony Stark gives Peter an offer he can't refuse, a cushy new job at Stark Enterprises! How will everybody's Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man deal with having his own secretary and a six figure salary? Tune in next time to find out..._


	20. Spidey Gets A Job

**The Uncanny Spider-Man**

**Chapter 20: Spidey Gets A Job**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Manhattan-**

It was the beginning of a new workday in Manhattan and Peter Parker was on the way to his first day of his new job. Unfortunately, Peter had been fired from his teaching job at his old school due to his numerous absences and late arrivals. There were extenuating circumstances for those absences and late appearances though, but Peter couldn't tell the principal what he was really doing, could he? He dreaded to think of all the fuss that it would cause if he let it be known that Spider-Man was teaching science at the school.

Peter looked up at the huge building that towered above his head as the chauffeur-driven car headed into the parking garage. To tell you the truth, the infamous superhero would have felt more comfortable making his own way there in a cab, but Tony Stark wasn't having any of it. The millionaire had kindly lent Peter the services of his own personal chauffeur.

He unbuckled himself as the car came to a stop and the chauffeur opened the door so he could get out.

'We have arrived, sir.' The chauffeur announced.

'Thanks, Jeeves.' Peter nodded in thanks. 'So, where's Shell Head? Is he gonna give me the tour, or do I have to make my own way around?'

'Mr Stark will meet you in his office.' The chauffeur explained. 'It is on the second-to-last floor.'

'Thanks again, Jeeves.' Peter smiled as he gave the chauffeur a pat on the back in thanks. 'You're a life saver.'

And with that, Peter headed off in the direction of the nearest elevator, or where he believed the nearest elevator to be.

'Sir, the elevators are the other way...' The chauffeur pointed out.

Peter walked back past the chauffeur and smiled nervously.

'I knew that...'

* * *

**Stark's office-**

Thankfully, it didn't take Peter very long to find Tony Stark's office. He only had to stop to ask for directions twice. He was presently sitting in a plush leather chair in front of Stark's desk.

'I'm glad that you could make it, Peter...' Tony smiled. 'I hope you didn't get too lost.'

'Nothing that a map and a team of sherpas couldn't fix.' Peter quipped.

'I dare say that you'd like to see your new workspace...' Tony guessed. 'I think you'll like it. You'll be working in the tech division.'

'Sounds like fun.' Peter nodded in understanding. 'Just as long as I'm not some nameless grunt working telesales.'

'We don't have telesales here, Peter.' Tony pointed out.

'Yeah, I know that...' Peter responded. 'It's just a point I was making. What sort of unspeakable evil could have come up with something like that? I bet it's Doom's new master plan! He's planning on conquering the world by annoying people to death with people trying to sell them insurance over the phone!'

Tony just stared blankly back at Peter.

'What?' Peter asked innocently. 'It could happen. You never know what Doom's up to next.'

'...I think it's time that you met the others...' Tony quickly changed the subject.

* * *

**Tech Division-**

Peter and Tony had donned protective goggles and white lab coats before they entered the technological development area. You could never tell what sort of things the boffins were working on.

The Wall-Crawler winced as he saw a crash test dummy holding a umbrella over its head. One of the lab technicians was standing atop a stepladder, pouring water from a watering can onto the umbrella. No sooner had the water touched the umbrella, then the device snapped closed around the dummy's head, completely severing it.

'That's still got a few bugs to work out...' Tony explained as he led Peter onwards.

Next was a female lab technician who was seemingly applying some lipstick. Peter watched as the woman pointed the lipstick at a target hung on the wall. A laser beam shot out and nailed the target dead-centre.

'Nick Fury commissioned those for his female agents.' Tony pointed out. Peter nodded.

'I think MJ would love one of those.' The younger hero grinned.

Peter stopped beside a desk and held up what seemed to be an ordinary run-of-the-mill pen.

'What does this do?' Peter asked as he inspected the pen closely. 'Does it turn into a miniature grenade? Oh! Does it squirt acid from the tip?'

'...It's a pen.' Tony answered. 'You write things with it.'

Peter let out an impressed whistle.

'Wow. What will you guys think of next?

* * *

**Later-**

Peter had finished his tour and was sitting behind his desk in his own office. It seemed that Peter was now head of the tech division of Stark Enterprises, which suited him just fine. He had already had a conversation with Mary Jane about the sudden rise in pay. As much as Peter liked living in the mansion with the rest of the Avengers, he would have preferred it if he had a place of his own. Peter had always been a loner at heart, and preferred to be a solo hero. Although, it was nice to have other people watching his back on occasion. Being a member of the Avengers had done wonders for Spider-Man's reputation as well. The Daily Bugle hadn't printed anything bad about him in, oh, a good few weeks. Unfortunately, as the new head of the tech division, it also meant that Peter had other people to do all the work for him. He was already starting to get bored.

Peter picked up the phone and put in a call to his secretary.

'Karen, has there been any calls for me?' Peter asked.

'Mr Parker, you've only been in your office for an hour...' Karen told him. 'You wouldn't have any calls this soon.'

'Oh... Right.' Peter sighed. 'Umm... You'll let me know as soon as I get a call, won't you?'

'That is my job, Mr Parker.' Karen replied. 'Is that everything?'

'I think so...' Peter scratched his head nervously as he eyed the window. 'Uh... I'm going to head out for a while. I've got to meet somebody for lunch...'

'But it isn't even lunchtime...' Karen responded, but there was no reply. 'Mr Parker? Are you still there?'

* * *

**A short while later-**

Spider-Man let out a sigh of relief as he swung across the Manhattan skyline. Luckily, there was a hidden room in his office that could be used to hold a spare costume. It was a lot better than getting changed in a utility closet. It was a lot less likely that anybody would walk in on him too.

Spidey came to a rest upon a stone gargoyle. He wasn't lying when he said that he had to meet somebody for lunch, he just didn't say who that person was.

'Something bothering you, Peter?' A voice inquired as somebody landed on a ledge beside him. It was Daredevil, the Man Without Fear, one of Spider-Man's occasional tag-partner. 'Is your new job that bad?'

'How do you know that I've got a new job?' Spidey asked.

'Simple really...' Daredevil explained. 'You smell the same as the leather that Tony Stark uses in the chairs in his executive offices. I'm a lawyer, I sometimes to business with Stark.'

Spidey frowned behind his mask.

'Has anybody ever told you that it's really annoying when you use your super-senses on people?'

Daredevil just laughed at that.

'Is there something that you wanted to talk to me about, or did you just want somebody to listen while you had your monthly rant?'

Spidey glared at the crimson-clad Man Without Fear.

'Did you want the turkey or beef?' Spidey asked as he held up a couple of paper bags.

'Turkey, please.' Daredevil answered. 'You did remember to get diet soda this time, didn't you?'

'Yes, I did remember to get you diet soda.' Spidey sighed. 'The old lady's still got you on a diet, huh?'

'Oh yeah.' Daredevil nodded as he took the sandwich. 'No sugary goodness for me.

'So, which one are you dating this week?' Spidey smirked. 'Elektra, Black Widow, Echo, or that woman you married but then divorced because you went a bit crazy and named yourself Kingpin of Crime?'

'Sometimes I don't know myself.' Daredevil frowned slightly. 'It's Friday today, isn't it?'

'Yup.' Spidey nodded. 'Aunt May makes wheat cakes on Fridays. They're the coolest. You and your flavour of the week are welcome to come over and try some sometime.'

'I think I'm dating Elektra this week.' Daredevil remembered.

'I noticed that you were favouring your right arm.' Spidey nodded. 'Did you pull a muscle during sexy time or something?'

'A gentleman never kisses and tells.' Daredevil answered cryptically.

'C'mon man, the world wants to know...' Spidey continued. 'Those Greek ex-Hand ninjas are supposed to be devils in the sack!'

Daredevil cast Spidey a weary glare.

'And you couldn't have called the Human Torch _because...?_'

'He smells like baby sick.' Spidey told his companion. 'And trust me, I know what baby sick smells like. It ain't pretty.'

Daredevil was about to say something in reply when his radar sense alerted him to danger. Spidey's Spider-Sense did the same.

'So much for a quiet first day at work...' The Web-Slinger sighed.

Spidey tossed his sandwich on the ledge and swung away on a webline. let the birds have his sandwich, he didn't like beef all that much anyway.

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Aunt May Is Dating WHO!?**

_Romance is in the air for Aunt May as she catches the eye of a certain loyal Avengers butler._


	21. Aunt May Is Dating Who?

**The Uncanny Spider-Man**

**Chapter 21: Aunt May Is Dating WHO!?**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Times Square-**

It was a typical day in Times Square. People were driving through the area slowly, but surely. All seemed right with the world. That was until something huge and scaly burst through the ground, making the already sluggish traffic grind to a halt. Fortunately, some of New York's resident heroes were on hand to send the giant monster on its way. However, these heroes weren't the Fantastic Four. They were out of town, most probably taking a jaunt in the Negative Zone, or fighting Doctor Doom in Latveria. Again. The Avengers were on the scene to send the giant monster home.

Spider-Man swung along on a web line as some of his fellow Avengers made their own way there. Whether they were flying under their own steam, as it was in Thor's case, or whether they were sitting in one of the Avengers' Quinjets, as was the case with She-Hulk, Squirrel Girl, and Captain America.

The giant monster, undoubtedly one of the Mole Man's pets, let out a fierce roar as it saw the approaching heroes. It picked up a petrol tanker that had fallen on its side and pitched it at the Quinjet. Fortunately, Spidey was ready with a web line.

'Jeez, watch it! You could have somebody's eye out with that thing!' The Wall-Crawler quipped as he swung the tanker around his head. He then let the web line go, sending the tanker high in the sky.

'The God of Thunder has been away from fair Midgard for quite some time…' A confused Thor frowned as he landed on the ground beside Spidey. 'But has the Mole Man not reformed?'

'More or less.' Captain America replied as he and the rest of the Avengers disembarked from the Quinjet. 'I don't see any reason why one of his monsters would be running amuck again.'

'Perhaps it's just a naughty pet.' Squirrel Girl suggested. 'I get it all the time with my squirrel chums. Why, there's this one squirrel living in Central Park that keeps on trying to steal my nut sacks.'

'_Pfff!_' She-Hulk covered her mouth in an attempt to conceal her laughter. 'Heh. Nut sacks.'

'A little professionalism if you would, Jen?' Cap admonished the Jade Giantess. 'We do have a situation here, remember?'

'Well, how exactly do we stop something like this trashing the place?' Spidey asked, indicating the giant monster with a wave of his hand. 'I left my Spider-Monster Repellent in my other pants.'

'Allow me, fellow Avengers…' Thor offered as he stepped up to the monster and held up his enchanted hammer. 'One swift blow from the mighty Mjolnir will send yon monster back to whichever pit it didst originate from.'

'Ooh, this is gonna hurt…' She-Hulk winced as she saw the Thunder God do his thing.

'By my father's beard, I smite thee!' Thor bellowed as he swung Mjolnir down onto the monster's foot. The monster roared in pain and clutched its wounded foot. Spidey then made his move as he shot a web line around the creature's other leg.

'A little help?' The Web-Slinger grunted as he struggled to topple the monster.

'Allow me…' She-Hulk smirked as she dusted off her hands and took the web line from Spidey. With one swift yank, the Jade Giantess pulled the creature's free leg form under it, sending it falling back down into the hole that it had come out from.

'You always did make feel feel like a 98-pound weakling, Shulkie.' Spidey sighed dramatically.

'Well, that wasn't really fair.' Squirrel Girl sniffed. 'I didn't even get to fight. There wasn't any need for me to come here.'

'Aww, sure there was, kid.' She-Hulk smiled as she ruffled the younger heroine's hair. 'You had to come along, you're one of the cornerstones of the URM-verse.'

'Umm, Jen? you're doing it again.' Cap pointed out. 'You're breaking the fourth wall.'

'Aww, nertz.' She-Hulk groaned. 'I thought I got over that problem.'

* * *

**Back at Avengers Mansion-**

Once the Avengers were sure that the authorities could handle the clear up operation, everybody returned to the mansion.

'Well, I'm happy that we managed to get rid of all that graffiti that our friend from Cleveland sprayed all over the Quinjet.' Cap breathed a sigh of relief as he walked down the corridor with Spidey. 'Luckily, it didn't take much to wash it all off.'

'Poor Jarvis.' Spidey shook his head. 'The guys does all of the dirty jobs for us. Don't you think it's about time he took a break? No offence or anything, but he isn't getting younger.'

'I agree with everything you've just said, Peter…' Cap nodded. 'But Jarvis just wouldn't have it. Tony tried to give him a few days off once, but he just wouldn't listen. He says that he's happy doing all of our dirty jobs.'

'The guy needs a girlfriend to take his mind off everything.' Spidey quipped, only half-seriously. Cap chuckled at that.

'Say, wouldn't it be funny if he and your Aunt May…?'

Spidey shot the Sentinel of Liberty a withering glare.

'Do. Not.Joke. About that!'

'I was just trying a little levity, is all.' Cap held his hands up in defence.

'Well, don't.' Spidey retorted. 'I'm gonna go upstairs and have a shower. Aunt May wants to talk to me about something.'

Cap knew better than to continue teasing the Wall-Crawler, but unfortunately for everybody's Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man, Wonder Man walked up and decided to have a go.

'Jarvis and May up a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G…'

* * *

**Later-**

Peter had changed into his civvies and was in the sitting room with Mary Jane, Little May, Aunt May, Tony Stark, and Jarvis. Aunt May had something important to tell her nephew.

Peter wrung his hands nervously. Aunt May had a history of heart problems. He hoped that it wasn't anything like that. Aunt May meant the world to him. He didn't know what he'd do if Aunt May was taken from him.

'Well, I for one am wondering why we were called here.' Tony was the first one to say anything. 'Wait… This isn't some Agatha Christie thing, is it? With Jarvis taking the place of Hercule Poirot and May as Miss Marple?'

'Oh, don't be sill, Tony.' May chuckled. 'My, you do have such an active imagination sometimes.'

'Well, why have you called us all here?' Mary Jane asked. Little May was sitting on her red-and-blue blankie hugging her favourite cuddly Thing doll. 'Tony's right, this is starting to seem an awful lot like a drawing room murder mystery.'

'It was the Scarlet Witch in the kitchen with the candlestick.' Peter quipped. 'But seriously, what is it you wanted to tell us?'

'Well, I wasn't the only one that wanted to tell you this…' May stated. 'Edwin?'

Peter's eyes widened in surprise as he put two and two together. Mary Jane and Tony's reactions were much more positive, however.

'Jarvis, you old son of a gun!' Tony laughed as he shook his butler's hand. 'I never knew you had it in you!'

'Well, I do have a life outside of this mansion you know, sir.' Jarvis smiled. 'May and I just seemed to hit it off. We have so many similar interests.'

'I think it's sweet that you've found somebody after so long.' Mary Jane congratulated May with a gentle hug.

May then noticed that Peter was a little solemn.

'Peter, sweetie? Is everything alright?'

'Uh… yeah.' Peter smiled uncertainly. 'It's just… this is a lot to take in.'

'I understand that you're worried about me.' May comforted her nephew. 'Seeing how in the last relationship I had, I almost married Doctor Octopus, and all. But there's really no need to worry. I may be old, but I can look after myself. Now, cheer yourself up or you won't get any wheat cakes.'

Peter couldn't help but smile at that. If there was anything that cheered him up, it was his aunt's wheat cakes. Tony looked over at the slightly more cheerful Wall-Crawler.

'Your aut nearly married Doctor Octopus? Oh, I have to hear this! How did _that_ happen?'

**TBC…**

* * *

Next: Spidey's Amazing Friends

_Spidey teams up with Iceman and Firestar to take on the all-new Spider Slayer._


	22. Spidey's Amazing Friends: Part 1

**The Uncanny Spider-Man**

**Chapter 22: Spidey's Amazing Friends- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Somewhere in New Jersey-**

In an old abandoned warehouse somewhere in New Jersey, several robots were bustling to-and-fro building something.

'Yes, that's it, my pets…' An electronic-sounding voice chuckled evilly. 'Soon my plan will be complete..'

'_Bee-dee-bee-dee?_' One of the robots chirped enquiringly.

'Oh, for the love of…' The mystery voice groaned. 'I've told you about my plan enough times already. You don't want to hear it again, do you?'

'_Beep.' _The robot nodded.

'Very well…' The voice sighed heavily. 'My plan is… The destruction of Spider-Man!'

'_Bee-deep.' _The robot chirped doubtfully.

'Of course my plan will work!' The mystery voice exclaimed. 'This time my plan is flawless! Nothing can stand in my way now! Nothing can stop me from obliterating that accursed Spider-Man!'

'_**SQUEEEE!!**_' Another robot screeched as whatever it was building gave it an electric shock. The mystery voice grumbled to itself in regret.

'Well, that's what I get for using rejects from Radio Shack.'

* * *

**Avengers Mansion-**

It was past breakfast time in the home of the World's Mightiest Heroes and Peter Parker, otherwise known as everybody's Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man, was sitting on his bed playing with his daughter while his wife hurried about the room.

'Now, where did I put that cell phone?' Mary Jane muttered to herself as she scrambled through her handbag. 'Where is it? Where is it?'

'Have you tried your hand?' Peter smirked as he indicated that Mary Jane was indeed holding her cell phone in her hand.

'Hee.' Little May giggled in glee. 'Mommy's silly.'

'Heh. I don't know what's wrong with me today.' Mary Jane laughed embarrassedly. 'I'm never usually this scatterbrained. It's just, this is the first audition that I've had for ages. Plus, it's Shakespeare. _Shakespeare!_'

'Shakespeare, is it?' Peter teased his wife. 'Is that a good thing?'

'Oh, quiet, you.' Mary Jane rolled her eyes. 'This isn't just some off-Broadway play that barely anybody is going to see. It's a real Broadway adaptation of that famous Scottish play.'

'Don't you mean Macbe…?' Peter began to ask, but Mary Jane swiftly silenced him by a pillow to the head.

'Don't you dare say that name!' Mary Jane exclaimed. 'You know that it's bad luck to mention that name when you're in the theatre business.'

'You haven't even got the part yet, MJ.' Peter pointed out, rolling his eyes. 'And you're already acting like a superstitious old fart.'

'I'll have to take everything seriously if I want the part, Tiger.' Mary Jane explained. 'This isn't some cheesy little soap opera like Secret Hospital. This is really important to me.'

'And I support you, I really do.' Peter responded as he stood up and held his wife's hands in his. 'I'm sure that you'll kick butt in Mac… that Scottish play.'

'You will remember to put that money in the bank, won't you?' Mary Jane reminded her husband. 'We'll need to put some money in our savings account if we want that expensive holiday.'

'Disney!' Little May exclaimed excitedly. 'Going to Disney!'

'That's if daddy puts the money in the bank.' Mary Jane smiled as she poked her little daughter on the nose.

'Don't worry…' Peter reassured his wife with a big hug. 'I haven't got any other plans that'll make me forget. Tony doesn't need me at the lab today, and there isn't anything particularly interesting going on with the Avengers.'

'If there is, they can always send Squirrel Girl out to deal with it.' Mary Jane smirked.

'You don't actually believe those stories that she keeps on telling everybody about beating up Doctor Doom, do you?' Peter frowned sceptically. 'Those are just urban legends, you know.'

'Oh, my dear, dear Peter…' Mary Jane tutted. 'So cynical.'

* * *

**Manhattan National Bank-**

Peter was standing in line at the bank. He had been in there for quite some time. The line had barely moved since he had entered.

'I knew I shouldn't have come in here at peak time.' Peter grumbled to himself. 'I could have run some other errands first, but _noooo, _I just _had_ to get this little job out of the way.

'Oh, I hear ya, buddy.' The brown-haired man that Peter was standing behind turned to address him. 'Your conscience wouldn't let you do the stuff you wanted to do first, would it? I'm the same. Damn misguided sense of honour.'

Peter then recognised who he was talking to.

'_**Iceman!?' **_Peter exclaimed a little too loudly. 'What're you doing here?'

'Waiting to be fossilised apparently.' Bobby Drake shrugged in response. 'Oh, and, dude? Keep it down, would you? I don't think the norms would appreciate it if they found out that a filthy mutie used the same bank as them.'

'Could you please not use that word?' A redheaded young woman requested as she leant over the rope that separated the customers from the counters. 'I find it offensive.'

It didn't take Peter and Bobby very long to recognise the woman.

'Firestar?!' Peter blinked in surprise. 'This is pretty convenient, isn't it? I mean, it's almost like we've got a Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends reunion or something.'

'Hey, that brings back memories.' Bobby grinned. 'How're things going with you and Vance, Angie?'

'I'm just here to withdraw some money.' Angelica Jones shrugged. 'I didn't expect a team-up or anything. Oh, and Vance and I are getting along just fine. he still misses Malibu, though. I could never get him off the beach.'

'I'm here to try and deposit some money in my account to pay of credit card bills.' Bobby sighed heavily. 'Lorna's got expensive tastes, you know.'

'Yeah, crazy women do that.' Peter nodded.

'Hey! Lorna isn't crazy!' Bobby defended his girlfriend. 'She's just… a little eccentric, is all.'

'But seriously, when was the three of us last teamed up?' Angelica asked. 'Something to do with the Beyonder, wasn't it?'

'I thought it was something to do with Thanos, Adam Warlock, and the Infinity Whoozit.' Bobby shrugged. 'I hear that Squirrel Girl beat Thanos up once.'

'The poor guy must have really fallen on hard times.' Angelica tutted. 'He used to be one of the most feared beings in the universe.'

'Oh, for crying out loud…' Peter groaned into his hands. 'Don't you two start this crap. I get enough of it at home. It's just an urban myth.'

'What, like alligators in the sewers?' Angelica asked.

'Or Michael Jackson!' Bobby chipped in.

'Actually, alligators living in the sewers isn't an urban myth.' Peter pointed out. 'There was this one time, a year or two ago, when the Lizard broke into the zoo and released some alligators into the sewers. You wouldn't believe the trouble that I had finding them all. And the less said about the state of my old red-and-blues afterwards, the be…'

Peter trailed off when he started to get a tingling sensation at the back of his skull.

'Uh-oh. My Spider-Sense is tingling…'

'Oh, typical!' Bobby threw his arms up in exasperation. 'The three of us just happen to gather in the same place at the same time, and trouble always follows. I should have seen it coming. It always happens when different heroes gather in one place together.'

'I think it would be a better idea if we started to get these people out of the way before the fighting starts.' Angelica advised them.

Unfortunately, it was too late to start evacuating the other customers in the bank as something smashed right through the wall, sending people scurrying for cover.

Once the dust had receded, Peter and his fellow heroes saw what had caused the mess. It was some sort of half-human half-robot creature with auburn hair and deadly-looking laser blasters on its shoulders.

'Spider-Man!' The Cyborg bellowed. 'Show yourself, Web-Slinger! Do so, and your death shall be painless!'

'Friend of yours?' Bobby whispered to Peter.

'That's Alistair Smythe, I think.' Peter whispered back. 'I thought he was dead. Or in prison. I keep losing count.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Spidey's Amazing Friends- Part 2**

_Spidey and his Amazing Friends Vs. Alistair Smythe. 'Nuff said!_


	23. Spidey's Amazing Friends: Part 2

**The Uncanny Spider-Man**

**Chapter 22: Spidey's Amazing Friends- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Manhattan National Bank-**

Peter Parker had gone to the bank to deposit some money into the account that he shared with Mary Jane so he and his wife could take Little May, their daughter, on holiday. Whilst waiting in the line to be served Peter had bumped into Bobby Drake and Angelica Jones, otherwise known as Iceman and Firestar. The three used to team up all the time years ago. Unfortunately, Alistair Smythe had chosen to drop in for a visit. Peter had ducked into a back room to change in to his old red-and-blues while Bobby and Angelica took on the villain.

'Geez, buddy. I know that standing in line can be pretty annoying, but there's no need to smash up the joint.' Iceman told the villainous cyborg. 'Now, why don't you act like a nice polite member of society and take a place at the back of the line? Somebody will be with you in a moment.'

'My business isn't with you, X-Man.' Smythe glared at the ice-wielding mutant. 'Now, tell me where Spider-Man is!'

_Thwip!_

Smythe let out a growl of anger as a lump of webbing hit him in the face.

'Did somebody mention my name?' Spidey quipped from his perch on one of the walls. 'Hey, Al. didn't your mother ever tell you that cutting in line is rude?'

'You'll be laughing on the other side of your face when I'm finished with you, Wall-Crawler!' Smythe growled as he tore the webbing from his face.

'Why don't we take this fight outside?' Firestar asked. 'There's no need to get innocent bystanders hurt.'

'It doesn't matter where it happens.' Smythe retorted. 'Whether it's inside the bank or on the top of the Empire State Building. I will destroy you, Web-Slinger. No matter what!'

'Nice to see that your witty banter hasn't improved, Al.' Spidey shot back as he swung down from the wall, dealing Smythe a kick to the chest that sent the cybernetic villain tumbling back out of the hole in the wall that he had made when he burst in.

'What happened to the old days when all the bad guys did was tie you up and boast about their schemes for world domination?' Iceman sighed heavily. 'At least by the time they'd finished going on about how smart they were and how they were going to rule the world, you would have untied yourself and stopped their latest super-weapon of the week.'

'I don't remember you talking this much back in the old days.' Firestar frowned as she blasted Smythe with a micro-blast. 'How do the X-Men deal with it?'

'Hey, don't knock the witty banter during battle.' Spider-Man responded as he shot a web line around Smythe's legs and spun him around. 'It's one of the things that I'm known best for.'

'As well as having enemies that never stay dead?' Iceman quipped as Spidey let go of the web line, sending Smythe crashing into an abandoned bus.

'Oh, like you're one to talk.' Spidey snorted in response. 'Just how many times has Magneto died and come back to life?'

'Touche.' Iceman nodded.

'Uh, guys?' Firestar chipped in. 'Smythe isn't down yet.'

Spidey and Iceman both turned to see that Smythe had gotten back up to his feet and was holding the bus over his head.

'I'm going to crush you into paste!' The half-human half-robot villain hissed angrily.

'Now, that's a lovely image.' Iceman rolled his eyes as he encased the bus that Smythe was holding in a giant block of ice.

'Ahh! Damn mutants!' Smythe growled as he tried to tug his hands free. 'My hands are stuck!'

'Then, by all means, let me help you.' Firestar offered as she took to the air and let rip with more micro-blasts.

Spidey and Iceman both shielded themselves with their arms as bits of frozen bus exploded everywhere.

'Is that the best you've got?' Smythe bellowed as he let rip with his shoulder-mounted laser cannons. 'It will take a lot more than that to put me down!'

'Okay, quick science lesson…' Spidey said as Firestar flew around, creating a ring of fire around Smythe. 'What happens when you rapidly cool super-heated metal?'

'Ooh, I like where this is going…' Iceman smirked as he took to the air on an ice sled and encased Smythe in a cocoon of ice.

'Are you sure that'll hold him?' Firestar blinked as he landed back down on the ground.

'I guess we'll soon find out…' Spidey responded as Smythe burst out of his icy prison.

'You… _kzzt_… will pay for that, Wall… _kzzt_… Crawler!' Smythe hissed as he stomped towards the heroes. The attack had obviously damaged him. Parts of his circuitry were exposed, and his stomping was more like a stagger. 'I will… _kzzt_… te-te-tear you limb from… _kzzt_… li-li-limb!'

'No, I don't think you will.' Spidey shook his head as he picked up a lamppost that had fallen over during the fight and clobbered Smythe over the head with it.

'Please tell me that he's done.' Iceman sighed. 'Cuz that guy was starting to get on my nerves.'

Spidey turned his head as he heard the sound of approaching police sirens.

'And that is my signal to leave…' The Web-Slinger stated as he swung away. 'We should do this again sometime, guys.'

'Yeah. Hopefully next time we won't be left clearing up his mess.' Firestar shook her head.

* * *

**Avengers Mansion, later-**

Peter climbed in through his bedroom window and was greeted by his grinning daughter sitting on his bed.

'Yay, daddy!' The little brown-haired girl grinned happily as she held out her arms. 'Up! Up!'

Peter removed his mask and picked his little daughter up in his arms.

'Hey there, Mayday.' Peter grinned as he kissed his daughter on the top of her head. 'Is mommy home?'

'Yuh-huh.' Little May nodded in response. 'She in baff room.'

'Is that you, Tiger?' Mary Jane's voice asked from the bathroom.

'Yeah, it's me.' Peter answered. 'How'd the audition go?'

'Meh. Not so bad.' Mary Jane shrugged nonchalantly before a huge smile spread across her face. 'I only got the role!'

'That's fantastic!' Peter laughed out loud as he hugged his wife tight.

'You did remember to pay that money into the bank, didn't you?' Mary Jane enquired. Peter winced at that. With all the excitement of teaming up with Iceman and Firestar he had completely forgotten about putting the money into his account.

'D'oh!'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: My Lunch With Torchie**

_Sppidey meets with the Human Torch for lunch and_

reminisces about how their lives have changed since the first time they met.


	24. My Lunch Witch Torchie

**The Uncanny Spider-Man**

**Chapter 24: My Lunch With Torchie**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

_

* * *

_

**Avengers Mansion-**

It was morning at the home of the World's Mightiest Heroes, and Peter Parker was getting ready for his day. Mary Jane was also preparing for her busy day. Mrs Parker had been cast in the lead female role in an off-Broadway production of Macbeth. She wanted to make a good impression on her first day of rehearsal.

'I shouldn't be home too late, honey.' Peter reassured her as he pulled on his Spider-Man mask. 'I'm just gonna go meet Johnny at our usual meeting place. We're gonna hang out for a bit, then I'm heading home. Knowing the old Parker luck, I'll end up in a fight with a bad guy on the way home.'

'I shouldn't be home any later then seven.' Mary Jane told her husband.

'_Seven?!_' Peter spluttered. 'I thought this was just one little production of Macbeth!'

'Ahh! Don't say that name!' Mary Jane grimaced. 'It's bad luck to say that word! If you have to talk about the play, then call it _The Scottish Play _instead.'

'If you keep up like this any longer, then you'll start calling everybody _dah-ling_.' Peter smirked as he opened the window. 'Good luck… I mean, break a leg.'

'Aren't you forgetting something?' Mary Jane enquired as her web-slinging hubby began to climb out of the window.

'Sorry, honey.' Peter said as he rolled up his mask and kissed his wife on the cheek. 'Give Mayday a kiss for me, will you?'

_**THWIP!**_

Peter shot out a web line and swung away.

* * *

**The Statue of Liberty, later-**

The Human Torch was flying around the Statue of Liberty. The hot-headed hero was starting to get rather impatient. He had been waiting for quite some time already and Spider-Man had yet to arrive.

'Aww, nuts to this.' Johnny Storm muttered to himself as he extinguished his flames and sat on top of the statue's crown. 'I coulda been spending time with my wife instead of waiting out here for a wall-crawler that won't even turn up.'

'Now, is that any way to talk about your oldest and dearest friend?' Spider-Man chuckled as he landed beside Johnny. 'Sorry I'm late. You wouldn't believe the line at the deli.'

'Yeah, yeah. Spare me the excuses.' Johnny rolled his eyes. 'Just gimmie the food.'

Spidey slung a pack made out of webbing over his shoulder and dug through its contents before taking out something wrapped in paper.

'Yours was the chilli meatballs, right?' The Web-Slinger remembered as he passed the package to Johnny.

'The guy didn't scrimp on the hot sauce, did he?' Johnny grinned hopefully.

'Nuh-uh.' Spidey shook his head. 'I told him to go wild. Although, the sandwich seemed pretty high. Are you sure you'll be able to eat it without making a mess?'

'Please, I've eaten a ton of these things before.' Johnny smirked as he unwrapped his sandwich and took a bite.

_**SPLORT!**_

A blob of hot sauce shot out of the sandwich and fell down Johnny's front.

'Aww, man…' The Human Torch groaned as he looked down at the red smear on his chest. Spider-Man simply handed him a napkin.

'So, what's this latest meeting about?' Johnny asked as he tried to clean himself up. 'You're not feeling all depressed and angst again are you? You're overdue for your usual funk.'

'I just wanted to hang out, is all.' Spidey explained as he unwrapped his own sandwich. 'We've both been so busy lately that we've hardly had time to hang out.'

'Yeah, who woulda thought that we'd both end up married with kids?' Johnny chuckled. 'You get any sodas?'

'Grape, right?' Spidey asked as he handed over a can. 'I mean, if a few years ago somebody told me that I'd end up married, to a supermodel no less, I would have said they were nuts.'

'Especially seeing that you used to be such a big old nerd.' Johnny laughed. 'Puny Parker, right?'

'Do you mind?' Spidey sighed. 'I'm trying to be serious here.'

'Right. Sorry.' Johnny apologised. 'You're right though, I woulda never believed anybody if they told me I'd end up married with a kid. All I used to care about was hot girls and fast cars. Now it's all bedtime stories and pony rides.'

'Has Tora started to show any signs of special powers?' Spidey enquired curiously. 'What age are Skrull children supposed to start shape-shifting anyway?'

'Straight after birth, I think.' Johnny answered. 'Tora's half-human as well, so I guess it'll take her a little longer to learn.'

'That's if she has the same powers as her mother.' Spidey added. 'With a mix of Skrull and cosmically irradiated DNA, weren't you worried that your daughter would end up being something like the Super-Skrull?'

'Aww, man. Don't even _talk_ about that.' Johnny grimaced. 'What about your daughter, has she got any powers yet?'

'Nothing yet.' Spidey explained. 'Mayday's just a normal human child as far as MJ and I know.'

Johnny finished his sandwich and wiped his mouth with another napkin.

'Hey, don't you feel kind of awkward working on the same team as your ex-girlfriend?' The Human Torch wondered. 'I mean, doesn't MJ get suspicious when you and the Black Cat are off fighting Kang or whoever? For all she knows, you could both be up to something.'

'MJ knows she can trust me.' Spidey said. 'Besides, Felicia is over me now. Didn't you hear? She's dating Wonder Man now. You're one to talk. What about Lyja, doesn't she get suspicious whenever you team up with any of your exes?'

'I haven't seen Crystal for months.' Johnny replied with a shrug. 'As far as I know she's perfectly happy doing her thing with the West Coast Avengers.'

'Yeah, she seemed okay at that Avengers barbeque the other week.' Spidey nodded. 'Hey, did you hear who isn't dead? Mockingbird!'

'Hawkeye's ex-wife, right?' Johnny remembered.

'Yeah, the one and the same.' Spidey nodded. 'It seems like everybody's coming back from the dead now.'

'Especially if you're one of the X-Men.' Johnny smirked. 'Those guys never seem to stay dead for five minutes before they come back.'

_**KRAKOOM!**_

The two heroes both turned at the sound of an explosion to see a plume of smoke coming from the other side of the river.

'Well, so much for a quiet spot of lunch.' Spidey sighed as he rolled up his mask. 'It looks like I'll be late home after all.'

**TBC…**

**

* * *

**

**Next: Reign of the Sinister Six**

_When Electro and the Vulture orchestrate a mass breakout of the Raft in order to reform the Sinister Six, it's up to Spider-Man to stop the villains. _


	25. Reign of the Sinister Six: Part 1

**The Uncanny Spider-Man**

**Chapter 25: Reign of the Sinister Six- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

_

* * *

_

**Manhattan-**

Spider-Man shivered in his perch opposite a S.H.I.E.L.D. safe house. Somebody had been breaking into safe houses over the past week or so. The reason behind the break-ins was a mystery. Nothing had even been stolen. Spidey was on a stake-out opposite the safe house. He just hoped that whoever was behind the break-ins would choose the safe house that he was watching.

'I really should get myself a warmer outfit.' Spidey grumbled. 'I bet the Human Torch doesn't have this trouble.'

Fortunately, it didn't take the criminals very long to make their appearance. A non-descript black van pulled up beneath the Wall-Crawler and several masked men stepped out.

'Gee. Talk about trying too hard.' Spidey muttered to himself. 'These guys are trying so hard to look inconspicuous that they're totally going to give themselves away. Ah, well. I don't have time to sit here working on my monologue, it's time to get to work.'

Down below, the criminals busied themselves with attending to the safe house's alarm system.

'C'mon, man! Get a move on, will ya?' The lead goon grumbled. 'We ain't got time to mess around. We're on a tight schedule here.'

'I'm going as fast as I can.' The goon in charge of the alarm retorted. 'S.H.I.E.L.D musta got wise and changed their security codes. It's gonna take time to get through.'

The alarm guy expected another reprimand from his superior, but none came. He turned around to find that he had disappeared. As a matter of fact, all of his fellow goons had disappeared. Then he noticed where his fellows had ended up. They were all webbed to the walls.

'Uh-oh.' The alarm guy gulped nervously.

_**THWIP!**_

Spider-Man shot out a web line, pulling the alarm guy up to the top of the roof.

'Beautiful night for it, right?' Spidey quipped. 'A little bit of breaking and entering, I mean.'

'I-I ain't gonna tell you nothing, man!' The alarm guy stammered. 'I especially ain't gonna tell you what Octavius wanted with the information we were gonna steal! Aww, crap.'

'So, you're working for Doc Ock.' Spider-Man surmised. 'What does ol' Pudding-Bowl-Haircut-Man want with all this top secret info? Do you think he's finally going to find someone to give him a half-decent haircut?'

'I ain't saying nothing!' The goon retorted.

'Oh, aren't you?' Spidey chuckled as he pulled the goon closer so they were face-to-face. He then put on his most intimidating voice. 'Don't make me ask you again.' He growled.

The goon didn't need to be told again so he blabbed all he knew.

'Ock wants a robot army!' The goon blabbed. 'The same robots he had years ago, but you stopped him! **(1) **S.H.I.E.L.D. has been looking after them ever since! Please, you gotta let me go!'

'Where is he?' Spidey growled in his best Batman voice.

'H-he's hiding out in a warehouse in the docks!' The goon stammered. 'W-warehouse 24-B! Please, man! You gotta let me go! I've told you all you wanted to know.'

'You've been most helpful.' Spider-Man complimented the goon as he webbed the goon to the wall with the rest of his fellows. 'Hang around for a while.'

Spidey then shot out another web line and swung away.

'_Hang around? _Geez. That was bad, even for me. I _really_ have to work on some new material.'

* * *

**Warehouse 24-B-**

Doctor Octopus paced the warehouse impatiently. The minions he had sent out to one of the S.H.I.E.L.D. safe houses were late back. That could only mean one thing: that accursed Spider-Man was on to him!

What the goon had neglected to mention was the fact that Octavius wasn't alone. He had the Sinister Six by his side! He had recruited Electro, the Vulture, Hobgoblin, Scorpion, and the Rhino to assist him in his latest scheme.

'Well, it looks like yer latest plan's come to nothing, Doc.' Scorpion sniffed. 'Where'd you get those goons, any way? I thought Taskmaster went outta business.' **(2)**

'Quiet, Gargan.' Doc Ock shushed him. 'I'm thinking.'

Scorpion did as he was told and kept quiet while Doctor Octopus continued with his pondering.

'If the henchmen did not find any information regarding the location of my robot army, then that could only leave one place left to find them.' Octavius thought out loud. 'New Jersey.'

'Aww, man.' Electro grumbled. 'Why is it always Jersey?'

'Jersey, huh? Wow. That place sure is a bad guy magnet.'

Doctor Octopus and the rest of the Sinister Six all turned as one to see Spider-Man hanging upside down behind them.

'Peek-a-boo, I see you.' Spidey joked as he somersaulted out of the way.

'_Spider-Man!_' Octavius snarled. 'Destroy him!'

'Gee, Ocky. What happened to all the fun banter?' Spider-Man tutted as she shot Octavius in the eyes with some web fluid. 'Destroy him? You're no fun any more.'

_**THWIP!**_

'Aww, shut yer yap.' The Rhino snorted as he charged at he Wall-Crawler.

'And also, the Rhino?' Spidey snorted as he leapt out of the way, causing him to crash through the wall. 'Your standards are slipping, Otto.'

'The Rhino might only be the dumb muscle, but you'll find that the rest of us are as deadly as ever!' The Vulture retorted as he cut Spider-Man's web line with one of his wings.

'I got him!' Scorpion yelled as he leapt up to grab the Web-Slinger. 'I got him!'

'Watch out, you fool!' Hobgoblin yelled in return. 'We're going to collide!'

_**SPANG!**_

Scorpion collided with Hobgoblin's Goblin Glider, sending the pair of them tumbling to the ground.

'Fools!' Doctor Octopus hissed angrily. 'I may as well finish this myself!'

The not-so fair doctor's cybernetic arms lashed out and grabbed Spider-Man by the arms and legs, one limb each.

'Not so chatty now that you're in my clutches, are you?' Octavius sneered.

'Nice to see that you got rid of that greasy mullet and leather jacket, Otto.' Spidey quipped. 'That whole ensemble _screamed_ mid-life crisis.'

_**CRUNCH!**_

'Fool!' Octavius yelled as he slammed Spider-Man. 'You have intruded on my plans for the last time!'

_**CRACK!**_

He slammed Spider-Man on the ground once more.

'It's a pity I don't have time to enjoy this, but I have a prior engagement in New Jersey.' Octavius smirked as he slammed Spider-Man onto the ground one last time.

_**CRUNCH!**_

'Electro, dispose of him.' Octavius commanded. 'Throw him into the river.'

'With pleasure, boss.' Electro grinned as he dragged the unconscious Spider-Man outside.

Once Spider-Man had been disposed of, Doctor Octopus turned back to regard the rest of the Sinister Six.

'Now gentlemen, I believe we have an appointment in New Jersey…'

**TBC…**

**

* * *

**

Next: Reign of the Sinister Six- Part 2

_Could this be the end of the Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man? How will he stop the Sinister Six once they find their robot army? Who will he bring along to help? Guest stars galore! And Deadpool!_

_

* * *

_

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_Doctor Octopus gained his robot army in _Spider-Man #18-23.

**(2)- **_Taskmaster isn't in business any more due to the fact he works for Deadpool now. Read '_Uncanny Deadpool' _for more details._


	26. Reign of the Sinister Six: Part 2

**The Uncanny Spider-Man**

**Chapter 26: Reign of the Sinister Six- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

_

* * *

_

**New Jersey-**

A familiar red-and-blue-clad figure bobbed in the water near the docks somewhere in New Jersey. Unfortunately, the figure was that of Spider-Man. The Wall-Crawler was on the trail of the Sinister Six's latest plan, something to do with an army of robots. Spider-Man had attempted to take on Doctor Octopus and his cronies on his own, but had come off a little worse for wear. Doc Ock had savagely beaten him and had him tossed into the water.

A stream of bubbles were slowly released from Spider-Man's unconscious form. A few seconds later, the Wall-Crawler's head burst through the surface of the water.

'Gah! Jersey water!' Spidey spluttered as he pulled off his mask. 'God! I'm gonna be tasting that for weeks!'

'Hey there, need a hand?'

Spidey squinted and raised a hand in front of his face as a spotlight shone on him. It was one of the Avengers' Quinjets.

'Kind of late for a swim, don't you think?' Black Cat snickered.

'Oh, real funny.' Spidey rolled his eyes as he put his mask back on. 'How about a little help? I've already swallowed a whole lungful of Jersey water, I don't want to catch a cold as well.'

'Allow me, Spider-Man.' Thor said as he began to spin the mighty Mjolnir. 'Mjolnir's might shall carry you into the Quinjet.'

'Hey Thor, what are you _doiiiiiiing?_' Spidey yelped as the God of Thunder used his enchanted hammer to conjure up a water spout to scoop the Wall-Crawler up out of the water and into the hovering Quinjet.

'Pleh. Let's not do that again.' Spidey coughed as he tried to get the taste of Jersey water out of his mouth. The Wasp threw a blanket over the webhead in an attempt to keep him warm. 'What brings you guys here, anyway?'

'We heard that there was some sort of commotion at the docks.' She-Hulk answered. 'Then we found you floating in the water. I don't think you went for a late night swim. You wanna tell us what was going on?'

'Doc Ock and the Sinister Six are planning something big.' Spidey explained. 'Something with an army of robots. I followed their trail through a load of S.H.I.E.L.D. safe houses, and well… you can see what happened.'

'Then what are we waiting for?' Wonder Man whooped. 'Let's go get them!'

'Nuh-uh. No way.' Spidey shook his head. 'This is my fight. I'm going alone.'

'Spider-Man, you are an Avenger.' Thor stated, putting a friendly hand on the Wall-Crawler's shoulder. 'You are more than a teammate, you are a friend. Where friends do go, the Odinson does follow.'

'You'd better do what he says, buddy.' Wonder Man chipped in. 'When Thor gets it in his mind to fight, you'd better just stand back and let him do his thing.'

'Are you sure you don't need medical help?' The Wasp enquired. 'No offence, but you don't look too good. We could go on ahead and take on the Sinister Six while you get some help.'

'Seriously guys, thanks for the help and everything, but I'd really rather go do this on my own.' Spidey insisted. 'There's no need for you to get involved in this.'

'It's like Thor said, Spidey. You're an Avenger now.' She-Hulk reminded him, her green face showing a grin. 'We stick together.'

Spider-Man knew better than to argue otherwise, so he sat down in silence as the Quinjet carried himself and the Avengers to their destination.

* * *

**Elsewhere in New Jersey-**

'Heh-heh. This was too easy.' Scorpion grinned as he tossed an unconscious S.H.I.E.L.D. agent to the floor. 'With the Wall-Crawler outta the way nobody can stop us now.'

'Yeah, he's sleeping with the fishes now.' The Rhino chuckled. 'I only wish that I got a few more shots in.'

'Jeez, the rain's coming down real quick now.' Electro stated as he looked up at the skylight above his head. 'It's a real storm out there. It came outta nowhere.'

'What's taking so long, Octavius?' The Vulture grumbled. 'The more time we spend lollygagging around here, the more time it gives the authorities to catch us. With Spider-Man down, it's only a matter of time before the Avengers find us.'

'You worry too much, Toomes.' Doctor Octopus said as he busied himself at a computer terminal. 'The moment I reactivate our old robot army we will be unstoppable!'

'I agree with the old man.' Hobgoblin added. 'I've got a bad feeling about this. You don't take down one of the World's Mightiest Heroes without repercussions.'

'Aww, yer all a buncha old women.' Scorpion snorted in derision. 'The Wall-Crawler's gone, ain't he Electro?'

The electricity-wielding villain just looked skywards, as if he could sense something.

'Aww man, not again…' **(1)**

_**KRAKOOM!**_

A bolt of lightning crashed through the skylight, hitting Electro square on the chest and sending him sailing through the air.

'Octavius! We would have a word with thee!' Thor announced as he and the rest of the Avengers made their appearance known.

'Oh, that's it now!' The Vulture began to panic. 'It's game over, Octavius! Game over!'

'Quiet, you fool!' Doctor Octopus snapped. 'I merely need one more moment…'

_**CRUNCH!**_

The multi-armed villain's boasts were cut off as a giant hand crashed down on him, crushing the computer terminal he had been working on.

'Just call me the Giant Wasp.' The Wasp grinned as she picked up the stunned Octavius in her hand. 'On second thoughts, that's a terrible idea.'

'_Rrragh! _I'll crush alla ya!' The Rhino snorted as he charged at the giant Wasp.

'Not so fast there, buddy.' She-Hulk smirked as she grabbed the Rhino by the horn. The Jade Giantess spun on her heel, spinning the Rhino around before letting him go and throwing the villain through a wall.

_**CRASH!**_

'I always wondered what it would be like to kick your butt, Greenie.' Scorpion grinned as he took a swing at She-Hulk with his tail.

'Hey! Watch the tail, Scorpy!' Spider-Man quipped as he snagged the villain's tail with a webline. 'No grabbing on a first date, 'Kay?'

With a swift tug Spidey yanked the Scorpion off his feet, tossing him on top of the stunned Rhino.

'Oh, to hell with this!' Hobgoblin sneered as he leapt onto his glider and took off into the air. 'I'm out of here!'

'Wait for me, you idiot!' The Vulture yelled as he took off after Hobgoblin.

Black Cat turned to grin at Wonder Man. 'Are you thinking what I'm thinking, sweetie?'

'I sure am, honey.' The ionic hero smiled as he took his teammate's hand and took to the air in pursuit of the villains. 'I hope you don't get airsick, baby!'

Wonder Man threw Black Cat into the air before him. The former cat burglar grabbed onto the Vulture's back.

'What the hell are you doing, woman?' The Vulture yelped 'You're going to kill us both!'

'Aww, you worry too much, old man.' Black Cat laughed as he yanked on one of the villain's arms, sending them banking left. 'I'm not going to hurt you. Too much.' The former cat burglar let go of her quarry just in time to see him crash into a billboard on top of a nearby warehouse.

_**CRUNCH!**_

Back up in the air, Wonder Woman was taking on Hobgoblin.

'You don't have a chance in hell of catching me, fool!' Hobgoblin cackled as he made his getaway on his glider. 'My new glider is far too fast for you!'

'Your might have a shiny new toy, but you should really reconsider wearing a cape.' Wonder Man said as he grabbed the edge of the villain's cape, yanking him backwards.

'_Gack!_' Hobgoblin yelped as his feet slipped off the glider. The bat-shaped vehicle spun around in the air before careening into the water below.

Back down on the ground, the Avengers were tidying up the mess the Sinister Six had caused.

'Well, that was a pretty eventful night if I say so myself.' The Wasp said as she dusted off her hands and returned to her normal size. 'Octavius and his goons won't be bothering you for a while, Spidey.'

'Thanks a lot, guys.' Spidey told his teammates. 'It really means a lot, all you helping me like this.'

'Hey, think nothing of it.' She-Hulk beamed, patting the Wall-Crawler on the back. 'You're one of us now. One of us! One of us!'

Unknown to She-Hulk and the others, Electro was beginning to regain consciousness.

'Grr… I'm gonna fry you for that…'

_**SMITE!**_

The villain was soon subdued with a well-aimed hammer throw from Thor.

'These villains do talk to much.' The God of Thunder tutted as the Mighty Mjolnir returned to him.

'I guess that's my fault.' Spidey rubbed the side of his head. 'All my witty banter must have rubbed off on the… Aaa-choo!Aww, nuts.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Another New Job**

_Peter Parker has grown tired of his job working for Tony Stark. Perhaps teaching at the Xavier Institute would make a pleasant change..._

_

* * *

_

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_Electro faced defeat at the hands of Thor once before in Chapter 16 of _'The Uncanny Avengers'


	27. Another New Job

**The Uncanny Spider-Man**

**Chapter 27: Another New Job**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

* * *

**Avengers Mansion-**

'Come on, Tiger. Get a move on or you're going to be late!' Mary Jane Watson tried to hurry her husband. It was Peter Parker's first day at a new job, and she didn't really want to make a bad first impression.

'I'm moving! I'm moving!' Peter responded as he hopped around the bedroom trying to put on his shoes. 'Is it me, or has somebody been messing with my shoes? I bet somebody's been messing around with Pym Particles. May, have you been playing around with Mister Pym's stuff?'

'Nuh-uh.' May Parker, Peter and Mary Jane's young daughter, shook her head. 'Maybe you need new shoes, daddy.'

'Aww, man.' Peter grimaced. 'It's my first day, and I don't want to make a bad first impression.'

'I told you they should have been cleaned.' Mary Jane shook her head. 'Why didn't you ask Jarvis last night?'

'The poor guy's got enough on his plate looking after Tony Stark without me throwing my battered shoes on top of the pile.' Peter said. 'I don't think anybody will notice… will they?'

'Aww, you worry too much.' Mary Jane smiled as she tied her husband's tie for him. 'Now, come on. The cab will be here any minute.'

'Be good to your Aunt May.' Peter said as he kissed his daughter goodbye. 'And get Hildy to steal cookie for you, okay.'

'Yes, daddy.' May nodded in understanding. 'Have fun. Love you, bye-bye.'

* * *

**The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning, later-**

A taxi cab drove up the drive of the Xavier Institute of Higher Learning and pulled up outside the mansion.

'You sure you wanna go in here?' The cab driver asked. 'You do know that this place is fulla muties, don't ya?'

'Some of my friends are mutants, thanks.' Peter told the cab driver as he paid the fare. 'And I don't think they appreciate being called names.'

'Eh. Don't blame me when the whole place gets trashed by some giant robots or somethin'.' The cab driver sniffed as he drove away.

'What a lovely man.' Peter muttered sarcastically as he and Mary Jane headed for the front door. Peter raised his hand to knock on the door just as it opened.

'Mr and Mrs Parker, a pleasure to meet you.' Jean Grey smiled as she shook the pair's hands. Peter blinked in confusion. 'My name's Jean Grey. I'll be showing you around.'

'Uh…'

'How did I know you were here?' Jean tapped her temple with a finger. 'I'm a telepath. Plus, we have a bunch of security cameras all over the place. Mostly telepathy, though.' Jean then beckoned the pair inside. 'Please, come in.'

Peter and Mary Jane followed Jean inside as the redheaded mutant closed the door behind them with a wave of her hand. Peter opened his mouth to ask a question.

'Telekinesis.' Jean said before Peter even had a chance to ask how she closed the door without even touching it. 'I'd step out of the way if I were you.'

Peter's Spider-sense started to tingle, alerting him to trouble, just as Jean had predicted. He pulled Mary Jane out of the way just as a russet wolf cub came barrelling down the stairs followed by a rather peeved-looking redheaded woman.

'Seth! Get back here!' Rahne Sinclair called after her son. 'It's time for your bath!' The Scottish mutant stopped once she noticed the guests. 'Och. I dinae see ye there.' Rahne apologised. 'Sorry about Seth, it's time for his bath and he just refused to get in to the tub.'

'Your son is a wolf?' Mary Jane asked. 'But you look…'

'Normal?' Rahne finished for her. 'I wish. Seth has inherited my powers, just like his brother and sister. I can change shape into a wolf, y'see.' The redheaded Scot changed into her werewolf form as an exhibition of her powers.'

'Rahne is one of our teachers here at the Xavier Institute.' Jean explained. 'Rahne, this is Peter and Mary Jane Parker. Peter's our new teacher.'

'I'm sure ye'll love it here.' Rahne smiled. 'Just as long as ye dinnae mind the odd wolf cub runnin' around the place.'

The group bade their farewells and moved onwards.

* * *

**The teachers' lounge, a little later-**

'And this is the teachers' lounge…' Jean said as she led Peter and Mary Jane into another room. 'This is where most of the teacher's hang out when they're not taking classes.'

'Ah , Mr and Mrs Parker, I presume.' Hank McCoy grinned as he looked up from his book. 'Henry McCoy, honoured to make your acquaintance.'

'This is some lounge you guys have here.' Peter said as he looked around at the room. 'Wow. Is that real marble?'

'Emma insists on it, my boy.' Hank explained.

'Oh, right.' Peter nodded in recognition. 'The blonde lady without many clothes.' Mary Jane shot her husband a withering glare. 'Terrible stuff.' Peter cleared his throat nervously. 'Walking around like that in a school of all places.'

'Emma Frost also happens to be my partner, and the mother to my son.' Hank pointed out. Peter winced inwardly. He really wasn't making a good first impression.

Mary Jane frowned as she smelt something rather unpleasant.

'What smells like burned steak?' The redhead asked just as a singed Wolverine walked into the teachers' lounge.

'Enjoy your Danger Room session with Deadpool, Logan?' Hank enquired. Logan just growled in response and headed to a row of cubby-holes and took out a bottle of Scotch, taking a swig from it.

'Whoa, wait a second here…' Peter said. 'Did you say _Deadpool_? Deadpool is a teacher here?'

'Wade lives on the premises with his wife and children.' Jean explained. 'He works in the city, but lives in a cottage on the grounds.'

'Deadpool's married?' Peter spluttered in disbelief. 'And he has _kids?_'

'The infamous Mr Wilson takes a lot of getting used to, but he does seem to mesh well with the children.' Hank chipped in. 'Perhaps it is because he and the children are so alike.'

'Let me show you around the rest of the Institute...' Jean beckoned to Peter and Mary Jane. The trio walked out of the teachers' lounge and headed onwards down the corridor. An all-too familiar tingling sensation alerted Peter to danger again.

'Hello, Mr Parker…'

Peter jumped in surprise at the eerie voice. He turned around and saw three identical blonde girls standing behind him.

'Girls, what have you been told about scaring the new teachers?' Jean admonished the girls. 'Sorry about the Stepford Cuckoos, Peter. They like to try and freak out new arrivals. Run along now, girls. Don't you have classes to get to?'

'See you around, Mr Parker.' The Stepford Cuckoos all spoke as one. 'We're sure we'll have a lot of fun together.'

Mary Jane chuckled at her husband's shudder of dread.

'Oh, Don't be such a fraidy-cat, Tiger.' Mary Jane laughed. 'They're just three girls. What harm could they possibly do?'

* * *

**Meanwhile-**

Many miles away, in the deepest catacombs of Castle Doom, Loki was once again making mischief. The God of Mischief was joined by the recently resurrected Norman Osborn. **(1)**

'How long is this going to take, Loki?' Norman complained impatiently. 'You gods can waste all the time you want casting spells, but we mortals have things to do.'

'Patience, my dear Norman.' Loki reassured his companion 'resurrecting the dead is quite a task, even for a spellcaster of my magnitude. Now, if you will stay silent, then I will continue.'

Loki began to chant in words that Norman didn't recognize. A cloud of purple smoke began to come together in front of him. Chunks of the smoke broke away and began to form human shapes. Those human shapes began to form into figures that Norman recognised. Figures that were supposed to be dead. Quentin Beck, the original Mysterio. Sergei Kravinoff, the original Kraven the Hunter. The psychopathic voodoo priestess known as Calypso. The imperfect clone of Spider-Man known as Kaine. The demonic duplicate of Spider-Man known as the Doppelganger. **(2)**

'Why the hell have you brought these idiots back to life, Loki?' Norman demanded to know. 'Okay, at least Kraven and Mysterio have some sort of reputation, but _two_ evil duplicates of Spider-Man? You must be running out of ideas.'

The Doppelganger hissed angrily at the insult and leapt at Norman, only to be deflected by a swat of Loki's hand.

'You want your revenge against Spider-Man, don't you?' The God of Mischief asked. 'Well, here's the means to that revenge. Have fun, won't you?'

**TBC…**

**Next: Spidey's Blackest Night**

_Peter and Mary Jane are invited to a school reunion. Unfortunately, the Green Goblin and the rest of the recently resurrected villains decide to attack on that very same night._

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_Loki brought Norman back from the dead in the _'Uncanny Cabal' _one-shot._

**(2)- **_Mysterio committed suicide in _Daredevil 7_. Kraven committed suicide in _Amazing Spider-Man 294. _The Doppelganger was seemingly slain by Carnage at the end of the _Maximum Carnage _crossover. _


	28. Spidey's Blackest Night: Part 1

**The Uncanny Spider-Man**

**Chapter 28: Spidey's Blackest Night- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

* * *

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

* * *

**Avengers Mansion-**

"Nuh-uh! No way!"

"Oh come on, Tiger." Mary Jane Watson-Parker told her reluctant husband. "It's only a little school reunion. What could possibly go wrong?"

"It's alright for you, MJ." Peter parker shook his head. "I'm sure you had a great time at high school among the popular crowd. I bet you were never given wedgies or swirlies. Oh God, the swirlies…"

Mary Jane slipped her arms around her husband's waist and hugged him from behind.

"Aww, c'mon Peter. Do it for me?" Mary Jane continued, nuzzling her husband's next. "It's only going to be a few hours. There's going to be a free bar."

"Fine, I'll go to the stupid reunion." Peter grumbled. "It doesn't mean I have to enjoy it."

"That's my boy." Mary Jane smiled as she ruffled her husband's hair. "You're not going to regret it."

* * *

**A little letter-**

Peter and Mary Jane were all dressed up in their best clothes and were waiting for the cab to take them to their old high school. They were just bidding their daughter a good night before they departed.

"You be good for Hildy, okay sweetie?" Mary Jane said as she knelt down to kiss her daughter on the forehead. She then stood up to talk to her daughter's sitter. "Don't let her have any candy before bed. It gives her nightmares."

"Yes, Mrs Parker." Hildy nodded in understanding. "I will make sure that May is in bed at the proper time. I can show you how to braid your hair and I might even tell her one of my favourite stories." The daughter of Volstagg then turned to regard her young ward. "Have I told you the story where Thor's hammer was stolen by giants and he had to dress up as a girl?"

"Nuh-uh." May shook her head. "Does it have fighting in it?"

"Are you sure that stories such a good choice for bedtime?" A worried Mary Jane asked.

"MJ, the cab's here!" Peter called as he stuck his head around the door before turning to talk to his daughter. "You be good for Hildy, okay honey?"

"Yes, daddy." May smiled sweetly.

"Now come on, gimmie a kiss goodbye." Peter beckoned his daughter closer. May did as she was told and stood up on tippy-toes to kiss her father goodbye.

* * *

**Midtown High School-**

Peter and Mary Jane had reached their old high school and had collected their name badges. Peter was still nervous about the whole reunion.

"Oh, quit being such a baby." Mary Jane tutted as she swatted her husband on the arm. "You punch a nutcase with robotic arms and you don't bat an eyelid, but go to one little high school reunion and you're quivering like a big girl."

"Let's just get this over with." Peter responded as he took his wife by the arm and led her into the gymnasium. "The sooner he go and say hi to Liz, the sooner we can get out of here."

Liz Osborn had organised the whole reunion. Liz used to be part of the popular crown back in high school. She was Flash Thompson's girlfriend about the time when Peter first gained his powers. Back then she, as well like the rest of Flash's cronies, thought that Peter was little more than a great big loser. Fortunately, her opinion of Peter mellowed as she reached adulthood and she even ended up marrying Peter's best friend Harry Osborn.

"Mary Jane, Peter! You actually made it!" Liz smiled as she headed over to greet her friends with a big hug.

"No thanks to Mr Grumpy-Guts." Mary Jane laughed as she lightly elbowed her husband in the ribs. "Peter, how about you get the drinks while we girls catch up?"

Peter sighed in relief and headed over to the bar that had been set up in one corner of the gymnasium. Mary Jane would be some time gossiping to Liz and he didn't plan on moving from his spot near the bar until it was time to leave.

A group of men watched Peter as he walked over to the bar. They were Flash Thompson's old high school cronies. Just like Liz, Flash had grew out of his bullying habits. Unfortunately, his old cronies were as still huge jerks.

"Hey, did you get a load of that hottie Parker just walked in with? It was that Mary Jane Watson chick." One of the cronies said.

"The supermodel?" Another goon responded. "Get the hell outta here! How did Parker catch a woman like that?"

"I hear they've got a kid too." A third jerk added. "It makes you sick, don't it?"

"What do you say we head over and say hi?" The first crony chuckled. The other two chuckled as well.

"Heh-heh. Yeah, let's go hello."

Unaware of what was about to happen, Peter was helping himself to cups of watered-down beer. It would take a lot of them to make him forget that he was at a school reunion that he didn't even want to be at in the first place. A slight bussing in the back of Peter's head alerted him that something was about to go down. Peter spun around to see three of Flash Thompson's old cronies advancing on him.

"Aww, hell. What do you guys want?" Peter groaned. Typical Parker luck. Here he was attending his high school reunion and Flash's old cronies just happened to appear. This was precisely what he was telling Mary Jane about.

"Hey, why so serious, Parker?" One of the cronies grinned. "We only wanted to say hi."

"Yeah, we were thinking that we could head outside and shoot some hoops for old time's sake." Another one of the cronies suggested. "Y'know, to make up for all the crap we put you through back in the day."

"Oh yeah, and I bet it would just be a coincidence if my underwear was yanked out or my head dunked in the toilet." Peter glowered at the goons.

A blazing pain in Peter's head alerted him to danger. He dove out of the way just as the wall to the gymnasium exploded inwards. Flash's cronies weren't so fortunate and were crushed under the rubble.

Once the smoke had cleared, those responsible for the sudden arrival were revealed. It was the Green Goblin and a group of villains.

"Terribly sorry to interrupt the party." The Green Goblin apologised in mock subservience. "We will be your entertainment for the night. Have some fun, boys!"

The rest of the villains dashed into the throng of people, sending the screaming people scattering. Peter looked over to check up on Mary Jane. She was with Liz directing people out of the gymnasium. He was safe to change into his costume. It was lucky that he had worn it underneath his suit.

Unknown to Peter, one of Flash's old cronies had survived the falling rubble and had crawled out just in time to see Peter change into his Spider-Man costume.

"Peter Parker is Spider-Man?" The guy spluttered in disbelief. "What the hell?"

Something slimy fell onto the guy's head. He looked up to see the monstrous visage of the demonic counterpart of Spider-Man known only as the Doppelganger leering down at him.

"_**Aaaaaughh!"**_

_**CHOMP!**_

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Spidey's Blackest Night: Part 2**


End file.
